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Hi forum! I’m new here and would appreciate some advice. Me and my girlfriend have known each other for seven years and have been living together for three. We are 32 and 31. Our relationship was not traditional at all – so bear with me here. I was with my ex girlfriend of six years when we met my current girlfriend as a couple. We met her online to Mod cut: Not PG-13.. We got along great and me and my ex “dated” my current girlfriend for about two years. Then my ex broke up with me because I did not want to get married and start a family – but she did. I stayed with my current girlfriend since and during this time we’ve also casually dated other girls as a couple. I'm quite well off and we've had an amazing life together filled with traveling all over the world, living on the beach, and great sex together and Mod cut: Not PG-13..
About two years ago, she’s been starting to tell me that she wants to settle down, get married, and have kids. She also no longer wants to have threesomes and see other girls. She says she “grew out” of her bi side and wants to live a traditional married life. Unfortunately for her, I am not quite ready for that. I do love her and eventually see myself getting married to her and having kids, but I don’t feel like I’m ready right now. I also don’t want to stop Mod cut: Not PG-13.
It’s been getting worse and worse and my “deadline” to propose to her has come and gone. The situation with her and me now is strikingly similar to how me and my ex broke up. We are now constantly fighting, she says that we’ve been together for a very long time and it’s ridiculous not to be married after seven years. She also says that she can’t waste any more time on me and would like to find someone who will marry her while she’s still young and beautiful. I am pretty sure she will leave very soon if I don’t pop the question. I love her and don’t want to lose her, but at the same time, I really don’t want to get married. I want to continue living the life of great sex, traveling the world, and just living life to the fullest while I'm young...
I really don’t want to get married. I want to continue living the life of great sex, traveling the world, and just living life to the fullest while I'm young...
There's your answer right there. Your girlfriend is ready to settle down. You aren't. It's not fair for you to string her along until you're ready, and it wouldn't be fair to you to get married to make her happy.
[snip] It’s been getting worse and worse and my “deadline” to propose to her has come and gone. The situation with her and me now is strikingly similar to how me and my ex broke up. We are now constantly fighting, she says that we’ve been together for a very long time and it’s ridiculous not to be married after seven years. She also says that she can’t waste any more time on me and would like to find someone who will marry her while she’s still young and beautiful. I am pretty sure she will leave very soon if I don’t pop the question. I love her and don’t want to lose her, but at the same time, I really don’t want to get married. I want to continue living the life of great sex, traveling the world, and just living life to the fullest while I'm young...
It's a shame that you think you love her when really you just love your lifestyle.
Do not get married if you are not ready to do so. Marriage, even a short duration, failed marriage will change your life forever. It sucks to let someone you have feelings for go but you will probably find another woman who will make you happy in your current chosen lifestyle until you are ready to settle down.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 15 days ago)
35,653 posts, read 18,015,765 times
Reputation: 50693
I agree with the others, you're not a match and she deserves the right to determine how she wants to spend her life. If it's not with you, she's good with that, but decide now.
I will say, she's changed quite dramatically. To go from being willing to be Mod cut., to being willing to share you with another side chick, to wanting to be a wife and mom in a traditional marriage is really quite a change.
And kudos to her for that. Really, having a side girlfriend [snip] is so completely disrespectful.
Like your other girlfriend, she's sick of it and wants more respect than that.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 04-23-2018 at 12:24 PM..
Reason: Not PG-13.
I suspect that sometimes women, particularly very young women, push their sexual boundaries, particularly if it makes a desired potential mate happy. It's usually a mistake, as the man is not likely to change, and definitely not likely to stop wanting things that have been part of the relationship from the start.
On the other hand, please keep in mind that women have a limited number of child-bearing years, and, as a result, may have a stronger motivation to "settle down" while still relatively young.
Either way, it sounds to me like you have conflicting goals in life. If you give up threesomes, you will feel deprived. If she continues with them, she will feel that she's giving up the stability she craves. I don't know if these differences can be resolved. Perhaps they can, if you both truly love each other, but honestly? Sometimes love (or lust, or a desire for security) isn't enough. Shared values matter, too.
If this relationship does end, please make sure that your next girlfriend is into alternative lifestyles BEFORE getting deeply involved. If your girlfriend was here, I would say something similar to her: make sure the next guy is open to monogamy.
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