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Why are people encouraged to avoid certain topics that can largely factor into someone's dating success?
For instance, the topics of weight, money, status, race, height, age, etc.
There seems to be a strong push to pretend sexual relationships mostly boil down to personality. However, there is strong evidence that suggests superficial things such as looks, money and social status play are much larger role in who we date. Proven by science.
One example is a 20/20 study done a long time ago where a very short man (around 4'11") was consistently rejected by women. To test the theory, they told the woman he was rich, had an amazing personality and was a doctor or something similar. The women still refused to date him because of his height.
I think a lot of dating problems we have today are because we refuse to acknowledge that behavior/personality is not the whole story when it comes to dating success. Again, proven by science.
Private message me if you want links to this study or other examples.
Age, race, and height are things a person cannot change, no point in discussing them. If they're not another person's preference they're not that person's preference. All right cool, next, what's happenin?
Discussing someone's weight is offensive because you don't know what that person is going through and it's not anyone's place to comment on it. There's no constructive way to tell someone they're too fat or too thin for someone. It's just rude. Even if it is true. Doesn't mean a person has to say it.
Discussing money and status just turns into a pissing contest for most people and it serves no educational purpose. It always dissolves into insults and nitpicking.
Age, race, and height are things a person cannot change, no point in discussing them. If they're not another person's preference they're not that person's preference. All right cool, next, what's happenin?
Discussing someone's weight is offensive because you don't know what that person is going through and it's not anyone's place to comment on it. There's no constructive way to tell someone they're too fat or too thin for someone. It's just rude. Even if it is true. Doesn't mean a person has to say it.
Discussing money and status just turns into a pissing contest for most people and it serves no educational purpose. It always dissolves into insults and nitpicking.
Just my opinion.
Great points.
Would have to agree.
Still think people should keep these factors in mind when they think about their dating problems.
Just because some women won't date men with certain characteristics, doesn't mean NO women will, nor does it mean that the guys with those characteristics can't overcome the general bias, by sheer force of personality. I can't respond to your comments involving that study because it's not a permitted topic. (Please review the sub-forum's TOS.) I guess I can only say that I've know quite a few guys "like that", and not only did they all date, most had women flocking around them; attractive women.
This is the concept you're not getting; saying personality is important is not denying that some people are challenged in life. It's saying that those challenges can be overcome. And, in fact, many people DO overcome those challenges.
You're thinking in terms that are much more black-and-white than the world actually is. The real world is a HUGE field of grey zones.
Why are people encouraged to avoid certain topics that can largely factor into someone's dating success?
Here on CD-R maybe... but other places/people/forums etc... it is open season to be discussed. At least that's what I have observed.
As for me... the toughest obstacles that is out of my control are
* Asian but born American.
* Not "Asian" enough.. I don't identify, know the culture, nor speak the language of my parents. So that rules out many immigrant and 1st gen Asian women.
* Asian stereotype here in the US that we are all smart.. nerdy or something along that lines. Well.. I was mediocre in school.
* I'm slightly below average height for FEMALES in the US. Pretty much rules out a good chunk of women that are willing to date me. As the study suggests, women don't like men shorter then them. Its ok... it is what it is.
* Generally white and black women don't go for Asian men. However, White guys do go for Asian women.
* I've spent a big chunk of my life in majority Black or majority White neighborhoods. All friendly and welcoming for the most part. I have tons of friends (some very close... some even intimate) from those neighborhoods. Dating... relationship.. nah... challenging.
* I'm not religious. My native culture, and my parents, are very religious. Incidentally, I was practically arranged with a nice girl I grew up with since elementary school.... we are still friends... but again.. she was very religious and I am not.
So basically, I'm not "black enough", I'm not "white enough", "I'm not Asian enough", "Not religous", and too damn short. LOL. Never stopped me from having "fun" though... dated all sorts of women... Latina, White, Russian, Korean, etc.. LTR with a Russian. Married a white lady taller than I. So while it was challenging .. not entirely possible.
I have a little bit of a crush at the moment on my barber. She is Korean but like me was born here and we talked a lot about being "stuck between cultures." She has a similar life experience as I. Funny.. I know more Korean than she does. lol Too bad she is married... probably not ready for that though.. but I find her company welcoming.
If the OP means why aren't those specific topics discussed on this forum, the answer is simple.
It's because those topics are against the rules and terms of service. Despite some people with good intentions here, topics about such things as race, nationality, appearance, etc., are just too controversial and inevitably one or several people will show their true racist/hateful nature and the threads inevitably spiral out of control before being locked.
It's the same reason why topics about nationality and whatnot are forbidden in the employment section.
And I have absolutely no problems with this rule, and have never felt a need to inject race or other touchy subjects when it comes to relationships.
Age, race, and height are things a person cannot change, no point in discussing them. If they're not another person's preference they're not that person's preference. All right cool, next, what's happenin?
Discussing someone's weight is offensive because you don't know what that person is going through and it's not anyone's place to comment on it. There's no constructive way to tell someone they're too fat or too thin for someone. It's just rude. Even if it is true. Doesn't mean a person has to say it.
Discussing money and status just turns into a pissing contest for most people and it serves no educational purpose. It always dissolves into insults and nitpicking.
Just my opinion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Just because some women won't date men with certain characteristics, doesn't mean NO women will, nor does it mean that the guys with those characteristics can't overcome the general bias, by sheer force of personality. I can't respond to your comments involving that study because it's not a permitted topic. (Please review the sub-forum's TOS.) I guess I can only say that I've know quite a few guys "like that", and not only did they all date, most had women flocking around them; attractive women.
This is the concept you're not getting; saying personality is important is not denying that some people are challenged in life. It's saying that those challenges can be overcome. And, in fact, many people DO overcome those challenges.
You're thinking in terms that are much more black-and-white than the world actually is. The real world is a HUGE field of grey zones.
well said. these posts go to show that there is more to dating than mere extraneous bull crap.
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