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I've been to these, but never met anyone there. Speed dating events are better, although those are hit or miss as well.
If I were a single woman instead of happily married, I think that speed dating would be a blast.
I think it would be better than the singles party. I don't know why people are so serious about dating. It should be fun.
I live in a huge city, and Ive seen several of them advertised. I have been interested in going, but for one reason or another never have.
My interest is along the lines of being curious, so I wouldn't expect much, and if it stunk for whatever reason, I would probably never do it again. $20 is cheap.
The last time it happened to me was a few years ago. Pretty much all my relationships have happened naturally. I do get what you guys are saying though. Unfortunately for me, I need a lot of casual time around a person to develop romantic feelings. If I feel any sort of pressure, the romance is killed for me.
People just want to move so fast. I mean the last guy I dated, I had known 20+ years before I got a crush on him. Lol I take my damn time!
It seems like when you hang out with someone as a "date" (vs just as friends) they're basically waiting, wondering "do you like me yet? Are we gonna be a thing? Is this happening yet?" and I can't answer those questions about someone I barely know. I've had so many guys approach me online, have one short, bland conversation and then demand to know whether I like them and can see a future with us. I'm just like...WHAT?
At least on a dating site I can take my time and wait for people who don't come on too strong or put the pressure on. But at a singles mixer, I feel like people would be expecting some sort of action (maybe not sexual but something) right off the bat.
I can understand what you mean by taking your time. Even I do this. But 20 years? Sure there's more to that story. lol. Were you not dating men or had any romantic relationships with other men other than that guy during that time?
I know of some dudes that wanted to move in with a woman after 2 months of dating. So there's extremes that way.
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It seems like when you hang out with someone as a "date" (vs just as friends)
Therein lies the rub. Men don't typically want to "hang out as friends", because it typically leads to the friend zone. If I ask a woman out, granted I've gotten to know her, and she said, "We can go out as friends", I move on. It means she's not attracted and I would think she immediately put me in the friend zone.
I had one woman say, after meeting me from online that she liked me, but didn't see it going anywhere beyond friendship, but we can "hang out as friends", I said, "Sorry, I have enough friends". Also, I was attracted to her, felt like we had a lot in common, so why put myself through that?
Believe you me I USED to be that guy in my 20s, but every time I took my time or whatever, some other guy would swoop her up and immediately ask her out on a date. So, lesson learned.
Now, I don't sleep with someone immediately, but it would all depend on how many times we went out and such. Usually it takes me a few or maybe even several dates to determine if it's going anywhere. Usually by date 3 or 4, I'm getting a good night kiss or some level of physical affection. If not by then, I'd think we're not feeling it and move on.
Also, I never understood why someone is a afraid to call a date a "date", but nowdays it's "hangin' out", usually I equate that to what college kids do. I think people over 40 don't do the "hangin' out" thing in lieu of date. It's as if using the "D" word was toxic. lol Why are people afraid to call a date a "date"?
I remember one time a woman put me in the friend zone, as she wasn't over her divorce. She even brought her friend with her a couple of times. So she brought a third wheel. She wouldn't let me pay for anything either. Separate checks. So I was kind of past that and was cool with her platonic friendship. One day calls me up and wants to "hang out", so we go to a park to walk and talk.
When I get back to my vehicle, she expressed her attraction to me in a subtle fashion, but I didn't pick up on it. Then, she immediately said she was attracted to me...and was indeed interested...but she said if you want to be friends, still....that's okay. I told her, "Well, you said earlier you wanted to be friends, plus you were getting over a divorce, so perhaps it's best we remain friends"
Mentally I was over that hump where she friend zoned me, and frankly wasn't feeling it after she switched gears like that. Couldn't make up her mind apparently, and I don't care for indecisiveness.
I had a guy friend of mine, that said that he met a woman that wanted to " hang out with him as friends", but...expected him to PAY! She was like "You asked me out, you're the one that pays". He's like, "Um, I don't think so!" I had one woman try to pull that on me. She expected me to pay for parking by saying, " A true gentleman pays a woman's way".
