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You need to leave Justin be. You play too many games to ever be serious and good for him.
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Originally Posted by 49ersfan27
Jesus Christ, this guy dodged a bullet. You had sex with his friend? Forget about it, game over. No coming back from that.
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Originally Posted by CBeisbol
I disagree with TGP as well
Nothing there indicates that she was playing him
Why would it blow your chances?
Well, apparently I am not alone in thinking she has been playing him. Maybe it's just as Dissenter puts it. She plays too many games but not necessarily playin him as such.
Why would it blow one's chances? Just human nature I guess. If a girl I was interested in did that to me she would have hook-up zoned herself with me. But he didn't. He took up the cue and pursued her. She ignored him, and he took the hint.
But on the playing part. She's free, she doesn't tell him. His friend pursues her, she dates and sleeps with him. He confronts her and spills his heart to her. She tells him she is interested in him. He pursues her but she tells him she is already in another relationship and then she ignores him. That' playing him.
I never said that OP played anybody, at least not in the way it's being indicated here, like Justin was a victim of her. I don't even believe that there are such things as players or people who 'get played', by that I mean "unwilling" players. I believe everyone attracts what they are a match for emotionally. You may have a different perspective.
A careful reading of the OP original post will show that she and Justin have a habit of revealing to each other their supposed attraction ONLY when one or the other is already busy in a relationship, or getting ready to move, etc. Justin is doing the exact same dance as the OP. To me it's clear. But it's just my perspective based on a limited post, nothing more. Both she and Justin are much more than their drama, but OP has only invited me into this particular drama, and nothing else. I would never reduce her or Justin to the negative innotation of "player" or victim, despite my using game terminology.
It's a push and pull game, but ultimately, it's played with oneself, and not another. Neither of them really want the other...they just want to play the game. Right now Justin appears to the OP to have the upper hand, the ball in his in court, and OP doesn't like that, she wants to force a move, so the game can continue. Above all else, the game must not end!
Eventually all games run out, however, as soon as one stops playing. This is why I indicated to OP she should think about what kind of a person she wants to be NOW, and move towards that. Much more interesting and productive to create new, more authentic relationships, IMO, than the self-created drama that seems to be causing her emotional pain. I'm always a fan of someone stopping the torture of themselves.
Fair enough.
But, I don't see that either. Thought I don't reject it outright since, as a you said, we only have a limited look at what was going on.
A careful reading of the OP original post will show that she and Justin have a habit of revealing to each other their supposed attraction ONLY when one or the other is already busy in a relationship, or getting ready to move, etc. Justin is doing the exact same dance as the OP. To me it's clear. But it's just my perspective based on a limited post, nothing more. Both she and Justin are much more than their drama, but OP has only invited me into this particular drama, and nothing else. I would never reduce her or Justin to the negative innotation of "player" or victim, despite my using game terminology.
It's a push and pull game, but ultimately, it's played with oneself, and not another. Neither of them really want the other...they just want to play the game. Right now Justin appears to the OP to have the upper hand, the ball in his in court, and OP doesn't like that, she wants to force a move, so the game can continue. Above all else, the game must not end!
This probably is the most accurate assessment.
Which means she was not playing Justin as such. That one goes to you, CBeisbol.
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Right now Justin appears to the OP to have the upper hand, the ball in his in court, and OP doesn't like that,
If you thought the earth was flat you wouldn't be alone, that doesn't mean the earth is flat.
I certainly agree that she hasn't handled this is the best way possible.
Depends on the human.
Pretty sure I'm a human (cue the insults), I don't know why it would definitively blow anyone's chances.
What do you mean - thought the earth is flat? It IS flat!
But yeah, I could say the same about you. Thing is, if I was alone in thinking that way then I would consider myself likely wrong. Or I might stubbornly dig in my heels. Hey, I have been right when everyone else disagreed with me - not often though.
Yes of course it depends on the human. I would hook-up zone her. You apparently not. I would walk away after the being ignored part - no more hook-up possibility. That's just me.
If you thought the earth was flat you wouldn't be alone, that doesn't mean the earth is flat.
I certainly agree that she hasn't handled this is the best way possible.
Depends on the human.
Pretty sure I'm a human (cue the insults), I don't know why it would definitively blow anyone's chances.
