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Meeting people you are attracted to can be very difficult. I haven't met anyone that sparked my interest in years. It's not really about appearence per se with me. However, I do have to be physically attracted to want to explore interest. There are a list of things that keep me out of the dating game, the biggest one being I'm just not interested in anyone.
I've met guys that were generally attractive but that still wasn't enough for me to be truly interested. Another thing is I don't know how to "try" to be interested either. At that point it just feels forced. I think part of it is because a lot of people view dating as something everyone should be doing. Or you should have some desire to connect with another human being. And that is where the pressure and feelings of inadequacy come from.
I did when I was younger. Now I'm at a stage where I'm questioning everything lol. I just say, if it happens, it happens. If not, oh well. *shrugs*
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea
Meeting people you are attracted to can be very difficult. I haven't met anyone that sparked my interest in years. It's not really about appearence per se with me. However, I do have to be physically attracted to want to explore interest. There are a list of things that keep me out of the dating game, the biggest one being I'm just not interested in anyone.
I've met guys that were generally attractive but that still wasn't enough for me to be truly interested. Another thing is I don't know how to "try" to be interested either. At that point it just feels forced. I think part of it is because a lot of people view dating as something everyone should be doing. Or you should have some desire to connect with another human being. And that is where the pressure and feelings of inadequacy comes from.
I did when I was younger. Now I'm at a stage where I'm questioning everything lol. I just say, if it happens, it happens. If not, oh well. *shrugs*
Don't put so much pressure on yourself, OP.
Don't. Why bother? The chemistry and attraction is there or it isn't.
Whenever a woman said to me dating wasn't easy, I'd just roll my eyes and not feel bad for her.
Then I started to observe and listen more.. When you're a quiet person like me you hear a lot at what people go through. There are a lot of selfish people who will use you for their own personal gain.
It is becoming hard to find a decent person to date.
Whenever a woman said to me dating wasn't easy, I'd just roll my eyes and not feel bad for her.
Then I started to observe and listen more.. When you're a quiet person like me you hear a lot at what people go through. There are a lot of selfish people who will use you for their own personal gain.
It is becoming hard to find a decent person to date.
Here's the thing: many guys think ANY girl can easily get a date. Not necessarily with Mr. Hottie but somebody will grab them.
But they base that on what they see...and they literally don't see the girl who isn't attractive to them. Literally, the eyes skim over and past without any conscious notation that she was a human being. Or...that she was even there.
Don't see her, as if she doesn't exist, period.
So now imagine being that girl.
The old saw, often in movies, of the plain girls lined up along the wall at the dance wasn't necessarily 100% Hollywood hyperbole. Those girls are out there. And they do quietly hug the walls half the time. They stay out of the way because it hurts too much to be out there, and overlooked. But they exist. The SADDEST thing is to literally think no such "dateless" girl exists, based on being one of the many people who just don't notice she's living and breathing.
Now, no, I'm not sticking up for shy girls but being mean to shy guys...both do need to say SOMETHING. Most people can't sit there and just expect the perfect person to land in front of them. But yes. It is kind of weird that women always know the awkward guys are there - even totally non-approaching awkward guys - but men just don't even see the awkward, plain women, except when they get an unwanted approach from one on OLD or something.
Just something to think about.
And by the way, it isn't "easy" for average but not necessarily "plain" (to be nice about it) women either. Mostly, the women who have a date every single weekend with someone they're at least loosely attracted to and never have to even try, are a tiny, tiny percentage of the population. MOST people have to work at it...men AND WOMEN.
Here's the thing: many guys think ANY girl can easily get a date. Not necessarily with Mr. Hottie but somebody will grab them.
But they base that on what they see...and they literally don't see the girl who isn't attractive to them. Literally, the eyes skim over and past without any conscious notation that she was a human being. Or...that she was even there.
Don't see her, as if she doesn't exist, period.
So now imagine being that girl.
