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The data points presented in the linked article indicate that meeting at some sort of public place is far more common than meeting a significant other through an app or website.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Runninglikethieves
See, I think you're confusing this ''Cold approach'' with something else that isn't being advocated, at least not by myself. I can't speak for others. People go out to bars all the time (not me, unless it's for music. I don't drink) and meet people. It happens at music festivals too. To me, a cold approach is meeting someone that you have no ties or connections to. Like meeting someone when I'm out somewhere. Not that I went out purposely to meet someone somewhere or ask women out. But it's happened when I've went out. You're projecting it to be as if people are preying and stalking women, which definitely happens, but not with everyone who meets someone in public or chats up women in public. .
Yes, this, exactly. The meeting someone is a byproduct of going out and doing things and being social. Conversations happen when people are out and about. Sometimes there is chemistry, and some of those times there is a successful connection. It's been happening for ages. I can't imagine chatting people up with a purpose other than being social, which is fun (I can find it draining though being a natural introvert), and sometimes something else comes from it, but its not really looked for, it just happens, organically.
Yes, this, exactly. The meeting someone is a byproduct of going out and doing things and being social. Conversations happen when people are out and about. Sometimes there is chemistry, and some of those times there is a successful connection. It's been happening for ages. I can't imagine chatting people up with a purpose other than being social, which is fun (I can find it draining though being a natural introvert), and sometimes something else comes from it, but its not really looked for, it just happens, organically.
I think some of these guys will never 'get' and listen to you since you apparently see value in any type of compatible relationship, even a friendship, and a lot of these guys only want to fall into one with either a long term romantic outcome or at least a sexual one of any length and think anything else is a waste of time.
Unfortunately, odds are they aren't going to have some lovely lady just come and knock on their door and fall in their lap.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold
I think some of these guys will never 'get' and listen to you since you apparently see value in any type of compatible relationship, even a friendship, and a lot of these guys only want to fall into one with either a long term romantic outcome or at least a sexual one of any length and think anything else is a waste of time.
Unfortunately, odds are they aren't going to have some lovely lady just come and knock on their door and fall in their lap.
Look, I just turned 30. I have no time or patience and am way too smart to play the “let’s just be friends” BS game. I don’t have the luxury of not being mission focused and have to be purposeful to get a girlfriend.
Dinner dates are a waste of time. I do not do a dinner date in a restaurant until after we've had sex. So that quoted approach isn't even close what my approaches have been like over time.
Is there rejection in approaching in person? Of course, there is. But even rejection from it feels better than wasting two hours and $20-$30 on drinks from a smartphone sourced date. I'd rather get rejected from a 2-5 min conversation for free at the grocery store.
In-person approaching tests one's mettle. Approaching in-person is not harassment. It's somewhat similar to being a salesman.
Not as many women have boyfriends as you assume. Also, many times when a woman claims she has a boyfriend, it's a test to see one's persistence and it's a rejection that can be overcome. I don't walk away when the "I have a boyfriend" is uttered. I try to rattle their cages a little with a creative response, and at a minimum, I get a cheerful laugh, and potentially even a date.
As much as I can, I look for positive body language before my in-person approaches. Body language is a less reliable indicator than it once was, but it's still useful.
With regard to the "salesman" thing, two thoughts come to mind.
1. I've said at times being a woman can feel like living a real life never-ending infomercial for D...I can't remember where I got that, but I didn't make it up.
2. Those guys who try to leap out at you from kiosks at the mall, or even Walmart, who want anything from a chance to put lotion on your hand and persuade you to buy it, to trying to sell you cable TV plans or something...so annoying.
Annnd now I'm imagining men wanting dates soliciting door to door. LOL!
Look, funny as all that is, I think it really circles back to the same thing in the end, and it doesn't matter much at all whether you are online, in person, the grocery store, a bar, whatever! If you make your move and a woman throws you the "Nope!" in one fashion or another, how do you act?
Letting it go is socially savvy and respectful. Being persistent is annoying, the more persistent you are, especially as she reaffirms her "No" in a number of ways, the more you are making an arse of yourself. To the extent eventually of making someone feel "harrassed" or even unsafe. A woman with headphones in and a book in hand is throwing out the universal language of "Leave me alone." Not respecting that makes you an intrusive and bothersome person. Pestering people at their place of employment, where they are required to be nice to you if you're a customer and they cannot get away if they want to...especially when they have made some excuse and walked away and you stand there waiting for them to return to their post so you can keep doing it, DUDE really. Don't! Waitstaff in particular are dependent on customers to tip them, so you're kinda cornering somebody who is just trying to do their job, when you persistently behave in inappropriate ways to them.
But there is nothing, nothing at all, wrong with striking up a friendly conversation attempt with a stranger in public. At the outset, you aren't demanding anything, you're offering a bit of social exchange. If it goes well, and you're both clearly enjoying talking to each other, there is nothing wrong with trying to turn that into a date opportunity. Of course you do have to understand that in random public, a goodly percentage of the women you approach will already have a partner. Assuming that ladies "just say that" to get you off their backs...sometimes yes, sometimes no...but regardless they're telling you "no" so refusing to heed that does make you kind of a clod. She will talk badly about you later to her girlfriends and she won't find your persistent behavior flattering. No one is going to call the "approach police" on you, you just need to understand that it is rude behavior past a certain point. It's not a good look on anyone.
Even as just a friendly, chatty woman who is apt to try to talk to strangers in the world, there are plenty of times I get that cold nervous shuffle, and the "I'm not looking at you, stop talking to me" behavior, and I know, very fast, if someone really wants me to leave them alone. I don't appear threatening to anyone, I don't think, but sometimes people just don't want to converse with strangers. I'm not offended by that, I don't think they owe me their attention. I leave them alone.
90% of the guys who ask me out or for my number like you mentioned or just make small talk are guys I have no interest in and I did not give signals to. They are usually 20 years older than me or look homeless or are extremely unattractive. Those are the bold guys who get rejected so often they don't care about one more time while the better looking guys are too scared of rejection.
I very, very rarely have an okay looking single guy make small talk with me and then ... he just lets me go and I think WTH did you not ask for my number?
Look, I just turned 30. I have no time or patience and am way too smart to play the “let’s just be friends” BS game. I don’t have the luxury of not being mission focused and have to be purposeful to get a girlfriend.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold
Totally proving my point
Which is what, some guys just don’t waste time ing around? Got that right!
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ing around? Got that right!
