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I recently asked out a girl from my university. The date went well for the most part. We had good chemistry, with teasing and a bit of physical contact. I messed up though, when I started drinking, and I acted sillier than a man trying to attract a woman should (even though she got a good laugh out of it, I don't think my actions were doing much to raise her attraction level). A couple days after the date, I'm sure I came off as needy when I told her that I really liked her and would like to see her again. That's when she told me she just wanted to be friends.
I've learned a lot from this experience and I am currently dating other women. I do still have feelings for this girl though, which leads me to my question: when is the appropriate time frame to ask this girl out again? And what would be the best way about it? I won't do it anytime soon because if she does have a change of heart, it will take time and it won't happen unless there is something different about me the second time around.
We run into each other at the same student club often, and I think she is giving me the cold shoulder on purpose (whereas before the date, she used to hug me and acknowledge me every time we saw each other). I should note that I've kept my contact with her minimal to respect her boundaries, and to help me move on.
I know that some people will tell me it just wasn't meant to be, and maybe that's true. In hindsight, I think it was more so that I just lacked the experience and maturity to understand how attraction works for women and I didn't court her properly.
I recently asked out a girl from my university. The date went well for the most part. We had good chemistry, with teasing and a bit of physical contact. I messed up though, when I started drinking, and I acted sillier than a man trying to attract a woman should (even though she got a good laugh out of it, I don't think my actions were doing much to raise her attraction level). A couple days after the date, I'm sure I came off as needy when I told her that I really liked her and would like to see her again. That's when she told me she just wanted to be friends.
I've learned a lot from this experience and I am currently dating other women. I do still have feelings for this girl though, which leads me to my question: when is the appropriate time frame to ask this girl out again? And what would be the best way about it? I won't do it anytime soon because if she does have a change of heart, it will take time and it won't happen unless there is something different about me the second time around.
We run into each other at the same student club often, and I think she is giving me the cold shoulder on purpose (whereas before the date, she used to hug me and acknowledge me every time we saw each other). I should note that I've kept my contact with her minimal to respect her boundaries, and to help me move on.
I know that some people will tell me it just wasn't meant to be, and maybe that's true. In hindsight, I think it was more so that I just lacked the experience and maturity to understand how attraction works for women and I didn't court her properly.
Thanks for hearing me out
The most important rule for "courting" is to respect the feelings and expressed wishes of your object of desire.
She has already told you her thoughts on a second date, which I bolded above. Please don't subject yourself or her to another attempt.
Unfortunately, people like the OP are quite common in this forum, and almost every other day yet another individual asks for 'advice' about pursuing a person that just doesn't want to be in a relationship with them.
I have my doubts about these threads and posters lately, but I'll humor them.
Anyways, guys out there, will you PLEASE have some self respect and get the hint when a lady does NOT want to be with you?
This is not rocket science guys.
If a lady tells you she wants to just be friends after the FIRST date, if a lady is non commital and refuses to set a definite date for a future date or contact time, if your gut instinct tells you something is not right or that you think she may not like you, then pretty please let it go. Move on. Find another person that can truly return your feelings. Being persistent isn't going to make her like you any more, it's going to want to make her call the cops.
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I think if you told her you were sorry you got so silly and drank too much, and that's not your usual personality (if it isn't), you should go for asking her out again.
Maybe even as "friends". If you're going to do something with a group, invite her along as a friend, and have one drink or fewer. And see where it goes.
There are MANY, many long term marriages that started off a bit rocky but one partner continued to pursue the other. Successfully.
If she declines your invitation to go out with a group, after you apologized for how you behaved before, it is truly time to move on.
We had good chemistry, with teasing and a bit of physical contact. I think she is giving me the cold shoulder on purpose. (whereas before the date, she used to hug me and acknowledge me every time we saw each other). I should note that I've kept my contact with her minimal to respect her boundaries, and to help me move on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suburban_Guy
Anyways, guys out there, will you PLEASE have some self respect and get the hint when a lady does NOT want to be with you?
...Being persistent isn't going to make her like you any more, it's going to want to make her call the cops.
Agreed! New Guy talking about teasing. Girl acting like she doesn't like it. Women have already responded that PUA stuff is not a good idea, it's dumb.
Move on OP, you acrted like a db, live and learn, she's not interested.
I recently asked out a girl from my university. The date went well for the most part. We had good chemistry, with teasing and a bit of physical contact. I messed up though, when I started drinking, and I acted sillier than a man trying to attract a woman should (even though she got a good laugh out of it, I don't think my actions were doing much to raise her attraction level). A couple days after the date, I'm sure I came off as needy when I told her that I really liked her and would like to see her again. That's when she told me she just wanted to be friends.
I've learned a lot from this experience and I am currently dating other women. I do still have feelings for this girl though, which leads me to my question: when is the appropriate time frame to ask this girl out again? And what would be the best way about it? I won't do it anytime soon because if she does have a change of heart, it will take time and it won't happen unless there is something different about me the second time around.
We run into each other at the same student club often, and I think she is giving me the cold shoulder on purpose (whereas before the date, she used to hug me and acknowledge me every time we saw each other). I should note that I've kept my contact with her minimal to respect her boundaries, and to help me move on.
I know that some people will tell me it just wasn't meant to be, and maybe that's true. In hindsight, I think it was more so that I just lacked the experience and maturity to understand how attraction works for women and I didn't court her properly.
Thanks for hearing me out
Never you blew your chance .... grow up and move on. Respect her wishes!
If you feel the need to say anything, simply say you're sorry for acting like a jerk on your date, and leave it at that. At the very least, it could make things a little less awkward when you see each other at your student group meetups.
One of the best favors a person can do for him/herself is to stop chasing someone who doesn't want to be chased. It just wastes your own precious time and energy that could be spent with someone who will return the feelings.
Avoid alcohol on the first date (and maybe the second or third) as you clearly can't handle yourself when you drink. Do you have a drinking problem? Is this a recurring story line, where you have a few and offend someone in your social circle? Just wondering. If so, this woman dodged a bullet. Nobody decent wants to be around people like this.
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Forget the girl and work on your drinking problem. No joke. If you can't keep it together and stay sober long enough on a first date to make a good impression, you might have a serious issue.
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