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One thing I've always heard women say is a turnoff in men is how they talk about themselves too much. On a date, you want the person to be interested in getting to know you, not going on and on about himself. As a male, I try to be conscious of this, not letting myself dominate the conversation talking about myself and my own interests. I once dated someone where it backfired. She felt I was being too secretive, avoiding talking about myself and making it too much about her. I didn't think I was, but that's how she saw it. And I never understood how else to get to know her better. After all, isn't that what you do in a conversation? You ask questions of each other and learn more about each other. The problem after that was that I was reluctant to ask her anything about her or what was going on in her life. That's obviously no way to have a relationship with someone, where you're constantly wondering if you can ask a question for fear that she might think you're being too nosy. Has anyone else experienced this and if so, how did you handle it?
One thing I've always heard women say is a turnoff in men is how they talk about themselves too much. On a date, you want the person to be interested in getting to know you, not going on and on about himself. As a male, I try to be conscious of this, not letting myself dominate the conversation talking about myself and my own interests. I once dated someone where it backfired. She felt I was being too secretive, avoiding talking about myself and making it too much about her. I didn't think I was, but that's how she saw it. And I never understood how else to get to know her better. After all, isn't that what you do in a conversation? You ask questions of each other and learn more about each other. The problem after that was that I was reluctant to ask her anything about her or what was going on in her life. That's obviously no way to have a relationship with someone, where you're constantly wondering if you can ask a question for fear that she might think you're being too nosy. Has anyone else experienced this and if so, how did you handle it?
you can spend more time talking about trivial stuff, exchange gossip, crack jokes during the initial dates. More intimate questions about her/his life should wait until more confidence is built and you guys are more comfortable with each other.
A lot of guys tend to be quiet on a first date (incidentally this has driven many women nuts). In the past, I've had to ask and ask for the guy to tell me anything- I wasn't prying but I felt like he might perceive it as such- I just wanted to get to know him. I've since come to believe that conversation should flow easy on the first date- interestingly enough, even with this, I've never had a problem. Don't try so hard on a first date- odds are your date is nervous enough for the both of you. If you are a guy who likes to talk, then talk (keep the conversation light on the first date). If you are a chatty person, I'm sure your potential partner would appreciate knowing that ahead of time. Generally speaking, a good woman wants attention, but also would like to know you- it can't be all about her all the time
One thing I've always heard women say is a turnoff in men is how they talk about themselves too much. On a date, you want the person to be interested in getting to know you, not going on and on about himself. As a male, I try to be conscious of this, not letting myself dominate the conversation talking about myself and my own interests. I once dated someone where it backfired. She felt I was being too secretive, avoiding talking about myself and making it too much about her. I didn't think I was, but that's how she saw it. And I never understood how else to get to know her better. After all, isn't that what you do in a conversation? You ask questions of each other and learn more about each other. The problem after that was that I was reluctant to ask her anything about her or what was going on in her life. That's obviously no way to have a relationship with someone, where you're constantly wondering if you can ask a question for fear that she might think you're being too nosy. Has anyone else experienced this and if so, how did you handle it?
I dated a man who was very secretive about himself. We never spent anytime with any of his friends, neverl...or family members,and I still ponder if he was married. It didn't last long, the fact that he didn't discuss much with me made me very nervous. He refused to meet my family as well? There was something very very strange about his entire MO. Very secretive. And, he did seem more then paranoid at times...just didn't feel right.
Lemme clarify. This wasn't happening on the first or second date. This was later on when we became comfortable with one another. You've moved past the stage where you make small talk and are now genuinely interested in what's going on in each other's lives. For example, if she was going out of town to visit family, I might ask if she was excited about going and if she said no, I might inquire why not. Another example would be when took a class at the local college and I asked what class and if it was a subject I was familiar with, I might further ask about a specific topic they may have covered or I might ask how the teacher was. So nothing too personal. I never once felt like I was putting this person on the spot or grilling them or asking them questions that crossed the line. But when you have a conversation, you do tend to ask follow up questions if it's something worth discussing. But she tended to get irritated with me, as if I could only ask yes-or-no questions and then move onto another topic. I don't know what happened there to tell you the truth. I'm just wondering if anyone ever had this kind of reaction from someone. You've known this person for a while and yet they seemed to get defensive if you expressed interest in their life. I reached the point where I just stopped asking stuff.
Lemme clarify. This wasn't happening on the first or second date. This was later on when we became comfortable with one another. You've moved past the stage where you make small talk and are now genuinely interested in what's going on in each other's lives. For example, if she was going out of town to visit family, I might ask if she was excited about going and if she said no, I might inquire why not. Another example would be when took a class at the local college and I asked what class and if it was a subject I was familiar with, I might further ask about a specific topic they may have covered or I might ask how the teacher was. So nothing too personal. I never once felt like I was putting this person on the spot or grilling them or asking them questions that crossed the line. But when you have a conversation, you do tend to ask follow up questions if it's something worth discussing. But she tended to get irritated with me, as if I could only ask yes-or-no questions and then move onto another topic. I don't know what happened there to tell you the truth. I'm just wondering if anyone ever had this kind of reaction from someone. You've known this person for a while and yet they seemed to get defensive if you expressed interest in their life. I reached the point where I just stopped asking stuff.
yes, the guy I dated, which signals to me, there is something they're hiding.
Sometimes it's a fine line between trying to show interest in another person and being too obtrusive too early and the outcome heavily depends on this person’s individual situation and views. Not cut-and-dry advice can be given… you just have to feel what kind of vibe you’re getting regarding this.
Sometimes it's a fine line between trying to show interest in another person and being too obtrusive too early and the outcome heavily depends on this person’s individual situation and views. Not cut-and-dry advice can be given… you just have to feel what kind of vibe you’re getting regarding this.
It was a joke. I was pretending to be paranoid when I typed it. Badda-bing.
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