The old saw, often in movies, of the plain girls lined up along the wall at the dance wasn't necessarily 100% Hollywood hyperbole. Those girls are out there. And they do quietly hug the walls half the time. They stay out of the way because it hurts too much to be out there, and overlooked. But they exist. The SADDEST thing is to literally think no such "dateless" girl exists, based on being one of the many people who just don't notice she's living and breathing.
Now, no, I'm not sticking up for shy girls but being mean to shy guys...both do need to say SOMETHING. Most people can't sit there and just expect the perfect person to land in front of them. But yes. It is kind of weird that women always know the awkward guys are there - even totally non-approaching awkward guys - but men just don't even see the awkward, plain women, except when they get an unwanted approach from one on OLD or something.
Just something to think about.
And by the way, it isn't "easy" for average but not necessarily "plain" (to be nice about it) women either. Mostly, the women who have a date every single weekend with someone they're at least loosely attracted to and never have to even try, are a tiny, tiny percentage of the population. MOST people have to work at it...men AND WOMEN.
True.
I don't know where to rate my own looks, I've been told I am "not conventionally attractive" before, and I've been told I am beautiful before. I think I am average, on a bad day I'm maybe a little under that, and on a good day and with effort, I can be a notch or two above average. I am no stunner, that's for sure. Thing is...I have not had any trouble getting dates, but it's a minefield of a great many men who are not good for me, and very few who are.
And it's not being "picky" to want to avoid users, abusers, deadbeats and takers, and people who will make my life unhappy with their behavior. But they abound. And at the end of the day, the best possible match was not the most physically, arbitrarily "good looking" man, but I never had any trouble seeing past that.
Here's the thing: many guys think ANY girl can easily get a date. Not necessarily with Mr. Hottie but somebody will grab them.
But they base that on what they see...and they literally don't see the girl who isn't attractive to them. Literally, the eyes skim over and past without any conscious notation that she was a human being. Or...that she was even there.
Don't see her, as if she doesn't exist, period.
So now imagine being that girl.
The old saw, often in movies, of the plain girls lined up along the wall at the dance wasn't necessarily 100% Hollywood hyperbole. Those girls are out there. And they do quietly hug the walls half the time. They stay out of the way because it hurts too much to be out there, and overlooked. But they exist. The SADDEST thing is to literally think no such "dateless" girl exists, based on being one of the many people who just don't notice she's living and breathing.
Now, no, I'm not sticking up for shy girls but being mean to shy guys...both do need to say SOMETHING. Most people can't sit there and just expect the perfect person to land in front of them. But yes. It is kind of weird that women always know the awkward guys are there - even totally non-approaching awkward guys - but men just don't even see the awkward, plain women, except when they get an unwanted approach from one on OLD or something.
Just something to think about.
And by the way, it isn't "easy" for average but not necessarily "plain" (to be nice about it) women either. Mostly, the women who have a date every single weekend with someone they're at least loosely attracted to and never have to even try, are a tiny, tiny percentage of the population. MOST people have to work at it...men AND WOMEN.
Good post. I was always overlooked in real life because I was way too tall and not pretty. OLD did not work for me because no one was EVER going to choose me based on a photo.
There was a woman on here once who ran into an old schoolmate whose marriage had gone sour. He actually said to the woman, "I wish I could have met someone like you when I was young." And she thought but didn't say, "you COULD have asked ME out when we were young, but I wasn't good enough for you."
I think you hit the nail on the head, JerZ. There are lots of average-looking women out there who would make great girlfriends/partners/wives, but because they don't fit a preconceived fantasy, they won't be given a chance, and the guys to whom they are invisible will complain that no women will date them. I am now almost 60, long divorced and currently in a relationship, but I know women my age who would have made great wives and were never given the chance because they were invisible.
Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 04-26-2018 at 02:47 PM..
Here's the thing: many guys think ANY girl can easily get a date. Not necessarily with Mr. Hottie but somebody will grab them.
But they base that on what they see...and they literally don't see the girl who isn't attractive to them. Literally, the eyes skim over and past without any conscious notation that she was a human being. Or...that she was even there.
Don't see her, as if she doesn't exist, period.
