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How do you spot a fake user on a dating site? I’m not referring to bots. I mean people who are real but not actually interested in meeting and just playing games.
Last week, I came across a profile I really liked on OKC. But in the woman’s picture, she was turned away so you couldn’t see her face. In her profile, she explained that she was worried about privacy and security after getting hate mail from religious types (she’s atheist). Normally, I would’ve passed. But because I liked her profile so much, I messaged her. She responded, we started chatting, and in our conversation she said she had even received death threats. I made it clear that I understood now why she was hiding her face. But I also ended that message to her by wishing death upon her. Death by chocolate. It was a lame joke, but I was going off the fact that she listed chocolate as something she couldn’t live without. And most people have heard of “death by chocolate” since it’s a popular flavor of ice cream, cake, etc. After I sent it, I immediately regretted it, fearing that it was insensitive in light of the real threats she had gotten. But in her response, she smiled. So clearly she understood the spirit in which it was meant. In her follow up message, however, she attacked me for making a joke that she now didn’t think was funny at all. Not because of the other threats she had gotten, but because she didn’t think there was any humor in someone dying from eating chocolate. Oh and the kicker is that in her questions, when asked if anything can be made the subject of a joke, she answered yes. So after giving me a detailed explanation of anaphylactic shock, she called me stupid and blocked me. Sigh. Oh and even though I introduced myself by name, she never game me hers. And even though I asked questions about her background in order to learn more about her, she never asked anything about me like hobbies, interests, etc.
I can see now why online dating gets such a bad rap. When you have people who act like this, it just leaves a bad taste in your mouth. I have no doubt I was conversing with a real person. Maybe she was married. Maybe she was paranoid. Maybe she doesn’t have a sense of humor. Or maybe she’s just a flake. Ugh. Sorry. Needed to rant.
How can you spot this...I don't know, but an unclear picture would send me running. I'd wonder what he was hiding. Honestly, in a half-hidden pic I'd be wondering if he was married.
I've had those conversations that took a sudden turn into what seemed a weird and unfathomable anger over a little kidding around too.
One guy suggested I bring my dogs to our first meeting. In saying no to that, I said my dogs are worthless judges of character anyway, because they love everyone. This dude then just went off on me, how dare I JUDGE him based on one meeting, he wouldn't sit there and be JUDGED....
Umm... okay, whatever dude. Next.
There are bound to be a few oddballs in the OLD world, just like real life.
Don't you live in CO? I call bs on her excuse for not having a clear photo of her face. C'mon, death threats for being atheist in CO? I listed atheist in my profile when I lived in ATL, and sure, it's a metro city, but it's still the freakin' South. Never received a death threat for that reason, but definitely a number of attempts to proselytize or question and challenge my backslidden ways.
Those interactions are few compared the number of normal interactions. I did have a guy go bananas and blow up my phone and send me a ton of messages, make multiple accounts, etc., and then tell me to die in a fire for cutting off contact after he revealed he was in Mexico to avoid LE for past violent crimes.
So...yeah.
But they're not all bad. Most are normal, cool people. At least my matches.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I guess I don't run into it, really. That profile you mentioned, well, it would never occur to me to write her in the first place. Why the heck would I?
I guess I don't run into it, really. That profile you mentioned, well, it would never occur to me to write her in the first place. Why the heck would I?
Why? You're one that says looks aren't paramount and he said he liked her profile.
Her over sensitive reaction to what he said just shows she probably has no sense of humor or maybe knows somebody that had/has a serious allergic reaction.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,948,491 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold
Why? You're one that says looks aren't paramount and he said he liked her profile.
Her over sensitive reaction to what he said just shows she probably has no sense of humor or maybe knows somebody that had/has a serious allergic reaction.
Looks aren't paramount, but it would never occur to me to write someone that hides who they are. That is just, weird and a huge red flag. (And I don't know anyone IRL that DOES say looks are paramount).
Last edited by timberline742; 06-28-2018 at 06:26 AM..
Looks aren't paramount, but it would never occur to me to write someone that hides who they are. That is just, weird and a huge red flag. (And I don't know anyone IRL that DOES say looks are paramount).
It was a huge red flag. But like I said, I really liked her profile. Once we had exchanged a few messages, I hoped she would feel comfortable enough to share her picture. Alas, that was too much to expect from a person who couldn’t even tell me her first name. My suspicion is that she’s married.
It was a huge red flag. But like I said, I really liked her profile. Once we had exchanged a few messages, I hoped she would feel comfortable enough to share her picture. Alas, that was too much to expect from a person who couldn’t even tell me her first name. My suspicion is that she’s married.
It does all sound like a married scenario. The "hiding," then finding some very lame excuse to "get mad" and storm off as you were wanting more details...etc.
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