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As long as they keep it hidden or don't look at it frequently, do you honestly care if the partner you are with saves a lot of past history with their previous exes, even the FWBs?
I imagine in the digital era some people have tons of pictures/videos with past exes and FWBs.
Just asking out of random. I remember a thread where the majority of posters were shouting at some male poster for keeping some old lingerie or something of his ex. It wasn't like he had it out in the open for his current partner to find.
I only have photos from my previous marriage and I've thinned them out but I'm not throwing them all out. I know my husband has photos but I don't think he even knows where they are.
Some things would feel pretty ok, others not so much.
Lingerie...gotta say I would not be comfortable with that. I feel like when a couple parts ways, if the woman has lingerie even if the guy bought it for her, she ought to take that with her. Or it could be destroyed or thrown away. But hanging onto that, is bad form in my opinion. It's like a sexual trophy or a reminder of intimacy and it feels squicky.
I also would not keep, like, underwear or something, that was worn by any ex of mine. Or for instance if we had photos of intimate moments I wouldn't be keeping those.
And that isn't just a matter of perspective from a new partner thinking about my partner with momentos from his old partners. If I've broken up with someone and I find out they've got my intimates and they keep them like treasures I'm gonna think, "ugh, gross, that's seriously creepy." It goes beyond jealousy into just...ick.
Other things that are not really sexual in nature, other kinds of momentos might be fine. It's more about the significance attached to them. I don't hold on to tethers to an emotional bond that is no longer there...but just reminders of my own life history that was shared with other people, sure whatever.
This actually reminds me of something silly. I was my ex husband's third wife. I knew his second wife. We had some turbulent times in our youth and had to relocate with little resources, leaving most of our stuff behind. His 2nd wife agreed to store some of our stuff when we had to leave the state but within a couple of years I told her, "You know the way things are going, I just don't see us being able to come get any of it. Please feel free to do what you want with it...keep it, sell it, throw it out. You don't owe us this." So she made a trip to visit at one point and she brought a couple of boxes in the trunk of her car... And she chose to bring the wedding photos from her wedding to my ex, and repeatedly asked me if I was ok with keeping them (in the home I shared with him.) And I told her I didn't care. And she asked again...and again. 4 or 5 times at least. "Are you sure it's ok? I just really want them to be kept safe..." No, she really didn't, if she did she'd keep them herself. She wanted to upset me, is what she wanted, and she was determined to keep at it until she got a reaction. It was too obvious. I almost laughed in her face. No. I really do not care.
Lingerie??? How would hidden be better than in view?
Anything less than an ex-wife, and those pictures would be trashed. I might keep certain pictures from trips I took with a former GF, but none with her in them. For an ex-wife, I'd keep them if they were of kids we had together (for example, a baptism photo). But those photos with the ex-wife wouldn't be on display.
What about keeping sex videos of exes or nudes? As long as you have it hidden why should it matter?
If I never have to know about it, then I'd be ok with not knowing. But I really never want to know about it.
If I knew about it, I'd think about it, and it would make me uncomfortable.
Are you cool with your wife or girlfriend having hot naked pictures of a guy she really used to enjoy having sex with? Or perhaps sexy letters or writings they may have done that she gets off on reading?
Of course I've got more issues with porn than many women do. But that is outside the scope of this thread.
With an ex, it's like you are setting up your partner to think you are not over the ex, don't want to let go, and would rather still be with them if you had the option. At least sexually. It's not a good feeling.
And again the flipside...how would you feel about a girlfriend or wife you are now with, if she told you her ex has a bunch of videos and pictures of her, and he still enjoys them? I'm only curious if that would be uncomfortable for you or not.
Ultimately it's not for us to tell you what "is ok" or "isn't ok" because no one here is in a relationship with you. It isn't a matter of objective right or wrong. If you are with someone and it's a serious problem for them, they are 100% justified in leaving you if they don't want to deal with it. Nobody controls anybody else, they can't control your need to keep your momentos, and you can't control how they feel about it, or make them choose to stay and feel hurt. Maybe for some people it's no big deal.
But if you are with someone and it hurts them, and you insist you're doing nothing wrong, you are telling them which is more important to you. Keeping some old pictures, or keeping them in your life.
I would need to know that I'm #1. I need to be treated like I'm #1. I don't really care if my husband has pictures tucked away somewhere, because I don't "catch him" looking online, or going through old photos or whatever.
People have memories, and my husband and I married in our 40's. It'd be silly to pretend we DON'T have fond memories from the past. But as long as I'm his #1 and only girl, I'm ok with the past.
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