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Hello all:
I'm a little confused about the behavior of a man I'm getting to know on the internet and hoping someone here might shed some insight to the matter. I met "Bob" in an online chatroom four or five months ago. Over time, we became more familiar with each other and enjoyed each other's company. Although I'm generally not flirty with men online I flirted with him a bit and he flirted back. He hung on my every comment, often agreeing with what I was sharing. When I would miss a few nights of chatting, he told me he missed me being there. It seemed more and more we were moving closer but he never came any closer as in instant messaging me or emailing me. I'm a single woman (48) and he is 55 and divorced. I know he's divorced because he did mention it but at the same time it appears that his ex-wife has a an odd place in his current life. For example, he mentioned that she works for him at his business and also that she was preparing the turkey for Thanksgiving and his adult daughters were making the side dishes. More recently, he shared more about himself while still flirting--even using a cute nickname for me--But still no forward motion. I stayed away for two weeks to perhaps prompt him to contact me but no luck. When I came back, he again said he missed me but nothing more.
Last Friday, I decided to make the move and emailed him stating that we seemed to enjoy each other's company and suggested it might be nice to talk privately. He sent me his cell phone number but said it was recharging. I sent my cell number back and suggested he call me when his charge was full. He called and we had a three hour phone call. Although pleasant, he talked probably 90% of the time about himself, his business, his adult kids, his political opinions, etc. He briefly mentioned his marriage and divorce and when I asked him how long he had been married before he got a divorce he said he couldn't remember. When we hung up, he said he enjoyed talking to me and closed by saying, "We'll talk again". This was last Friday. On Christmas, I received a Merry Christmas text affectionately using his pet name for me. I responded in kind.
That was the last I heard-- no texts, no calls, nada. I haven't returned to chat since I figure he has a way to contact me now--why go backwards? The only way I can explain his absence is by suspecting he is lying about his availability. Am I jumping the gun on this or does it seem odd that a man that acts super interested in you finally gets the green light and a phone number, would stay away? And since he did most of the talking, it couldn't be something I said. I don't want to get involved with someone who might be married but since I haven't heard from him, perhaps he is gone for good. Does this sound like he is married and unable to text or call when he wants or am I being unduly suspicious?
Thanks,
Olivia
Probably, yes, but how can anyone here tell you for sure? In any case, for whatever reason, he is not that into you or you would not need to be chasing him. Let it go and stop responding if he does contact you again. He's just using you to get ego kibbles from your attention, when it suits him. Move on.
Well, I haven't chased him. He shows up most nights and follows me into wherever I'm chatting. He made so many obvious comments/flattery showing his interest, I finally decided to make the move to email him thinking he needed encouragement. I do agree he's looking for an ego boost and I won't be doing anything else on my side, including showing up for chat. I just wondered if anyone else thought he was probably married. It's a pretty selfish thing to do to a woman if that's what he's been doing.
That was the last I heard-- no texts, no calls, nada.
Olivia
Count your blessings. No loss, and you got to keep your dignity, though you did end up wasting 3 hours listening to a guy drone on about himself.
If you want to meet men, look for venues where you can meet them in real life.
Well, I haven't chased him. He shows up most nights and follows me into wherever I'm chatting. He made so many obvious comments/flattery showing his interest, I finally decided to make the move to email him thinking he needed encouragement. I do agree he's looking for an ego boost and I won't be doing anything else on my side, including showing up for chat. I just wondered if anyone else thought he was probably married. It's a pretty selfish thing to do to a woman if that's what he's been doing.
Women do it too. I've even gotten, "you can ask me to hangout, I may not be able to but still ask." I guess I could be grateful in her letting me know she'd probably say no. Lol
The most common sign someone is hiding something is if they ask you not to take a pic, or let anyone know you're seeing each other.
Can I ask why you two haven't met up yet even after chatting for 4-5 months? I used to use online chatrooms a lot and met quite a few people in "real life" after chatting with them for a good few months. In my experience, people can often be very different when compared to their 'online persona'. It's super easy to hide things, for starters. Next time you encounter somebody who you are romantically interested in, try to meet them as soon as you can (and feel comfortable obviously). You would have probably found out about his marriage status earlier on, had you gone out on a few dates (does he wear a ring? does he ever invite you back to his place? When he does, are there "women things" at his place? etc.).
Thanks, Ruth, you're very kind. Even without a tangible loss, I was starting to like him and feel like I've been played just for his ego. The good thing is I discovered he's probably a raging narcissist given three hours of him, him, him without even asking a thing about me. Ick! I'm hoping he disappears entirely and doesn't pop up in a text or a call a week or two from now.
Summer-- I agree that meeting up sooner is best. We live a considerable distance from each other but that wouldn't have been a huge issue if he had moved the flirtation along to instant messaging and then phone. I would have been open to meeting if I liked him and felt comfortable through those stages. He just never moved from the intense chatroom flirtation to coming closer which made me think he wasn't being honest about marital status. I think he used the internet to give him an ego boost/ fantasy experience from his long term marriage. Certainly explains why he isn't in touch all week--married men aren't free to talk on the phone frequently if their wife is home. Typing in a chatroom every night is far more accessible for them.
l don't think there was anything to meet about in his mind, probably just a bit of harmless flirting fun.
Ya see that a lot in forums but l doubt many make anything out of it,
And l agree too , women doing the chasing at first l dunno, if l'm really interested she'd know about it.
l always think yeah sure a the guy might agree or call or go out but really ,it's just because it's there and on offer, easy, convenient .
He might've even had ideas when he did call but whatever, doesn't sound like the interest lasted long,
That happens too , often soon as you hear someone or meet them, you know it's flat.
I agree, Hawk-- he had no good intentions. But it wasn't him losing interest after the call since he talked 95% of the time for 3 hours. Unless it's him he lost interest in lol
Just probsbly a married men lying about his marital status and looking for female attention anonymously. He can't go forward in the real world-- only chat secretly behind his wife's back on the computer. And it's not harmless flirting it's harmful-- when you lead a person on week after week in the intense way he did. It's selfish and manipulative.
My 2018 resolution is to meet people in the real world-- not those that hide behind a screen.
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