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Yah. But then the interest is not really a real interest if engaging in it is for the primary purpose of finding someone.
I'm not sure I understand why you believe this to be true. Being interested in finding a life partner, for example, doesn't seem to corrupt the idea of being interested in someone who might potentially be that person?
Yah. But then the interest is not really a real interest if engaging in it is for the primary purpose of finding someone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
I'm not sure I understand why you believe this to be true. Being interested in finding a life partner, for example, doesn't seem to corrupt the idea of being interested in someone who might potentially be that person?
Yeah, I'm having trouble comprehending that completely. You can be interested in people for different reasons. There are some people that I just have a friendly interest in. Then there are those that I have a romantic interest in and so on and so forth.
I'm not sure I understand why you believe this to be true. Being interested in finding a life partner, for example, doesn't seem to corrupt the idea of being interested in someone who might potentially be that person?
I would think that if the point of going to an event of your interest is because you are interested in it.
This is all fine and sound, but! The probability of actually meeting someone that:
A) You like enough to approach,
B) Likes you enough to be approached by, and
C) is actually single and available
is indeed so tiny that it makes the whole undertaking extremely frustrating if one is engaging in said activities with primary purpose of "finding someone".
Meeting someone this way could theoretically be a bonus, a completely unexpected surprise, but it should never be a goal in itself. It'll drive you crazy when nothing happens after a while.
Van, if you keep telling yourself, that this or that activity, group, or class, will have no people you'll be interested in, or who would be mutually interested in you, you'll never get anywhere. Why go anywhere, then? Why go to a bar or club, or a friend's party? How does that kind of thinking make any sense? If you do want to find a partner, you have to put yourself out there, not tell yourself it's useless to try, so you may as well stay home watching TV or playing video games, lol. See what I mean?
You go out and do stuff, join groups in order to a) have a life, b) enjoy yourself by learning or doing (sports, hobbies, classes, volunteering, whatever), and c) scope out the possibilities of clicking with another human being, whether for friendship or dating. Being sociable can be intrinsically valuable, unless you hit a group that's not a good fit, but even then, you may enjoy the activity for its own sake. Otherwise, what do you suggest? Holing up at home, and/or with your bro group? How's that going to move you toward your goal?
Besides, you're completely overlooking Jenkins' point. He said (I put in bold):
Quote:
Could meet but should not go with the intention to
Art Galleries
Libraries
Churches
Bookstores with Coffee Shops
Best Bet
Common interest events
IOW, you go to those places, because you're interested in checking them out, hanging out there due to your own interest, but you're also motivated by the potential to meet someone new, realizing the potential is there, but may not manifest on a given day.
I don't know why this requires so much explanation. It comes naturally to a lot of women. What's up with these guys, who seem to struggle with this concept?
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 12-26-2018 at 02:33 PM..
I know from some of my good male friends that they met their long-term partners via meetup groups, ballroom dancing lessons, yoga studio, volunteer, churches/temples, friends...
I know from some of my good male friends that they met their long-term partners via meetup groups, ballroom dancing lessons, yoga studio, volunteer, churches/temples, friends...
Thank you! Several people here have been advocating these for years, but then the naysayers come on, and say "meetups are no good", "I never knew anyone who met someone through volunteering or church", "I can't sign up for yoga just to meet women. That would be fake", etc.
First we have to get some of these guys out of bed, and out of the house. Look at Van Marlton's post, quoted in post #74. He seems to think, that since there's no guarantee he'll meet anyone he finds attractive, and who would reciprocate his interest, there's no point in going anywhere to do anything. I guess since you can order groceries and other necessities delivered to your door these days, there's not even any reason to go to the store, and chat up the person in line ahead of you. (Since there's no way to know if she's available, anyway...) It sounds like a lot of guys may figure they might as well stay home in their jammies, watching youtube and eating peanut butter sandwiches.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 12-26-2018 at 05:39 PM..
