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I never said that he said that. But he did acknowledge that his actions contributed to why things didn’t go the way he would have liked them to go, and I appreciate that.
I wonder how many guys, who have this notion of a girl paying their share/every once in a while as a 'gold standard' for what is important in a dating relationship bother to explain that when setting up or while being on their first date. How would that go?
Him: I want to let you know from the get go that I expect you to pay your share in this dating thing. I don't wanna feel like you are going to use me for free dinners and/or entertainment. Agreed?
Her: Okay fine. I'll pay for my own coffee tonight if it makes you feel better, and, since we are getting our prerequisites on the table now - if this relationship progresses, I want to set up a schedule for intimacy. A primary part of that schedule should be that on the nights that I pay for the date, I don't want to go to bed with you. I don't want to feel like you are just using me for sex. Please note that this does not mean you will be getting laid every time that you pay. I also don't want to feel like a cheap ho. Agreed?
Him: (?)
Her: (?)
Is this something they should get in writing, like a contract?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by ComeCloser
I wonder how many guys, who have this notion of a girl paying their share/every once in a while as a 'gold standard' for what is important in a dating relationship bother to explain that when setting up or while being on their first date. How would that go?
Him: I want to let you know from the get go that I expect you to pay your share in this dating thing. I don't wanna feel like you are going to use me for free dinners and/or entertainment. Agreed?
Her: Okay fine. I'll pay for my own coffee tonight if it makes you feel better, and, since we are getting our prerequisites on the table now - if this relationship progresses, I want to set up a schedule for intimacy. A primary part of that schedule should be that on the nights that I pay for the date, I don't want to go to bed with you. I don't want to feel like you are just using me for sex. Please note that this does not mean you will be getting laid every time that you pay. I also don't want to feel like a cheap ho. Agreed?
Him: (?)
Her: (?)
Is this something they should get in writing, like a contract?
I usually will plan or agree to inexpensive dates for the first two and pay for them. If by the third she ain’t reached for the check at least, adios! Most I’ve been on have at least reached for the check or gone Dutch. That at least let’s me know she has intention to make a contribution, which is more important than if she actually pays.
I think you are off somewhere else with the idea that a girl in an equitable relationship should pay on occasion.
I usually will plan or agree to inexpensive dates for the first two and pay for them. If by the third she ain’t reached for the check at least, adios! Most I’ve been on have at least reached for the check or gone Dutch. That at least let’s me know she has intention to make a contribution, which is more important than if she actually pays.
I think you are off somewhere else with the idea that a girl in an equitable relationship should pay on occasion.
Me personally? No. An equitable relationship is 50/50. If you are young and just starting out it cant be 50/50. You can 50/50 space, finances and chores, but there is no way the man will be carrying and giving birth to 50% of the children. Actually, that's not true. Its scientifically possible for a man to carry a child by implanting an embryo into the abdominal cavity with the fetus attached to the hepatic artery, but its very expensive and dangerous and therefore not likely to happen. Its also can be dangerous for women, but they are designed for the task. You also wont be forking over 50% of the breast milk.
Many, including yourself just now, describe situations that are on occasion.
Last edited by ComeCloser; 04-17-2018 at 07:13 AM..
Reason: correction in process from insemination to implantation
I usually will plan or agree to inexpensive dates for the first two and pay for them. If by the third she ain’t reached for the check at least, adios! Most I’ve been on have at least reached for the check or gone Dutch. That at least let’s me know she has intention to make a contribution, which is more important than if she actually pays.
I think you are off somewhere else with the idea that a girl in an equitable relationship should pay on occasion.
You ARE SO focused on the money. It's a real turn off. Not bc I want anyone to buy me things, but I hate the feeling that the venue is limited to cheap and inexpensive.
Why not do what you want, and if it turns out to be inexpensive, yay for you? If I was paying it would kinda **** me off if the guy kept saying "oh no, we ain't goin there, an app probably costs 10 bucks...."
Oh well, I guess that's how people weed out what isn't going to work.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
You ARE SO focused on the money. It's a real turn off. Not bc I want anyone to buy me things, but I hate the feeling that the venue is limited to cheap and inexpensive.
Why not do what you want, and if it turns out to be inexpensive, yay for you? If I was paying it would kinda **** me off if the guy kept saying "oh no, we ain't goin there, an app probably costs 10 bucks...."
Oh well, I guess that's how people weed out what isn't going to work.
I can't imagine living with relationships being score cards. I just don't care. I'm just thrilled spending time with someone I'm super into. I kind of don't even realize what I paid for or didn't until I check my CC statements Monday morning.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by ComeCloser
Me personally? No. An equitable relationship is 50/50. If you are young and just starting out it cant be 50/50. You can 50/50 space, finances and chores, but there is no way the man will be carrying and giving birth to 50% of the children. Actually, that's not true. Its scientifically possible for a man to carry a child by implanting an embryo into the abdominal cavity with the fetus attached to the hepatic artery, but its very expensive and dangerous and therefore not likely to happen. Its also can be dangerous for women, but they are designed for the task. You also wont be forking over 50% of the breast milk.
Many, including yourself just now, describe situations that are on occasion.
Umm...if you were actually familiar with my posts, you’d know that I’m strictly child free so women don’t have that cop out to use with me.
I can't imagine living with relationships being score cards. I just don't care. I'm just thrilled spending time with someone I'm super into. I kind of don't even realize what I paid for or didn't until I check my CC statements Monday morning.
Right?
"Woooohooo! I got laid and all it cost me was 7 dollars!"
The cost shouldn't reflect effort or quality, either way. It's the person you're with who makes it fun, or a waste of time, not money.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
You ARE SO focused on the money. It's a real turn off. Not bc I want anyone to buy me things, but I hate the feeling that the venue is limited to cheap and inexpensive.
Why not do what you want, and if it turns out to be inexpensive, yay for you? If I was paying it would kinda **** me off if the guy kept saying "oh no, we ain't goin there, an app probably costs 10 bucks...."
Oh well, I guess that's how people weed out what isn't going to work.
My focus is not being taken advantage of. I’ve been overly naive in the past, them days are over, I will never let another woman bring me to my knees. Not the one and not the time anymore.
I’d start with inexpensive dates in the beginning and if I feel that the is the real thing, then I’d take a chance on more expensive dates and damn right I’d expect her to chip in once in a while. That is just a smart strategy to not invest too much in someone who may not give two s about you in the beginning.
I never said that he said that. But he did acknowledge that his actions contributed to why things didn’t go the way he would have liked them to go, and I appreciate that.
I guess I read this differently
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
I actually spoke with him a little while ago. My takeaway from the conversation was that he’s the problem. Not me.
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is the real thing, then I’d take a chance on more expensive dates and damn right I’d expect her to chip in once in a while. That is just a smart strategy to not invest too much in someone who may not give two 