As you said, it depends on the human. Some people have mindsets that won't tolerate the behavior in question (as with other behavior). You'd have to ask the individual. For some people, sneezing loudly would definitively blow chances with a certain person.
Best not to worry about this particular issue. This is just a common outlook of today. It could change somewhere down the line. *shrug*
What do you mean - thought the earth is flat? It IS flat!
But yeah, I could say the same about you. Thing is, if I was alone in thinking that way then I would consider myself likely wrong. Or I might stubbornly dig in my heels. Hey, I have been right when everyone else disagreed with me - not often though.
Yes of course it depends on the human. I would hook-up zone her. You apparently not. I would walk away after the being ignored part - no more hook-up possibility. That's just me.
That's the bigger deal breaker to me than sleeping with my friend.
You basically did everything you could to mess up your opportunities with Justin. Instead of just telling him how you felt, you chose to date other guys. Like another poster said, people aren't mind readers. How was he suppose to know how you felt if you didn't tell him? He was honest with you several times, and you retreated.
Why?
I was intimidated by him. he's popular, handsome, I never thought a guy like him would like my way
Let me clear this. Justin approached me twice and asked if I was in a relationship and both times I told him yes. When I became single, I did not make Justin aware of it, why? because I wanted him to come to me. Thats my fault. If I had reached out to him, and told him "hey i'm single, what up" we would have gone out.
Whenever I told him I had a boyfriend, he would back off and date other women but still was friendly, but I wanted his attention. I didn't want anyone else to have him, I didn't want him to have a girlfriend or leave the city all while I had a boyfriend because deep down I wanted him, I was afraid of loosing him.
Let me clear this. Justin approached me twice and asked if I was in a relationship and both times I told him yes. When I became single, I did not make Justin aware of it, why? because I wanted him to come to me. Thats my fault. If I had reached out to him, and told him "hey i'm single, what up" we would have gone out.
Whenever I told him I had a boyfriend, he would back off and date other women but still was friendly, but I wanted his attention. I didn't want anyone else to have him, I didn't want him to have a girlfriend or leave the city all while I had a boyfriend because deep down I wanted him, I was afraid of loosing him.
It all comes down to knowing what you want, and not having all this contradicting stuff that keeps you from getting what you want. If I were you, I would stop, completely, to the extent that you can, focusing on what you did wrong, how much of a mistake you made, etc. That's old news and I can't see how it's serving you in a positive way.
You said it's been a few years since you guys last made contact. What is going on in your life NOW that is making you want to reach out to Justin? Are you lonely? Are you feeling unloved or undesired? Are you not liking whoever is showing interest in you? There's some reason that after all this time, you are pining after a relationship that hasn't really existed in several years, but is suddenly feeling so necessary. For several years you've just been looking at each other's social media but no direct contact, yes? So why now? Why is contact suddenly so important? Sometimes when a person feels bad, they start digging through their past looking for people who they remember provided them with feelings they enjoyed, in order to feel better about their current situation. It's not really ideal. The only time to contact anyone, IMO, is from a place of genuine affection for them, not to seek them out to alleviate discomfort.
I'm not asking you these questions to attack you in any way, but just to help you look at what is really going on. It's never about what the other person is doing. It's always about what is going on with you.
It feels to me like you are still trying to 'get' Justin to do something. If you weren't, if you just really needed to apologize, or make it known to Justin that you are right now interested and available, you would just do that, wouldn't you? You would just say "Hey, I know I was a flake in the past, sorry about that, and we haven't talked for a long time, if you'd ever like to have a drink, text me, I'd love to catch up with you!" (Or whatever). And then just leave him to his own choices.
But you haven't done that, at least not that I can tell...so that makes me feel like there is still something going on. The same something that caused you to not respond to him in the way you are indicating you should have. And that's truly what you want to work on. I don't know if it's fear? (It's usually some kind of afraid, IME).
If you feel Justin is your perfect man, then work really hard on transcending whatever is keeping you from just being open and honest with him. Open and honest, with yourself and others, from a place of emotional stability, is always the most rewarding place from which to conduct any relationship. If he's as great as you say he is, he's worth your best, most honest self, yes?
I hope this can help in some way, and I wish you the very best!
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