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I have a long-time neighbor and friend who I get together with once every few weeks. We're both straight men, and he's married. Here's today's email exchange:
Him: "Interested in grabbing dinner this evening?"
Me: "Sure, but I don't know if I can leave the office in time. I might know later, but why don't we just plan on another time?
Him: "Will you know by 4:30pm?"
Me: "Yes."
So at 4:25pm:
Me: "I'm free."
Him: "When?"
Me: "Anytime after 6pm."
Him: "OK"
Me: "Do you want to go to Restaurant ABC, on me?" (It's a nicer place, and I owe him a favor.)
Him: "Sure. Do you want to meet at my place at 6?" (He doesn't live far from Restaurant ABC, but I'd have to go to his place and then go back in the other direction to Restaurant ABC, making a long trip for me.)
Me: "Yes. Do you want to just go to Pub 123?" (It's an inexpensive place near him. He's really thrifty. I'd be willing to pay, but he might have wanted to pay for himself. It's a place he goes often.)
Him: "So sorry, my wife says that she wants to have dinner- just the two of us."
Me: "No problem."
Him: "Really sorry."
I don't doubt that his wife did that.
But what kind of marriage is that? The husband can't even make plans without having his wife cancel them.
He should have mentioned to his wife that he was planning to make plans with you beforehand, not after the fact. She could have made other plans, too. In our marriage, we assume we're having dinner together unless one of us speaks up otherwise, and I don't mean 90 minutes before the fact.
It is Friday night. It's not unusual for couples to think of that as a date night. Your friend has a better chance of getting laid with his wife than with you, right?
Depend on how many times a week that he and his wife get to go out just the two of them. If it's once a week, and that's about the time, his wife gets the first priority. If he already went out with his wife a couple times that week, and he already told her about his dinner plan with his friend, any understanding woman would let her husband goes out with his friend, unless she thinks that friend is a bad influence on her husband.
He should have mentioned to his wife that he was planning to make plans with you beforehand, not after the fact. She could have made other plans, too. In our marriage, we assume we're having dinner together unless one of us speaks up otherwise, and I don't mean 90 minutes before the fact.
Same here. We don't ask each other for permission but we do consult each other about plans before making them with others. I find it odd that others would take issue with that.
He should have mentioned to his wife that he was planning to make plans with you beforehand, not after the fact. She could have made other plans, too. In our marriage, we assume we're having dinner together unless one of us speaks up otherwise, and I don't mean 90 minutes before the fact.
Yup. I'd like to know the backstory here. Did he clear with his wife his going out to dinner with his buddy? Doesn't sound like it. She may have already been looking forward to dinner with her hubby, then suddenly found out he'd made plans with you, OP. Don't assume she did it to be controlling, or something.
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