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I'm aware of the typical reasons, (sometimes reasonable, sometimes just terrible human nature) but I can't figure out how the logic in this case...
2 weekends ago a bi dude approached me at a bar while I was with my friends (somehow figuring out that I'm gay despite being us both being 100% masc at a straight dance bar - maybe cuz i rejected 2 girls right before lol). Anyway we hit it off and grinded/made out there, to a chorus of college kids screaming "f****t" at us (really amusing and surprising for 2021). I returned to my frds for late night food since I was there for their bday and wasn't mentally prepared for a gay encounter anyway, but he took my number and msged that night looking to meet again soon.
He took most of the initiative setting up a date for last Friday. He didn't reply a Thursday night followup question until i prodded him Friday noon, but otherwise was messaging frequently about details all Friday afternoon, giving no indication of being unreliable... right up till a message 90 minutes before our date and 15 minutes after his last msg which I hadn't seen at that point, going into great detail about a health crisis with his brother that is making him cancel. He apologized a lot and wanted to meet Saturday night. I suggested Sunday instead (not risking my Saturday lol) and he agreed. He updated me about his brother later that night and we chatted a lot. I went to bed and answered his last messages the next day.
He didn't reply all of Saturday but I was too busy to followup till Sunday morning, asking if everything is OK. He finally replied in the afternoon confirming our plans are still on, but wanted to call in 30 min. I was busy climbing w friends and suggested that he just text me his availability or confirm if 8pm works at the bar we discussed. I sent "?" at 5:30 and at 7pm decided to eat with my friends instead, telling him "ok this is too weird, gonna assume no, mb next time"
Actually I can't imagine what explanation short of him losing his phone or getting hit by a bus will make me consider a next time. He still hasn't replied. Given his strong interest all week, the only other reason I can think of is mb he got caught cheating and is busy fighting about it. I already googled it but can't see anything else that might apply. It couldn't be some sick sport since he didn't trick me into going all the way to the place lol. If he's not that interested, why take so much initiative in the first place? Also he's 29, not some stupid kid. I've never been stood up before, let some by someone I've already met, (also because I'm not into the passive types who r more likely to pull these stunts lol). The closest I've ever done was accidentally double book 2 guys and had to stagger the times the morning of to see both, but at least I kept them in the loop. What else could it be? lol
As I read what you wrote it sounds like you were the one who backed out. He wanted to talk, not text but you were too busy. Maybe he had second thoughts or had something personal going on. Maybe his brother passed away. But you will most likely never know because you were too busy to take the call. Then you were the one who made the call to do something else. He wasn't given the opportunity to stand you up as you beat him to the punch.
As I read what you wrote it sounds like you were the one who backed out. He wanted to talk, not text but you were too busy. Maybe he had second thoughts or had something personal going on. Maybe his brother passed away. But you will most likely never know because you were too busy to take the call. Then you were the one who made the call to do something else. He wasn't given the opportunity to stand you up as you beat him to the punch.
I don't see that as standing him up. He was in the middle of an outing with friends, and couldn't take a call to chat. That's reasonable enough. Why is everyone so paranoid that their new dating pertners are lying to them? People are so willing to assume they've been ghosted, when in fact some people have very normal and legit reasons for not being able to get back to their prospective date. And the OP did get back to him as best he could.
OP, I'm thinking, that as a bi dude, he may be juggling too many interests at once. That's the only thing that comes to mind.
It could have been 100 reasons why, but at the same time he does have a phone and could have let you know ahead of time but he made the choice not to, and so that is definitely on him. He was thoughtless and rude, and standing someone up is NOT ok by any means.
I would delete this guy, or better yet, change his name in your phone to "Jerk - Do not answer". Move on with dignity and let it go. Nobody is worth getting to your self esteem or ruining your hard earned weekends. I'm very sorry that happened to you.
I had a set date at my home on a Saturday night, where I was preparing a nice meal for this guy I had met on a social site, but not yet in person. I really liked him and I spent my Friday night at the grocery store where I really kind of over-bought for our dinner (guess I wanted to make a good impression). I spent all morning and afternoon scrubbing and cleaning my apartment, got new candles, etc. and really had it looking great. I put on my little black dress and cowboy boots and I was ready. As time grew near to 7:00 I realized I hadn't heard from him at all that day. The day before he confirmed the date and answered my question as to what he would like to drink (beer, tea, etc.) and he said tea was fine. So Tea it was. I even splurged on an Italian Cream Cake.
Then 7:20 came around, then 7:45, then 8:00. At that time I texted him to see if he was on his way and I got no reply.
So I knew then he wasn't coming. I called my kids to see if they were up for a really nice meal and they were all busy with prior plans. There I was, all decked out and this fabulous meal with nobody to eat with or even talk to. I was LIVID.
As the story unfolds, he did text me the next day with some lame excuse and I very diplomatically told him that the entire world does not revolve around HIM. That is was NOT ok to ever stand someone up and that I had wasted my entire weekend on a date that never happened. I never replied to him again. Two weeks later I was at a Sports bar and he didn't know who I was. He hit on me all night and I was so sweet and never let on who I was. He fell madly in love with me and begged me to give him another chance. I did not, because I didn't approve of his character. So you will most likely dodge a great big silver bullet here and be glad this happened now instead of later.
You will find someone soon, but I do understand the pain and rejection and remember vividly how that made me feel. Good luck to you!
It may have seemed to him like you weren't that interested.
Unfortunately, in this day and age, it seems that unless the other person responds to our texts almost immediately, the 'lack' of communication indicates a 'lack of interest'.
