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I got talking to a guy on the west coast, but I currently live on the east coast, and we have been messaging on match. I am actually currently in the process of trying to relocate to his town (before we even got chatting), and I will be visiting at the end of this month to check out housing there.
I felt like we instantly hit it off and were messaging and it became a daily thing. We started using pet names to each other, exchanged social media accounts, and sent each other video messages and have talked on the phone.
I have noticed a few times he likes other women’s pictures, which I thought when I saw was kinda like, ah, that sucks but I let it go. He told me he wasn’t actively pursuing other dates and could only really focus on one person at a time. He also seems to disappear for long periods of a time (although he does have a son), and he says when he is with family and friends he makes a habit of not being on his phone.
Anyway, last night I hadn’t heard from him in a while and I noticed he had liked some girls Instagram photo and it just really bothered me.
I messaged him and said, look, I know you’re single and can do as you like, but I kind of thought we had a connection and you said you weren’t pursuing other women (he told me he doesn’t really have female friends), so I can only assume these girls are potential love interests.
He came back and ended up saying he is flirting with other women and talking to them, and we do have a connection but we haven’t met yet. While I do agree with all of this, what bothers me most is lying to me.
Also, he claims he doesn’t know if he likes them or not and he speaks to me the most, yet he never likes my pictures. I know in the real scheme of things that’s petty, but if he liked me the most, I don’t get why he wouldn’t.
Last night he proposed that we still stay in contact and meet, and see how it is in person, but I never replied as I don’t really know what to say back. I’m still upset, but he said speak in the am. I haven’t messaged him and he hasn’t messaged me, but I wondered peoples thoughts? I know people will probably say he is single and can do as he wants, but for me it is more starting out something feeling like the person is being dishonest.
I got talking to a guy on the west coast, but I currently live on the east coast, and we have been messaging on match. I am actually currently in the process of trying to relocate to his town (before we even got chatting), and I will be visiting at the end of this month to check out housing there.
I felt like we instantly hit it off and were messaging and it became a daily thing. We started using pet names to each other, exchanged social media accounts, and sent each other video messages and have talked on the phone.
I have noticed a few times he likes other women’s pictures, which I thought when I saw was kinda like, ah, that sucks but I let it go. He told me he wasn’t actively pursuing other dates and could only really focus on one person at a time. He also seems to disappear for long periods of a time (although he does have a son), and he says when he is with family and friends he makes a habit of not being on his phone.
Anyway, last night I hadn’t heard from him in a while and I noticed he had liked some girls Instagram photo and it just really bothered me.
I messaged him and said, look, I know you’re single and can do as you like, but I kind of thought we had a connection and you said you weren’t pursuing other women (he told me he doesn’t really have female friends), so I can only assume these girls are potential love interests.
He came back and ended up saying he is flirting with other women and talking to them, and we do have a connection but we haven’t met yet. While I do agree with all of this, what bothers me most is lying to me.
Also, he claims he doesn’t know if he likes them or not and he speaks to me the most, yet he never likes my pictures. I know in the real scheme of things that’s petty, but if he liked me the most, I don’t get why he wouldn’t.
Last night he proposed that we still stay in contact and meet, and see how it is in person, but I never replied as I don’t really know what to say back. I’m still upset, but he said speak in the am. I haven’t messaged him and he hasn’t messaged me, but I wondered peoples thoughts? I know people will probably say he is single and can do as he wants, but for me it is more starting out something feeling like the person is being dishonest.
Was he dishonest, or did he not go along with your unspoken expectations?
I got talking to a guy on the west coast, but I currently live on the east coast, and we have been messaging on match. I am actually currently in the process of trying to relocate to his town (before we even got chatting), and I will be visiting at the end of this month to check out housing there.
I felt like we instantly hit it off and were messaging and it became a daily thing. We started using pet names to each other, exchanged social media accounts, and sent each other video messages and have talked on the phone.
I have noticed a few times he likes other women’s pictures, which I thought when I saw was kinda like, ah, that sucks but I let it go. He told me he wasn’t actively pursuing other dates and could only really focus on one person at a time. He also seems to disappear for long periods of a time (although he does have a son), and he says when he is with family and friends he makes a habit of not being on his phone.
Anyway, last night I hadn’t heard from him in a while and I noticed he had liked some girls Instagram photo and it just really bothered me.
I messaged him and said, look, I know you’re single and can do as you like, but I kind of thought we had a connection and you said you weren’t pursuing other women (he told me he doesn’t really have female friends), so I can only assume these girls are potential love interests.
He came back and ended up saying he is flirting with other women and talking to them, and we do have a connection but we haven’t met yet. While I do agree with all of this, what bothers me most is lying to me.
Also, he claims he doesn’t know if he likes them or not and he speaks to me the most, yet he never likes my pictures. I know in the real scheme of things that’s petty, but if he liked me the most, I don’t get why he wouldn’t.
Last night he proposed that we still stay in contact and meet, and see how it is in person, but I never replied as I don’t really know what to say back. I’m still upset, but he said speak in the am. I haven’t messaged him and he hasn’t messaged me, but I wondered peoples thoughts? I know people will probably say he is single and can do as he wants, but for me it is more starting out something feeling like the person is being dishonest.
This guy is actively dating. You haven't even met him in person. You don't even know him. And you expect him to put his life on hold just for some long distance stranger? No. It doesn't work that way. You can assume exclusivity all you want, but the fact is, this "connection" you have is meaningless. A real connection hasn't been established yet. My advice: back off, because this reeks of desperation.
Of course he is seeing or at least trying to see other women - you hadn't even talked yet about meeting! ...."just call the whole thing off!" And figure out your "rules" and how to be clearer next time - communication is key, as well as having reasonable expectations.
He could be trying to develop some back-up women in case you and he do not hit if off well when you two meet in person - or as back-ups if you meet in person and he finds no interest in you.
Putting 'likes' on other women and their photos doesn't mean he is actually dating them - and maybe they are all long distance like you are.
I think by sending him that message, the OP may have a self-inflicted strike against her. He may think she is stalking his Instagram and keeping track of what he is doing online and they haven't even met yet. I don't think she should have mentioned that she's noticing what he is "liking" online. She may scare him off before they even meet. He might wonder if she is this possessive-ish now, what would she be like after the honeymoon phase is over?
I think by sending him that message, the OP may have a self-inflicted strike against her. He may think she is stalking his Instagram and keeping track of what he is doing online and they haven't even met yet.
You haven't even met this guy, but you're already calling each other pet names (clearly, he knows how to flirt...), and you're already implying he shouldn't show any interest at all in other women, not even a "like" on their photos? He's a stranger, OP. If I had $1 for every time a couple "hit it off" over the internet without meeting in person, I'd be doing very well for myself. Anyone can come across charming from behind a screen. Anyone can come across charming over a phone, if they want to. Or even by Skype. Just because YOU have allowed yourself to become this emotionally invested in a stranger doesn't mean he should be doing the same.
IDK, if you're going to be in his town, why not get together for coffee? Unless you're turned off by what you perceive to be his dishonesty. If you're moving soon, why even bother with long-distance OLD, anyway? Why not wait until you're at your new location? Of course, the same thing could happen there; you connect with people on dating sites, go out for a date or two, but monitor their online activity the whole time, to try to catch them "liking" someone else's picture. IDK, there seem to be other issues here....
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