And I said, "Um, we're not dating" . Apparently, they thought chivalry extends to the friend zone. lol
Last edited by ThisTown123; 01-27-2019 at 05:02 AM..
Yeah, I agree with most of that. A mixer wouldn’t be my thing, either.
I’m always surprised when I answer someone online and they message back right away: “What are you doing today?†“What about later on?†“Tonight?â€
As if I put my shoes on, stood next to the door and answered their first message, ready to put an address in my phone and run out to meet. I like to get to know someone too, but then again if it didn’t include the possibility of romance or sex, I’d just hang out with one of the girls from work, at least they’re fun.
Well, I wouldn't want to meet someone the same day. I typically would transition to a phone conversation first and then see where it goes. I usually expect to meet them within at least a week of talking/emails. Online dating advises to meet sooner than to wait too long...as you don't want to wind up someone's perpetual texting buddy, aka , time vampires.
I remember one time a woman put me in the friend zone, as she wasn't over her divorce. She even brought her friend with her a couple of times. So she brought a third wheel. She wouldn't let me pay for anything either. Separate checks. So I was kind of past that and was cool with her platonic friendship. One day calls me up and wants to "hang out", so we go to a park to walk and talk.
When I get back to my vehicle, she expressed her attraction to me in a subtle fashion, but I didn't pick up on it. Then, she immediately said she was attracted to me...and was indeed interested...but she said if you want to be friends, still....that's okay. I told her, "Well, you said earlier you wanted to be friends, plus you were getting over a divorce, so perhaps it's best we remain friends"
Mentally I was over that hump where she friend zoned me, and frankly wasn't feeling it after she switched gears like that. Couldn't make up her mind apparently, and I don't care for indecisiveness.
I think you misread that situation. I've said it before and I'll say it again: there's "friend zone" and there's "friend (until I feel I can trust you) zone". You were put in the latter, passed the test, but then blew it and blamed it on indecisiveness. It was never a platonic friendship. She just needed to make sure you were sincere before proceeding.
I live in a huge city, and Ive seen several of them advertised. I have been interested in going, but for one reason or another never have.
My interest is along the lines of being curious, so I wouldn't expect much, and if it stunk for whatever reason, I would probably never do it again. $20 is cheap.
A blast?
I would be terrified.
I'm not sure how people can feel the pressure of being judged by so many people in so little time. I'm not sure how many 'rounds' you go in one session, but if you come away empty handed -- you've just been rejected a dozen or more times in just one night.
I think you misread that situation. I've said it before and I'll say it again: there's "friend zone" and there's "friend (until I feel I can trust you) zone". You were put in the latter, passed the test, but then blew it and blamed it on indecisiveness. It was never a platonic friendship. She just needed to make sure you were sincere before proceeding.
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there's "friend zone" and there's "friend (until I feel I can trust you) zone".
Is this latter portion a thing now? "Friend until I can trust you zone"? Never heard of it as I was in a romantic dating situation with a woman that I was physical with, kissing and passionate making out on each date, but she felt that she needed to trust me before sleeping with me. Now THAT is wherein' the "until I can trust you" makes sense, but minus the friendship. That I can handle. Also, did you not read the other examples, too?
So I don't think you speak for everyone when it comes to the "Friends until I can trust you" zone. I think you're describing the whole "Friends first" dating, which typically isn't recommended
They all somehow tie in together. I didn't "blow" anything, there's no right or wrong way to do things here. I went with my gut as I thought it was a bad idea to start a romance with someone going through a divorce. She had no problem immediately jumping into a relationship with a guy shortly after that. She was the kind of person that could never be alone or without a man. So bullet dodged actually.
