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I'm sorry, but this post shows that you're just as much to blame. Marriages don't just go cold, all of a sudden. You seem to just want to have fun, and enjoy life, be carefree. You know, like a teenage girl. You don't have a bad marriage, you're simply bored.
If you're bored, it's up to you to spice things up as much as it's on him.
That is BS. I worked hard on my marriage for 10 years! I’m just depressed now and have these thoughts but wouldn’t actually do it!
Chances aren't great of finding a suitable lifelong partner for women over forty. Sorry, just true.
No kids? The men she dates will likely have kids, maybe grandkids too. That is a lot of fun.
So, fine if she is good with a possibility of being a life long single woman, able to afford it, and deal with everything in life on her own. Some women cannot, and if you do not have kids or other family to lean on it can be pretty disastrous if something happens such as a serious illness.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian75
That is BS. I worked hard on my marriage for 10 years! I’m just depressed now and have these thoughts but wouldn’t actually do it!
Why wouldn't you do it? And better yet, why wouldn't you do it with him? You're bored, what do you think, it's all milk and cookies on his side? He's just processing it differently than you are.
Would you rather be middle aged and alone figuring out things by yourself or watch your husband sitting in his Archie Bunker chair with his computer and beer gut?
8 pages is a lot of posts, and I won't read them all. But I'll add my own 2 cents in, anyway.
You have no real future with this guy, emotionally and maybe even financially. You're married to a pud. One can be married and still be the loneliest person in the world. You do not sound like you have a real relationship at all with him, unless it's resorted to co-dependency. You are not happy, and you've been losing respect for him. Very soon that loss of respect will turn to hate, and I don't think he's making any moves to help the situation. By the time he opens his eyes it make be too late.
In answer to your question, you can create your own enjoyment in life for yourself. Hopefully you have friends or can enjoy doing some things alone. That would be my choice. I know how I am, and having a husband like that would only drag my heels and make me despise him. Life's too short to spend it bitter.
Chances aren't great of finding a suitable lifelong partner for women over forty. Sorry, just true.
No kids? The men she dates will likely have kids, maybe grandkids too. That is a lot of fun.
So, fine if she is good with a possibility of being a life long single woman, able to afford it, and deal with everything in life on her own. Some women cannot, and if you do not have kids or other family to lean on it can be pretty disastrous if something happens such as a serious illness.
I think my post is clear in its message and it seems to me that I answered her original question, " Would you stay with a man you're not happy with?"
No, I wouldn't and he can 'Hit the Road Jack".
I don't think there is anything in my post about "finding a suitable lifelong partner". I also don't believe that men having children, maybe grandchildren themselves should, in and of itself, be a reason not to date them. No need to apologize because I didn't make any of the recommendations you are alluding to in the first place. That's your observation and perhaps your experience and you're certainly entitled to it.
As an aside and personally, from my experience, I never found that to be the case.
I also don't think there is anything objectionable to being "a lifelong single woman, able to afford it and deal with everything in life on her own" is a deal breaker either. I think a grown woman would/should be able to function well and deal with everything in life on her own. Children and other family to lean on is not always possible either, they have their own lives to live. If she cannot maybe she will learn to do it and be proud of her accomplishments and garner some worthwhile self-esteem.
Anyway it really seems to me that OP is unhappy with her marriage (among other things) and in a rut herself. Running off to Europe with her $30,000 in life savings will certainly distract her but it will not solve her feelings of loneliness and isolation and perhaps make her life more miserable than staying with 'him'.
So, that's where I stand on this particular dilemma du jour. Thanks for your insights and have a great day tj!
Chances aren't great of finding a suitable lifelong partner for women over forty. Sorry, just true.
No kids? The men she dates will likely have kids, maybe grandkids too. That is a lot of fun.
So, fine if she is good with a possibility of being a life long single woman, able to afford it, and deal with everything in life on her own. Some women cannot, and if you do not have kids or other family to lean on it can be pretty disastrous if something happens such as a serious illness.
lol Wut? Nobody passed on the bolded "pearl of wisdom" to all the happily-married women, who met their partner at 40 and up.
Chances aren't great of finding a suitable lifelong partner for women over forty. Sorry, just true.
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Oh goodness, so being in a horrible marriage is better than being alone? Who cares that you may not find a partner. This type of thinking is exactly why people stay in horrible situations when they shouldn't, the " fear of being alone". There is nothing to fear, and nothing wrong with being alone. You are never really alone there are friends, hobbies, family, pets, volunteering, etc. Having a "partner" isn't the end all be all of happiness.
Oh goodness, so being in a horrible marriage is better than being alone? Who cares that you may not find a partner. This type of thinking is exactly why people stay in horrible situations when they shouldn't, the " fear of being alone". There is nothing to fear, and nothing wrong with being alone. You are never really alone there are friends, hobbies, family, pets, volunteering, etc. Having a "partner" isn't the end all be all of happiness.
Exactly.
I hate when people feel the need to state that like a stupid "scare tatic" to try to make people feel less than. So what if it's true, how does that help someone else? There are plenty of people out there who would rather be by themselves than be with someone they don't want to be with, let alone folks who have that type of mentality.
you could always get a couple cats! THeyre great companions, although unlike dogs, they will eat you if you die and stop feeding them!
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