So now imagine being that girl.
The old saw, often in movies, of the plain girls lined up along the wall at the dance wasn't necessarily 100% Hollywood hyperbole. Those girls are out there. And they do quietly hug the walls half the time. They stay out of the way because it hurts too much to be out there, and overlooked. But they exist. The SADDEST thing is to literally think no such "dateless" girl exists, based on being one of the many people who just don't notice she's living and breathing.
Now, no, I'm not sticking up for shy girls but being mean to shy guys...both do need to say SOMETHING. Most people can't sit there and just expect the perfect person to land in front of them. But yes. It is kind of weird that women always know the awkward guys are there - even totally non-approaching awkward guys - but men just don't even see the awkward, plain women, except when they get an unwanted approach from one on OLD or something.
Just something to think about.
And by the way, it isn't "easy" for average but not necessarily "plain" (to be nice about it) women either. Mostly, the women who have a date every single weekend with someone they're at least loosely attracted to and never have to even try, are a tiny, tiny percentage of the population. MOST people have to work at it...men AND WOMEN.
I honestly agree with everything you say.
The whole me rolling my eyes was when I was young and stupid.
I'll be 30 next year and I have seen that dating isn't easy for anyone and everyone has their own problems.
Good post. I was always overlooked because I was way too tall and not pretty. OLD did not work for me because no one was EVER going to choose me based on a photo.
There was a woman on here once who ran into an old schoolmate whose marriage had gone sour. He actually said to the woman, "I wish I could have met someone like you when I was young." And she thought but didn't say, "you COULD have asked ME out when we were young, but I wasn't good enough for you."
I think a lot of people have those stories to tell. The trick, using JerZ's analogy, is to avoid becoming jaded while you're waiting to be seen. I did not master that trick entirely.
I think you hit the nail on the head, JerZ. There are lots of average-looking women out there who would make great girlfriends/partners/wives, but because they don't fit a preconceived fantasy, they won't be given a chance, and the guys to whom they are invisible will complain that no women will date them. I am now almost 60, long divorced and currently in a relationship, but I know women my age who would have made great wives and were never given the chance because they were invisible.
The bolded is behind many of the whiner-guys' complaints, here on C-D.
Here's the thing: many guys think ANY girl can easily get a date. Not necessarily with Mr. Hottie but somebody will grab them.
But they base that on what they see...and they literally don't see the girl who isn't attractive to them. Literally, the eyes skim over and past without any conscious notation that she was a human being. Or...that she was even there.
Don't see her, as if she doesn't exist, period.
So now imagine being that girl.
The old saw, often in movies, of the plain girls lined up along the wall at the dance wasn't necessarily 100% Hollywood hyperbole. Those girls are out there. And they do quietly hug the walls half the time. They stay out of the way because it hurts too much to be out there, and overlooked. But they exist. The SADDEST thing is to literally think no such "dateless" girl exists, based on being one of the many people who just don't notice she's living and breathing.
Now, no, I'm not sticking up for shy girls but being mean to shy guys...both do need to say SOMETHING. Most people can't sit there and just expect the perfect person to land in front of them. But yes. It is kind of weird that women always know the awkward guys are there - even totally non-approaching awkward guys - but men just don't even see the awkward, plain women, except when they get an unwanted approach from one on OLD or something.
Just something to think about.
And by the way, it isn't "easy" for average but not necessarily "plain" (to be nice about it) women either. Mostly, the women who have a date every single weekend with someone they're at least loosely attracted to and never have to even try, are a tiny, tiny percentage of the population. MOST people have to work at it...men AND WOMEN.
There's a lot of this going on in the Seattle forum. Lots of guys complain that because of the high women-to-men ratio in a tech-heavy city, they "can't get dates", no woman will talk to them, because (they theorize) the women have too many choices. Yet there are many women in Seattle who can't get a guy's attention. There are casual singles events in Seattle, in which the guys don't even talk to the women, even when approached by the women! Clearly, the male/female ratio has nothing to do with the guys' dateleqssness. To some extent, it's self-imposed.
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