There are rare cases where friendship firsts have, by chance, turned out into a romance, but they are few an far between, however being friends means you were eliminated as a romantic partner but are decent enough to spend time with as a friend. You just weren’t attractive enough to actually pursue, or worse because you chose to be friends you self eliminated from the pool of men she might have been interested in.
The last time it happened to me was a few years ago. Pretty much all my relationships have happened naturally. I do get what you guys are saying though. Unfortunately for me, I need a lot of casual time around a person to develop romantic feelings. If I feel any sort of pressure, the romance is killed for me.
People just want to move so fast. I mean the last guy I dated, I had known 20+ years before I got a crush on him. Lol I take my damn time!
It seems like when you hang out with someone as a "date" (vs just as friends) they're basically waiting, wondering "do you like me yet? Are we gonna be a thing? Is this happening yet?" and I can't answer those questions about someone I barely know. I've had so many guys approach me online, have one short, bland conversation and then demand to know whether I like them and can see a future with us. I'm just like...WHAT?
At least on a dating site I can take my time and wait for people who don't come on too strong or put the pressure on. But at a singles mixer, I feel like people would be expecting some sort of action (maybe not sexual but something) right off the bat.
I can relate to your feelings about dating people with the intention of seeing whether or not you like them. For me it has always been one sided like that as well, but not so much because it takes time for me to develop feelings. It's because I was never really interested in the first place. The guys will already be interested and I'm like "No, it's just not there." It's difficult for me to explain. Typically if I'm going to like someone, it happens fairly early on. People don't "grow on me." So if it's not there, it never will be. There were guys who liked me for 10+ years and no amount of hanging out ever made me consider giving them a shot.
However, whenever I would be having a conversation with a guy, I can feel that he's attracted to me, and it becomes awkward because most of the time the attraction is not reciprocated. For me, it's matter of not coming across people I'm attracted to often. I can't control that either, and the idea of dating to see if I can find someone out there who is attractive to me, just turns me off. I've met all of my crushes through random encounters and through just being social in typical settings.
That's part of why my attitude towards relationships is so blase. There is so much I cannot control, so eventually I adopted a new mindset. These days I'm so used to being single, the desire for a partner has gone way down. I've gotten used to it or I've adapted, I suppose.
I can relate to your feelings about dating people with the intention of seeing whether or not you like them. For me it has always been one sided like that as well, but not so much because it takes time for me to develop feelings. It's because I was never really interested in the first place. The guys will already be interested and I'm like "No, it's just not there." It's difficult for me to explain. Typically if I'm going to like someone, it happens fairly early on. People don't "grow on me." So if it's not there, it never will be.
However, whenever I would be having a conversation with a guy, I can feel that he's attracted to me, and it becomes awkward because most of the time the attraction is not reciprocated. For me, it's matter of not coming across people I'm attracted to often. I can't control that either, and the idea of dating to see if I can find someone out there who is attractive to me, just turns me off. I've met all of my crushes through random encounters and through just being social in typical settings.
That's part of why my attitude towards relationships is so blase. There is so much I cannot control, so eventually I adopted a new mindset. These days I'm so used to being single, the desire for a partner has gone way down. I've gotten used to it or I've adapted, I suppose.
Yeah, I recall men pining after female friends, just praying and hoping that they can wear her down, but if they aren't nagging her to date them...then they'll just hang around hoping cupid will fire an arrow at her. lol Seen this all the time in my college years. Been guilty of it myself back then. I know this one woman that had like 2 or 3 male "friends" that were "hanging out" with her, oddly enough, she had a long distance boyfriend at the time and NEVER brought him up when she was hanging out with her guy friends because she would think It'd upset them. very strange attitude there.
I can understand what you mean by taking your time. Even I do this. o that story. lol. Were you not dating men or had any romantic relationships with other men other than that guy during that time?
Yes, lol. He was someone I went to Jr. High with. I was never into him when we were younger. I went off, had relationships, lived my adult life, moved out of state (multiple states), traveled a lot, then eventually came back to my hometown and he was still here and we connected again for a summer fling.
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