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I've recently realized that with my life that I live (basically going to work a lot and just hanging out in my apartment on my days off) I'm not going to magically find a girlfriend. So I've been making an attempt to get out more often and tonight I made that attempt. I went to a local coffee shop, got myself a drink, and just sat by myself and listened to the live band. I noticed a few cute girls here and there, but I had no idea what to do. Do I approach them? Do I wait for them to approach me? Because there's issues with both of those.
Girls aren't going to just magically approach a random guy in public, no matter how cute he is. And I know plenty of girls who would be creeped out by some random guy approaching them in a coffee shop. I've decided that I'm already giving up on meeting anyone at this coffee place and now I'm wondering what I have to do to find a girlfriend. Regardless of where you are, whether it be a coffee shop, a bar, a gym, a book shop, or a restaurant, people don't just approach someone they think is cute. That's just something that happens in movies. So what am I to do?
Cliff's Notes: Get involved in groups activities of some sort, that women participate in. Join something. Take a class. Join the local co-ed soccer league or see what classes and activities your Parks Dept. runs. Conversation happens naturally, when you're sharing an activity of mutual interest with people, and you're all getting to know each other in the process.
Otherwise, yeah, you have to approach people. Ask questions when in line for coffee to the person in front or behind you: "I've never tried this place before. Which of their coffee drinks do you recommend?" or be witty. Make a joke, if you can muster some humor. Be spontaneous.
Cliff's Notes: Get involved in groups activities of some sort, that women participate in. Join something. Take a class. Join the local co-ed soccer league or see what classes and activities your Parks Dept. runs. Conversation happens naturally, when you're sharing an activity of mutual interest with people, and you're all getting to know each other in the process.
Otherwise, yeah, you have to approach people. Ask questions when in line for coffee to the person in front or behind you: "I've never tried this place before. Which of their coffee drinks do you recommend?" or be witty. Make a joke, if you can muster some humor. Be spontaneous.
Do you have a bit of social anxiety, OP? Is that why you spend so much time cooped up in your apartment? Maybe the people on your other thread were right; maybe it's time for a few sessions of counseling, if you're cringing.
Do you have a bit of social anxiety, OP? Is that why you spend so much time cooped up in your apartment? Maybe the people on your other thread were right; maybe it's time for a few sessions of counseling, if you're cringing.
I'm cringing because you have a sitcom idea of picking up women in public.
I've recently realized that with my life that I live (basically going to work a lot and just hanging out in my apartment on my days off) I'm not going to magically find a girlfriend. So I've been making an attempt to get out more often and tonight I made that attempt. I went to a local coffee shop, got myself a drink, and just sat by myself and listened to the live band. I noticed a few cute girls here and there, but I had no idea what to do. Do I approach them? Do I wait for them to approach me? Because there's issues with both of those.
Girls aren't going to just magically approach a random guy in public, no matter how cute he is. And I know plenty of girls who would be creeped out by some random guy approaching them in a coffee shop. I've decided that I'm already giving up on meeting anyone at this coffee place and now I'm wondering what I have to do to find a girlfriend. Regardless of where you are, whether it be a coffee shop, a bar, a gym, a book shop, or a restaurant, people don't just approach someone they think is cute. That's just something that happens in movies. So what am I to do?
How old are you?
If you are in the age range of 21 to 35 or so, then the answer is you use every option available to you.
Meetups, bars, OLD, clubs, cold approach, friends of friends, work, have your mom set you up, etc.
The list goes on. And you're like most dudes, you'll need all of those options to have a chance, haha...
If you're older than that, it becomes a different ballgame. Much more difficult.
You have posted about other girlfriends. Where did you meet those girls?
The first girlfriend that I posted about back in September 2018 (the one who I got into a snow fight with) was a co-worker that I met at work.
The other girlfriend whom I posted had her mom set up me and her on a blind date. I was at a local festival working my family's booth when she came up to me out of nowhere and starts telling me about her daughter and how we'd make a cute couple.
Otherwise, yeah, you have to approach people. Ask questions when in line for coffee to the person in front or behind you: "I've never tried this place before. Which of their coffee drinks do you recommend?" or be witty. Make a joke, if you can muster some humor. Be spontaneous.
You say this suggestion is cringe-worthy. I disagree...one thing a person needs to learn is how to make small talk and approach strangers. I’m a real introvert and I MAKE myself start conversations like this, although my preferred locale is the check out line at the grocery store. I’m not trying to meet someone, but I do it just to get out of my shell. If you practiced doing this (with all sorts of people - guys, old ladies, even little kids) then when you see a woman who looks interesting, you can throw out a line and it feels almost natural. Try it.
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