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If you have been seeing somebody for a couple of months, and then eventually they started slowly fading away, how would you handle it? For a little bit of context, things had been going slow but there was a strong attraction and we enjoy each other's company when we're together. However, he's hesitant to commit, and I can tell (largely because of his past baggage and busy work life), things are probably not going to work and he's starting to slow fade away in communication and face-to-face dates. So I'm wondering if I should reach out and call him out for closure, asking him if there's something he needs to tell me, or just let it die.
I do like him and wish things would've turned out differently which is why I feel like confronting him might give me clarity so I'm sure I'm seeing things correctly. However, I'm not sure if I would get the truth or just "I've been really busy." On the other hand, I feel like being vocal about his feelings and intentions are his job and if he chooses to fade away like this, I should just let it happen and move on.
If you have been seeing somebody for a couple of months, and then eventually they started slowly fading away, how would you handle it? For a little bit of context, things had been going slow but there was a strong attraction and we enjoy each other's company when we're together. However, he's hesitant to commit, and I can tell (largely because of his past baggage and busy work life), things are probably not going to work and he's starting to slow fade away in communication and face-to-face dates. So I'm wondering if I should reach out and call him out for closure, asking him if there's something he needs to tell me, or just let it die.
I do like him and wish things would've turned out differently which is why I feel like confronting him might give me clarity so I'm sure I'm seeing things correctly. However, I'm not sure if I would get the truth or just "I've been really busy." On the other hand, I feel like being vocal about his feelings and intentions are his job and if he chooses to fade away like this, I should just let it happen and move on.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
I want to say let the slow fade to black happen but men never do it that way. Instead they just get lazier and lazier and then when they are ready to get laid text you "Hey wyd?" like nothing ever happened, like you're just going to pick up right where you left off. And yes, if you confront him about it at that point, he's just going to say he's been busy. So you have to address it now and either tell him it's over and you don't want to do it anymore and you can move on, or tell him he has to pony up right now, and set a date in your own mind (don't tell him) of when you're going to end it for sure if he doesn't keep any promises he's about to make.
You could always end it yourself. I know, I've BTDT and you hate to do it-- you might not be sure you're right about what's happening, or you may feel it shouldn't be your responsibility to fix their emotions*.
If you're fine with a slow fade-- the relationship isn't causing you distress, you don't feel you're being prevented from finding someone else, etc.-- you can always do it that way. You can try talking to the person but as you said, you don't know if you're going to get the truth (and you probably won't-- if they were inclined to being really honest with you, they would've just ended it rather than fading). Those are pretty much your three options.
*I admit I tend to have a hard time balancing my desire to NOT be with someone who doesn't want to be with me/is just faking it, and my feeling that I'm not responsible for reading someone else's mind and it's not my job to let them off the hook/do their "dirty work" for them of ending it so they don't have to scrape up the huevos to do it themselves. I tend to think either a person needs to be honest about their feelings and do the hard task of telling someone they no longer want to be their significant other/friend/they don't want to hang out/whatever, or live with being unhappy with the other person's presence without blaming the other person. But, I also tend to think that I don't need anyone in my life who doesn't want to be, so it's a game of weighing which is more important to me in each situation.
If you have been seeing somebody for a couple of months, and then eventually they started slowly fading away, how would you handle it? For a little bit of context, things had been going slow but there was a strong attraction and we enjoy each other's company when we're together. However, he's hesitant to commit, and I can tell (largely because of his past baggage and busy work life), things are probably not going to work and he's starting to slow fade away in communication and face-to-face dates. So I'm wondering if I should reach out and call him out for closure, asking him if there's something he needs to tell me, or just let it die.
I do like him and wish things would've turned out differently which is why I feel like confronting him might give me clarity so I'm sure I'm seeing things correctly. However, I'm not sure if I would get the truth or just "I've been really busy." On the other hand, I feel like being vocal about his feelings and intentions are his job and if he chooses to fade away like this, I should just let it happen and move on.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
"I feel like confronting him might give me clarity so I'm sure I'm seeing things correctly"
What 'things'? His actions are the 'things', he's fading, and you're seeing that clear as day. You can send a message every now and then to see if he responds, like "I still remember that fun time we had at ...hope things are going well for you at work". Just send something like that, which is your indirect way of saying "I wish things had turned out differently", and he may or may not respond.
"I feel like being vocal about his feelings and intentions are his job"
Yes when you are in a relationship. Until then either side doesn't have to say anything about their feelings or intentions. Seeing someone for only a few months is hardly a relationship. I can say this, guys don't like to end something that really never started. They don't call up and say "hey, I need to end what we have going, just letting you know". Instead they stop contacting. All of a sudden or slowly.
If you have been seeing somebody for a couple of months, and then eventually they started slowly fading away, how would you handle it? For a little bit of context, things had been going slow but there was a strong attraction and we enjoy each other's company when we're together. However, he's hesitant to commit, and I can tell (largely because of his past baggage and busy work life), things are probably not going to work and he's starting to slow fade away in communication and face-to-face dates. So I'm wondering if I should reach out and call him out for closure, asking him if there's something he needs to tell me, or just let it die.
I do like him and wish things would've turned out differently which is why I feel like confronting him might give me clarity so I'm sure I'm seeing things correctly. However, I'm not sure if I would get the truth or just "I've been really busy." On the other hand, I feel like being vocal about his feelings and intentions are his job and if he chooses to fade away like this, I should just let it happen and move on.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
The "fading out" IS your answer.
Most people are never too "busy" for the person they REALLY want to be with. There's always time no matter how chaotic or full their schedule and life may be.
I have a different perspective. I read a thread that talks about fading in a couple of months, and think of the 40 year road I have travelled in my relationship. You've only just begun. Make decisions that are right for you. A true relationship will grow organically, not forced.
I think it matters if you had an agreement of exclusivity/monogamy or not. However, if you were just seeing each other casually without any agreement between you, then I think you already have your answer. I've never really understood what "closure" is and why it's important. It usually just means someone wants to have the last word, as far as I can tell.
I would keep looking forward and start dating others. If/when he eventually contacts you again (and he probably will), you'll have forgotten all about him. Sorry, OP.
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