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Has anyone ever dealt with this? Sometimes I feel like I struggle to sell myself amongst my age group, being someone with Autism and as a writer and pop culture fan.
Maybe a tiny bit. I don’t lead with my trashy tv or fiction favorites. I save that for a second or third date. I don’t usually talk about my community volunteering immediately either.
Yes. I struggle to sell myself too. It sucks, because I honestly believe some of these men would actually like me if they’d just give me a chance past the first date.
I have discussed at length here my issues with dating. My energy/aura, personality, or something (not quite sure what) is turning men off and repelling them heavily. So I’m trying different things. I am currently experimenting with tweaking, highlighting and obscuring aspects of my personality and trying to figure out what brings the best results. I absolutely play down my job, degrees and things that I have, because men often are turned off by stuff like this. I am trying to figure out if “bubbly/funny”, “slightly sarcastic”, “demure” works best. I’m also trying out different looks; girly dresses vs jeans. I’m trying to figure out what gets the most “bang”; discussing my activities, travel, funny stories, or whatever. I’m experimenting with things like tone of voice, body language.
Anyway, to answer your question: yes, I’m dealing with this.
Maybe a tiny bit. I don’t lead with my trashy tv or fiction favorites. I save that for a second or third date. I don’t usually talk about my community volunteering immediately either.
I’m not an open book, but it isn’t locked either.
This is smart. I went on a date this summer with a man who is an absolute dreamboat. Pure perfection. He is everything I would absolutely love in a partner. Men like him don’t even come along that frequently. He was the complete, total package. But as usual, he cut the date short and texted me three days later saying he wouldn’t be moving forward. In retrospect, there were certain quirky activities and hobbies I should have held back and saved for later.
No. If a man doesn't like me, let's both just move on and save each other some grief.
I mean, I don't fart or burp around him of course, but I don't just walk around my house doing that either. But I don't play down my personality or interests or achievements or whatever.
I remember the first time I went over to a date's house (the man who I ended up marrying and it was TERRIFIC). He had cooked me some delicious stew that he made and it involved a lot of chopping and frankly, a lot of mess. He had on a messy T shirt, which made sense since he'd been cooking up a storm. I remember thinking "I like this guy." He just had no pretense, you know? Here's what you get. And I liked it.
I wouldn't downplay to a potential date but I would if I met his family, friends, and associates and our personality didn't match. It is a matter of changing who I am when I am one-to-one vs being in a group.
Who else could I honestly be other than myself? If a man isn't into me, he isn't into me and vice versa. Why bait and switch a guy into believing that you're someone who you're not? I would feel duped if a guy did that to me.
It helps that I have a tendency to fit into a multitude of situations and have many interests that kind of help me to be a bit of a social chameleon.
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