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So I recently went to a meetup activity, and a guy there asked for my number and I told him I was not available to date (I am seeing someone I like a lot and want to focus on it to see where it goes, been actively dating in recent past but have narrowed down the field to one guy I really like). He said that was cool and that he was just looking for friends, because it was hard to meet people where he was. He is in my general area but not same city. So I said I wouldn’t mind hanging out. But since then he has been texting me these strange things and has invited me to travel with him. I am not sure what to do, but it freaked me out. I don’t know this guy from anywhere. This was an IRL event. Is this normal? I am a luddite but wondered if this is how people make friends now, or is it strange? Because I find it strange that he would want to travel together? That seems fishy to me?
I assume he is single, but even if he wasn't, does that seem normal to you that he'd want to travel alone with you, after you told him you were unavailable to date? It's one thing maybe to maybe meet him to do something totally platonic and in a social setting such as playing a sport you both like. Another to travel together.
Let's put it another way, would you be ok if the person you dated decided to travel alone with another female 'friend?'
I sure wouldn't, and neither would you. Granted, you aren't exclusive exclusive, but still, you really like this guy a lot and it's a given you will be exclusive.
Tread carefully, and like I said trust those red flags and gut instinct. Guys like these can have ulterior motives and say the right things at first ("oh, no worries, I'm just looking for a 'friend' to hang out with"). Then they start to text and call more, and pretty soon they'll get upset when you no longer want to return the text and numbers as you spend more time with your steady boyfriend. Perhaps you're one of those 'nice' people that don't like to hurt people's feelings, but trust me, the sooner you nip these things in the bud, much better in the long run. Ghost him.
Sounds like he's trying to slide on in.... The travel part is a bit much. Everything else just sounds like standard issue "okay, I'll be her 'friend' and she'll just start to like me" sort of stuff. I'd be doing the fade, cheerful but vague answers, not available to get together, etc. - just because you're sort of painted into a corner here, having agreed to be his friend. So now it would seem overblown for you to say "don't text me anymore"....It is a kind of uncomfortable situation but OTOH it's not like this guy doesn't know what he's doing.
Thanks for the thoughts. I agree it is weird. I am completely fine with getting to know him platonically--he seemed nice enough and I do understand wanting to make friends as it is difficult to do. It is not the first time I have exchanged conversation about meeting outside of meetup with people I met at meetup, but people are usually more ... normal ... about it. He seemed normal enough when we chatted, it was after when he started texting me that things got weird.
Travelling together is not something I would even do with someone I was dating for quite awhile, let alone a random platonic guy I have met a few days ago!
I did not give him answers that are much to go on. I am thinking of ghosting him but I really hate doing that to people if it can be resolved normally; however, I am not sure this one can be. Cheerful but short, I will try that. Also I am concerned about running into him at another meetup event as we are both pretty local, which could be awkward. I have been spending more time with the man I'm seeing; perhaps I will just be sure to be unavailable unless he just wants to go to another meetup event with a group. Honestly, he did seem lonely and like he wants friends, but I also do think there is something to what you said JerZ about him hoping that I would start to like him. He wasn't a bad guy, but he is coming on too strong for me.
Update: as predicted, this man disappeared after I did not have enough time to date him. Even though I told him I wouldn’t be dating him. Gah.
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The travel part is a bit much. Everything else just sounds like standard issue "okay, I'll be her 'friend' and she'll just start to like me" sort of stuff. I'd be doing the fade, cheerful but vague answers, not available to get together, etc. - just because you're sort of painted into a corner here, having agreed to be his friend. So now it would seem overblown for you to say "don't text me anymore"....It is a kind of uncomfortable situation but OTOH it's not like this guy doesn't know what he's doing.