Thank you! Several people here have been advocating these for years, but then the naysayers come on, and say "meetups are no good", "I never knew anyone who met someone through volunteering or church", "I can't sign up for yoga just to meet women. That would be fake", etc.
First we have to get some of these guys out of bed, and out of the house. Look at Van Marlton's post, quoted in post #74. He seems to think, that since there's no guarantee he'll meet anyone he finds attractive, and who would reciprocate his interest, there's no point in going anywhere to do anything. I guess since you can order groceries and other necessities delivered to your door these days, there's not even any reason to go to the store, and chat up the person in line ahead of you. (Since there's no way to know if she's available, anyway...) It sounds like a lot of guys may figure they might as well stay home in their jammies, watching youtube and eating peanut butter sandwiches.
I know, right? In the end, those types of people create their world (through their mindset and actions)
And to all y'all who say "I never knew someone who ______." Unless we're talking about shooting lasers out of your fingertips or something along those lines, just because you haven't met or never knew anyone who has done something, doesn't mean that it can't happen. There is more to life than what is in your tiny bubble of a world.
I listed those places because I actually have had success in those places. Now, if your whole point to going to these places is to meet someone, you're going to scare the ladies away. You're gonna be that creep in the place that women come running to me to hide them from.
Even if you're not doing anything out of the ordinary, your intention seeps through. Comes through in your eyes on that swivel (head moving back and forth).
How do I know? I run across a lot of 'starved' individuals. The ones you give something like a cracker or a chip and they grab your whole arm. They have that look in their face that says "will eat you if you acknowledge". These are the ones who just go to that place to pick up or meet someone.
Of course it wouldn't hurt to work on your appearance. I mean you're not gonna have much success meeting people looking like you got attacked by a lion and dragged through mud. It works for me for some reason, but 'tore up from the floor up ain't my style', you know. People be trying my approach and fall flat on their faces.
Really, everyone outside of relationships, it's an opportunity to learn to enjoy your life as a single person. Learn to enjoy your own company. I enjoy my company. I used to be that guy.
"Why can't I get a girlfriend? Am I ugly? My life sucks because I don't have a girlfriend. Nobody likes me..."
But then I learned to enjoy my company. It took a little bit to get there. If you can learn to enjoy your life as a single person, that is powerful. Your life will be better. Now I'm not going to go on no hocus pocus talk saying that enjoying your single life is going to land you a relationship because I don't know. But enjoying your single life will make the single life easier, believe me.
thousands of different forums/pages from fitness to diet pages..
I met my rainbow on a keto diet singles page over 5000 members 80% women....
one sent me a hello and from there we started talking..
years ago there were aol chatrooms and every state had them and at least in maine had monthly gatherings... awesome place to meet the ladies because they were single ..
today … again join many facebook forums of interest …. ive "met" many from scrabble forums … to food/cooking forums..
women have their guard up in many venues..... because of the creepy/unknown factors....try to find similar interests...
guys have to respect the fact that some things we don't have to worry about...women do ..so they avoid putting themselves in that position...(being physically overpowered...or trusting too soon.....
in some ways its 10x easier today to "meet" some ladies but you have to get out there....on the internet.. again...join many facebook forums.. of interest.
and this isn't high school.....guys have to grow up be mature ..be respectful.. and don't be your own worse anchor..
don't base future dating opportunities on past failures.... you will be doomed from the start..... and..... if you are carrying around hurt/pain let that crap go...be fair ….no one wants to be around a moping turd.....doesn't matter how unfair you think life is...
be positive...upbeat have a sense of humor...
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
I would think that if the point of going to an event of your interest is because you are interested in it.
Yup, go because it interests you, because doing things is fun.
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
And I'd think the point of talking to a woman there might be to determine whether you might be interested in her.
Ah, well, for some people I suppose. I don't generally have an agenda when I chat with a stranger, I just talk to people because good conversations are fun to have.
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