For instance, you wrote: "He updated me about his brother later that night and we chatted a lot. I went to bed and answered his last messages the next day." Did you tell him that you were going to bed, or did you simply stop texting?
He wanted to line something up for Saturday, you countered with Sunday.
He wanted to call you in 30 minutes, you countered with telling him to text you instead.
Also, suggesting to meet at the bar at 8 p.m., was the time and place your idea or his?
He may have seen you as someone who wants to 'call the shots', and at that point, lost interest.
And lastly, I wouldn't see this as being "stood up". Being stood up means that a place and time was planned, one of you went there at the time and place, and the other one didn't. You never went on the date, so you couldn't have been stood up.
It may have seemed to him like you weren't that interested.
Unfortunately, in this day and age, it seems that unless the other person responds to our texts almost immediately, the 'lack' of communication indicates a 'lack of interest'.
For instance, you wrote: "He updated me about his brother later that night and we chatted a lot. I went to bed and answered his last messages the next day." Did you tell him that you were going to bed, or did you simply stop texting?
He wanted to line something up for Saturday, you countered with Sunday.
He wanted to call you in 30 minutes, you countered with telling him to text you instead.
Also, suggesting to meet at the bar at 8 p.m., was the time and place your idea or his?
He may have seen you as someone who wants to 'call the shots', and at that point, lost interest.
And lastly, I wouldn't see this as being "stood up". Being stood up means that a place and time was planned, one of you went there at the time and place, and the other one didn't. You never went on the date, so you couldn't have been stood up.
I'm wondering what's wrong with countering a request for a Saturday date with a Sunday suggestion. Countering means the person is still interested, and is trying to find a mutually workable time. Plus, the Op was starting to get a little leery of this guy, who had suddenly become unavailable at the last minute for their Friday date, so he offered Sunday instead of Saturday.
The only possible issue I can see is when the OP went to bed without answering the last texts of the day (unless he did tell his "friend" he was going to bed and would get back to him the next day), and then was busy all day until Sunday. But still, his friend said the Sunday date was still on, so seemingly--no harm done. People are genuinely busy; sometimes they can't respond to texts in a timely manner, or get back to people until 24 hrs. later (horrors!) or after the weekend, or whatever.
Was he stood up? Well, their Sunday date had been confirmed twice, yet the OP's dating partner suddenly disappeared. Same as before: they were "on" for their first date, but the parnter suddenly came up with a last-minute family crisis. So it looks like there's a pattern here. No way to tell if the crisis was genuine or not, but there was a 2nd flake-out, which doesn't look good.
So, OP, what are you going to do now? What if he contacts you again? Or have you already written him off and blocked him?
As I read what you wrote it sounds like you were the one who backed out. He wanted to talk, not text but you were too busy. Maybe he had second thoughts or had something personal going on. Maybe his brother passed away. But you will most likely never know because you were too busy to take the call. Then you were the one who made the call to do something else. He wasn't given the opportunity to stand you up as you beat him to the punch.
Spot on, I thought the exact same thing.
The OP did come off as kind of pushy/annoying with the incessant texting though.. So if he was about to get ghosted, that's probably why.
I'm wondering what's wrong with countering a request for a Saturday date with a Sunday suggestion. Countering means the person is still interested, and is trying to find a mutually workable time. Plus, the Op was starting to get a little leery of this guy, who had suddenly become unavailable at the last minute for their Friday date, so he offered Sunday instead of Saturday.
Nothing is wrong with countering in of itself, unless it becomes a pattern. The OP countered at least twice that we know of. While countering can mean that the person is still interested, that person may be interested in doing things his way. Again, not saying the date was thinking this, but I offered it up as a possibility.
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The only possible issue I can see is when the OP went to bed without answering the last texts of the day (unless he did tell his "friend" he was going to bed and would get back to him the next day), and then was busy all day until Sunday. But still, his friend said the Sunday date was still on, so seemingly--no harm done. People are genuinely busy; sometimes they can't respond to texts in a timely manner, or get back to people until 24 hrs. later (horrors!) or after the weekend, or whatever.
Oh, I get that. But you also know how texting is these days. My goodness...if we don't reply to a text within 15 minutes or less, our potential date is already writing us off as "not that INTO" us!
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Was he stood up? Well, their Sunday date had been confirmed twice, yet the OP's dating partner suddenly disappeared. Same as before: they were "on" for their first date, but the parnter suddenly came up with a last-minute family crisis. So it looks like there's a pattern here. No way to tell if the crisis was genuine or not, but there was a 2nd flake-out, which doesn't look good.
So, OP, what are you going to do now? What if he contacts you again? Or have you already written him off and blocked him?
The day of the date was confirmed twice. The time of the date was not.
The OP's date wanted to actually talk the OP on the phone. The OP was rock climbing with friends and wanted a text as to what time the date was available, OR to confirm if 8 p.m. works for the date.
Perhaps the phone would have been the date cancelling again, offering more apologies, and stating that because of his brother's health condition, it's probably 'not a good time' to try to start something "date-wise". A phone call would have been appropriate in that case.
Maybe this whole thing is just a question of bad timing...?
He wanted to line something up for Saturday, you countered with Sunday.
He wanted to call you in 30 minutes, you countered with telling him to text you instead.
Also, suggesting to meet at the bar at 8 p.m., was the time and place your idea or his?
He may have seen you as someone who wants to 'call the shots', and at that point, lost interest.
Or, at this point it just felt like jumping through too many hoops to be able to connect with someone that he met once, and he went, "nevermind."
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