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I find that some people I match with, the texting and/or phone conversations are lackluster. Either we have a different way of communicating, not much to talk about, the conversation is boring, or their responses lack thought/effort.
How much does this say about compatibility in the real world?
I was texting a man I matched with on Bumble and we had a phone call which I found a bit dull/draining - and now I don't feel that keen to meet him in person.
I tend to place a bit more emphasis on conversation as I am very intellectually curious and find that enjoyable, interesting and meaningful conversations really get me going. He could be the most average looking man but I will immediately become 10x more interested if he can offer me this.
It is a good indicator but there is still a lot that needs to/can only be figured out in person. When I was single I cut to the chase, so to speak, and didn't waste time online. 5-10 minutes of conversation, ask out for a simple coffee or tea date and that's it. It worked well for me and you can see so much in person you don't online, much more efficient. If you like the person, the date can extend beyond coffee/tea. A number of times that happened to me, including my current GF where a, what I figured what would be a likely 1-hour date before meeting her turned into a 7-8 hour date. But we met offline.
I find that some people I match with, the texting and/or phone conversations are lackluster. Either we have a different way of communicating, not much to talk about, the conversation is boring, or their responses lack thought/effort.
How much does this say about compatibility in the real world?
I was texting a man I matched with on Bumble and we had a phone call which I found a bit dull/draining - and now I don't feel that keen to meet him in person.
I tend to place a bit more emphasis on conversation as I am very intellectually curious and find that enjoyable, interesting and meaningful conversations really get me going. He could be the most average looking man but I will immediately become 10x more interested if he can offer me this.
What has been your experience?
They say it's better to meet sooner, than latter, thus the woman dragging it out until she ghosts you when you ask her out for a in person meeting for a 3rd time.
I had woman that got some sense into her when she asked ME to meet with HER (she initiated) as she did acknowledge she cannot stand texting as one cannot deliver real communication fully that way.
...how much stock do you place on your compatibility over text and phone conversations?
ZERO ... Don't let yourself get caught up in the head game.
Text, Phone, Pics, Location, etc only serve to weed out those we DON'T want to meet
(based on whatever criteria YOU consider important)
The existence of the things that will matter to YOU can only be determined to be a reality AFTER meeting.
Don't Delay Meeting.
Last edited by MrRational; 10-07-2021 at 04:56 AM..
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,041,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrRational
ZERO ... Don't let yourself get caught up in the head game.
Text, Phone, Pics, Location, etc only serve to weed out those we DON'T want to meet
(based on whatever criteria YOU consider important)
The existence of the things that will matter to YOU can only be determined to be a reality AFTER meeting.
Don't Delay Meeting.
This. Its only an avenue to set up a meeting to determine chemistry.
Sometimes there is clearly no compatibility, and sometimes it's very clear. Mostly it's too difficult to be sure. Some people (like me) don't do well with phone conversations; I think the lack of body language signals makes it difficult. I've encountered women who are worse than me on the phone, too.
So, I will usually try to meet unless there is clearly no decent chance of a connection. A short meeting is usually sufficient to determine basic compatibility, but real compatibility takes weeks or months to establish.
To be blunt, if he cannot have a conversation in real time on the phone and needs the security of backspacing and deleting before expressing a thought, he is too anxious or slow-witted for me to put on make-up and go and meet him. I am not much into "small talk," so it is good to know that he can go beyond the surface level of texting and think on his feet.
I have also weeded out people who had incompatible views and attitudes, people who go on in profanity, etc. If he never wants a call in the evening, he may be married. Caught a couple that way, too.
I liked to have a few messages on the dating site, a call to speak, and if we enjoyed the conversation, usually somebody brought it up to meet. Sometimes I asked, sometimes he did. One of the most endearing (if corny) was "So what do you saya, Seija? Should we meet?" He was a very good man. Too bad we wanted different things.
This may be an uphill battle if ever I do try again, but I find it cowardly if a man cannot muster up the words and use his voice to ask to get together for a cup of coffee and will only ask to meet via text or message on the app, especially at my age. I can do it. So should he. I like equality that way.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,041,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude
Sometimes there is clearly no compatibility, and sometimes it's very clear. Mostly it's too difficult to be sure. Some people (like me) don't do well with phone conversations; I think the lack of body language signals makes it difficult. I've encountered women who are worse than me on the phone, too.
So, I will usually try to meet unless there is clearly no decent chance of a connection. A short meeting is usually sufficient to determine basic compatibility, but real compatibility takes weeks or months to establish.
Yeah, lots of people absolutely hate the phone. Other than work and some family (elderly), its not high on my list. Also tells me nothing about a person. I've found zero correlation between being able to have a discussion on the phone and connecting in person. Heck, I've dated people years and maybe had 1-2 phone calls with them, and usually that was about trying to figure out where they were to pick them up.
Each to their own though. If talking on the phone is important to someone, we really aren't a great match in any case.
Yeah, lots of people absolutely hate the phone. Other than work and some family (elderly), its not high on my list. Also tells me nothing about a person. I've found zero correlation between being able to have a discussion on the phone and connecting in person. Heck, I've dated people years and maybe had 1-2 phone calls with them, and usually that was about trying to figure out where they were to pick them up.
Each to their own though. If talking on the phone is important to someone, we really aren't a great match in any case.
I do not like talking on the phone just to talk on the phone, but I've found that people who can't carry a conversation on the phone usually can't carry one in person, either.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,041,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seija
I do not like talking on the phone just to talk on the phone, but I've found that people who can't carry a conversation on the phone usually can't carry one in person, either.
I have not found that to be true at all, personally. And it goes both ways. Plenty of people are good conversationalist in person, and bad on the phone... or good on the phone, but poor in person.
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