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I am married, going on 11 years.
During this time my husband and I have faced many challenges and hardships, including the loss of my son, he was a wonderful step father and the tragedy hit him too. For a year I was numb, barely eating, needed medical help, he ignored me. I can’t forget that. At one point as I lay on the floor sobbing he literally stepped over my body to go to sleep, saying nothing.
2 years later I am finally acting human again; working, cleaning, eating, seeing a therapist.
You’d think we “made it”, but no.
During my severe depression he dug is into a horrific debt. He lost a parent and bought a BMW. He neglected to pay our rent.
Since I am healthier now I did what I had to do—I got a small side job from home doing research in addition to my full time job. I got on food stamps. I made payment arrangements with the landlord. I sell plasma twice a month. I cut off the cable, canceled the gym, and lowered the internet bill.
He does NOTHING! He takes occasional “gigs” and I find it insulting. He appreciates none of the progress I’ve made and I want a divorce.
He doesn’t hit me, but he doesn’t support me.
He doesn’t yell at me but he mumbles things like “dumb *****” daily.
We have no shared debts, no property, no children. He also refers to declaring bankruptcy often and that suits him, not me.
How can I file for divorce? What reason do I give, if any?
I know he will be blindsided by this and I don’t want to be cruel but I’m drowning and he’s an anchor.
Thanks for reading
First off, please understand that all abuse is not physical. My ex never actually hit me in anger, but he did a ton of emotionally abusive things to mess with my mind. Calling you a dumb ***** daily is degrading and insulting and something you should not have to put up with.
State laws vary, but many have some form of no-fault. You don't NEED a reason. With no shared debts, property or children, a divorce should be relatively simple as a legal matter.
If you truly want out, find some family law attorneys that offer free consults. You may find your local courts have a do-it-yourself option and assistance.
Okay, as I read your post I thought maybe you two could recover, but this is where you lost me
Quote:
Originally Posted by Confused1211
He doesn’t yell at me but he mumbles things like “dumb *****” daily.
There is no love or respect there. If there ever was, it is lost now never to be recovered again. Might as well throw the towel in and file for divorce. How do you file? You just go down to the court house or call up a lawyer and have the papers drawn up. He can't possibly not know why you're divorcing him (except to be shocked that you left him since he thought you'd put up with this forever). So I wouldn't even say a word. Just do it but you better be ready to flee somewhere once he becomes abusive. Men hate divorce and some go crazy once it comes.
I appreciate the replies and advice.
An issue I failed to mention was that EVERY CENT I earn goes to back rent.
My landlord has been very understanding and I’ve arranged a payment schedule. NOTHING in this house is my husbands. Not one dish. Not one pillow. Nothing but his clothing.
How can I leave?
I owe money to my landlord and here or not I will pay him. My husband will not. HE needs to go, not me. I’m employed, I need a truck and movers, he can leave with 1 suitcase without losing a thing.
Is emotional neglect and verbal abuse valid reasons to have him leave?
Incidentally he hates living here, I’ve made networks and revenue.
Confused1211, I am so very sorry that you lost your beloved son. Please accept my deepest and heartfelt sympathies.
You are your husband's provider, support and emotional/mental/verbal whipping post. Based on what you wrote, he is abusive to you and sees no reason to stop because he sees no consequences coming his way. Each time he abuses you and you tolerate it, he is incentivized to continue and his abusive behaviors are strengthened and reinforced. He is of no use to you or in your life, none. As you said, he is nothing more than an anchor attached to you and pulling you down.
I agree with you that it is time to leave. But, before you do, I think you need a safe place to go. Maybe family or friends can help you with that. Also, a local women's shelter may have room and be an option for you; please call them. Please call the local county superior court and ask if they can provide you some assistance with how to file legal documents to divorce your husband. Some courts have a "self-help" center, and some women's shelters have advocates who will help you work through the legal system as you divorce your husband.
OP, I have to say that I deeply and sincerely admire your strength, character, integrity and fortitude. Keep posting; we're here.
I appreciate the replies and advice.
An issue I failed to mention was that EVERY CENT I earn goes to back rent.
My landlord has been very understanding and I’ve arranged a payment schedule. NOTHING in this house is my husbands. Not one dish. Not one pillow. Nothing but his clothing.
How can I leave?
I owe money to my landlord and here or not I will pay him. My husband will not. HE needs to go, not me. I’m employed, I need a truck and movers, he can leave with 1 suitcase without losing a thing.
Is emotional neglect and verbal abuse valid reasons to have him leave?
Incidentally he hates living here, I’ve made networks and revenue.
File for divorce and the courts will handle this. Either he or you will be ordered by a judge to leave if you can not agree on who leaves.
I appreciate the replies and advice.
An issue I failed to mention was that EVERY CENT I earn goes to back rent.
My landlord has been very understanding and I’ve arranged a payment schedule. NOTHING in this house is my husbands. Not one dish. Not one pillow. Nothing but his clothing.
How can I leave?
I owe money to my landlord and here or not I will pay him. My husband will not. HE needs to go, not me. I’m employed, I need a truck and movers, he can leave with 1 suitcase without losing a thing.
Is emotional neglect and verbal abuse valid reasons to have him leave?
Incidentally he hates living here, I’ve made networks and revenue.
Well I didn't mean "leave" your home just the relationship.
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