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I am dating a man whom I have been with for a few months now.
We have had our share of arguments but it's to be expected with his issues and my issues.
What bothers me is, he says he doesn't feel love for me after a fight and only feels feelings again once his anger has gone down and we are back on track.
This has happened several times now. He also wants to dump me nearly everytime we argue.
He basically only loves me when we are not arguing.
This can't be good, right? Would you stay with someone who thought like that?
I am dating a man whom I have been with for a few months now.
We have had our share of arguments but it's to be expected with his issues and my issues.
What bothers me is, he says he doesn't feel love for me after a fight and only feels feelings again once his anger has gone down and we are back on track.
This has happened several times now. He also wants to dump me nearly everytime we argue.
He basically only loves me when we are not arguing.
This can't be good, right? Would you stay with someone who thought like that?
Why do you ask? Don't you know? How do YOU feel about it?
Act accordingly...
Swinging back and forth intensely - seeing things in only black and white - swinging between loving you and wanting to dump you after each argument or disagreement - is one of the characteristics of borderline personality disorder.
People with this disorder are not able to have satisfactory relaionships because of their intense swings back and forth. One minute they love you and then the next hour they cannot remember that they like or love you - everything is black or white.
Swinging back and forth intensely - seeing things in only black and white - swinging between loving you and wanting to dump you after each argument or disagreement - is one of the characteristics of borderline personality disorder.
People with this disorder are not able to have satisfactory relaionships because of their intense swings back and forth. One minute they love you and then the next hour they cannot remember that they like or love you - everything is black or white.
Yes, that is a trait of BPD, it doesn't mean the guy has the disorder. That is a huge leap.
I am dating a man whom I have been with for a few months now.
We have had our share of arguments but it's to be expected with his issues and my issues.
What bothers me is, he says he doesn't feel love for me after a fight and only feels feelings again once his anger has gone down and we are back on track.
This has happened several times now. He also wants to dump me nearly everytime we argue.
He basically only loves me when we are not arguing.
This can't be good, right? Would you stay with someone who thought like that?
Well, think about that. Isn't that just being honest? Do you feel kissy face goo goo when you are angry at him? I have never. My brain knows I still love the person, but my emotions do not for a minute.
It's not just a minute with this type of person. They seriously want to dump you for a while, after loving you the hour before. And they cannot remember liking or loving you for quite a while. And they want to end the relationship because they cannot remember the loving part. They are like a switch that switches on and off.
It's not just a minute with this type of person. They seriously want to dump you for a while, after loving you the hour before. And they cannot remember liking or loving you for quite a while. And they want to end the relationship because they cannot remember the loving part. They are like a switch that switches on and off.
I feel that little is known about the man from the scant detail in the OP, though I understand what you are saying.
I am dating a man whom I have been with for a few months now.
We have had our share of arguments but it's to be expected with his issues and my issues.
What bothers me is, he says he doesn't feel love for me after a fight and only feels feelings again once his anger has gone down and we are back on track.
This has happened several times now. He also wants to dump me nearly everytime we argue.
He basically only loves me when we are not arguing.
This can't be good, right? Would you stay with someone who thought like that?
Feeling a bit cold or distant after an argument, I can understand, to an extent, particularly if the argument has left him with hurt feelings. I think lots of people need a "cooling down" period before they can feel warmly again, if that makes sense. I'm not talking about using silence as a weapon, or distance as a way to manipulate the other person, because I think that is just wrong, but the fact is that different people have different ways of dealing with strong emotions, and some people process them more slowly than others.
However...wanting to break up after each disagreement is a problem. What happens when you argue? Is one or the other, or both of you, saying unkind things that are not easily forgotten? It sounds like he is the one behaving badly here, but of course we only have one side of the story. Is he keeping you on eggshells, or is it possible that in the heat of the moment, you are saying or doing things that make him question the wisdom of staying with you?
It's hard to really form anything that feels like a fair opinion about this without a lot more information.
It’s only been a few months. He probably doesn’t even actually “love” you anyway.
Whatever y’all’s personal issues are, it sounds like he needs to examine whether he is having some doubts about your relationship that he needs to take seriously.
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