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A guy I briefly dated 12 years ago has recently contacted me a few times over social media. He first contacted me on social media 6 years ago, but I didn’t see the message until three years later. I did respond, but he didn’t see my message until two years later (which was last summer). So we exchanged a few messages last summer (just polite “how have you been” stuff) and I thought that was it. Then he sent me a “hope you’re well” message several months later a few weeks before Christmas and I sent a polite response back, but thought that was it. Then today, I got a message from him asking if I’d like to meet for coffee.
Once again, I haven’t seen or spoken to this person in 12 years. We aren’t friends on social media, he just contacted me randomly. I don’t really remember much about him but luckily I have an old journal where I did mention him so in reading that, I found out that we had eight dates 12 years ago. I was getting annoyed because he was taking a really long time to kiss me and I felt like there wasn’t much chemistry between us, but then after he finally kissed me (on our 7th date), I still wasn’t really into him. I don’t see a journal entry about how I ended things with him, but I’m assuming I told him that I didn’t think we were right for each other or something. I started dating someone else a few months later and never regretted my decision to move on.
I don’t know if he’s just feeling lonely since it’s around the holidays but I’m not sure why he wants to see me again. It’s not like we had that great of a time together. But I also feel bad about rejecting him because he seems like a nice guy, and I know that I’ve thought about people from my past too and would like to see some of them again. But I really don’t think there’s a chance that I’m going to fall for him this time around considering that I wasn’t interested back then, so I don’t really want to waste his time by accepting the coffee date. But I’m also not dating anyone else at the moment, so I wonder if I should just meet with him anyway?
Women: Would you go if you were single?
Men: If you contacted a woman after so many years, would you rather her turn you down or meet with you anyway even though she’s pretty sure that she’s not interested in you? Would you want to have one last shot to change her mind anyway?
A guy I briefly dated 12 years ago has recently contacted me a few times over social media. He first contacted me on social media 6 years ago, but I didn’t see the message until three years later. I did respond, but he didn’t see my message until two years later (which was last summer). So we exchanged a few messages last summer (just polite “how have you been” stuff) and I thought that was it. Then he sent me a “hope you’re well” message several months later a few weeks before Christmas and I sent a polite response back, but thought that was it. Then today, I got a message from him asking if I’d like to meet for coffee.
Once again, I haven’t seen or spoken to this person in 12 years. We aren’t friends on social media, he just contacted me randomly. I don’t really remember much about him but luckily I have an old journal where I did mention him so in reading that, I found out that we had eight dates 12 years ago. I was getting annoyed because he was taking a really long time to kiss me and I felt like there wasn’t much chemistry between us, but then after he finally kissed me (on our 7th date), I still wasn’t really into him. I don’t see a journal entry about how I ended things with him, but I’m assuming I told him that I didn’t think we were right for each other or something. I started dating someone else a few months later and never regretted my decision to move on.
I don’t know if he’s just feeling lonely since it’s around the holidays but I’m not sure why he wants to see me again. It’s not like we had that great of a time together. But I also feel bad about rejecting him because he seems like a nice guy, and I know that I’ve thought about people from my past too and would like to see some of them again. But I really don’t think there’s a chance that I’m going to fall for him this time around considering that I wasn’t interested back then, so I don’t really want to waste his time by accepting the coffee date. But I’m also not dating anyone else at the moment, so I wonder if I should just meet with him anyway?
Women: Would you go if you were single?
Men: If you contacted a woman after so many years, would you rather her turn you down or meet with you anyway even though she’s pretty sure that she’s not interested in you? Would you want to have one last shot to change her mind anyway?
I know it sounds stupid, but I would hope you chose the latter. It might provide some finality for me.
But at same time, stepping outside of my own needs or desires, you shouldn't feel obligated to do anything. If there's a small chance you might feel connection, then fine. But if you absolutely know there is none, then you shouldn't feel obligated to give another chance.
12 years later, You're still single. He hasn't forgotten you. You're both older and wiser now. I'm curious where this might go. As long as he's not dangerous.
Since you're both single; I would go out with him. Sometimes people change, sometimes they don't, but, you're not going to know until you go out with him.
Good luck and please post an update if you decide to go out with him. :-)
A guy I briefly dated 12 years ago has recently contacted me a few times over social media. He first contacted me on social media 6 years ago, but I didn’t see the message until three years later. I did respond, but he didn’t see my message until two years later (which was last summer). So we exchanged a few messages last summer (just polite “how have you been” stuff) and I thought that was it. Then he sent me a “hope you’re well” message several months later a few weeks before Christmas and I sent a polite response back, but thought that was it. Then today, I got a message from him asking if I’d like to meet for coffee.
Once again, I haven’t seen or spoken to this person in 12 years. We aren’t friends on social media, he just contacted me randomly. I don’t really remember much about him but luckily I have an old journal where I did mention him so in reading that, I found out that we had eight dates 12 years ago. I was getting annoyed because he was taking a really long time to kiss me and I felt like there wasn’t much chemistry between us, but then after he finally kissed me (on our 7th date), I still wasn’t really into him. I don’t see a journal entry about how I ended things with him, but I’m assuming I told him that I didn’t think we were right for each other or something. I started dating someone else a few months later and never regretted my decision to move on.
I don’t know if he’s just feeling lonely since it’s around the holidays but I’m not sure why he wants to see me again. It’s not like we had that great of a time together. But I also feel bad about rejecting him because he seems like a nice guy, and I know that I’ve thought about people from my past too and would like to see some of them again. But I really don’t think there’s a chance that I’m going to fall for him this time around considering that I wasn’t interested back then, so I don’t really want to waste his time by accepting the coffee date. But I’m also not dating anyone else at the moment, so I wonder if I should just meet with him anyway?
Women: Would you go if you were single?
Men: If you contacted a woman after so many years, would you rather her turn you down or meet with you anyway even though she’s pretty sure that she’s not interested in you? Would you want to have one last shot to change her mind anyway?
It sounds like he's feeling a bit nostalgic and looking to reconnect with you. However, it sounds like you felt "meh" about him then and pretty much the same about him now... so there's really no point in meeting up.
I would politely decline his invitation and wish him well.
It sounds like he's feeling a bit nostalgic and looking to reconnect with you. However, it sounds like you felt "meh" about him then and pretty much the same about him now... so there's really no point in meeting up.
I would politely decline his invitation and wish him well.
I’m just surprised that he would want to reconnect with me out of all the other people who I assume he’s dated over the years (well maybe he contacted them too). I’m very much a nostalgic person myself so I do understand where he’s coming from if that’s what this is about. Or maybe he feels like he should’ve done things differently then? Even though I complained about it in my journal, I really don’t think I was that bothered that he took so long to kiss me. I think I was probably just looking for a reason not to be interested in him, so I chose to focus on that. I don’t remember a thing about him other than that he seemed like a nice guy and he didn’t make any physical moves on me until I asked him why he hadn’t kissed me yet. I would not go out 8 times with someone who I didn’t like at all, so I must’ve liked him somewhat.
I don’t want to get his hopes up for nothing by agreeing to meet with him, but I haven’t responded yet.
I don't think you would. I know the past history makes it a little different than a 1st time date with a totally new person. But, if you don't go, you'll always wonder...
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