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I'm new guy here and find this forum very usefull and informative.
Anyway i've recently ended a one year relation with my gf because i have many girl friends she told me.
She dont liked any very much and when we wore togheter with any. She was always silent and not participative on the conversations with a bored expression.
In general my females friend liked her after a few meetings or from my comments of what a great person she was and tried to make her feel confortable by making conversation with her without much success i must say.
One of my close female friends in particular the C doesn't liked her and it was mutual. That friend and other friends of mine boy and girls have a social live (out for a coffe, sharing personal experiences, giving support when needed) that my ex could't/don't participate often because of her schedule having to wake up early (we still live with parents) but i always telled her of everything i did when she wasn't present and talked about them.
We have four major fights always about me passing time with my friends when she could not go (almost always).
And in the last fight she make me understand in a correct way that i should choose her or that friend she dont like. I told her that it is difficult to do that in an instant but will be less available for C. By being unavailable with C i stoped going out with them and sharing histories with ex about friends because there wore none but i kept receiving invitations from C that i regected and dont even passed my mind telling ex about it.
Anyway we went out on holidays this summer with other group of friends of mine, couples, boys and girls, me and my ex and during the season that C friend called one time and text some and i answered next to ex but never talked to her about it, C asked where i was if all is fine i say yes and nothing more to say, guy friends do the same and there is nothing significative to say to ex about it.
Anyway one day before coming back from holidays my ex said she is going back that her brother was passing by and pick her up. I was totaly not expecting that, evething was fine with me and her apparently and in my friens eyes, i tought her brother was coming to visit us but she said she was going with him.
Asked why and she told me she was feeling the more there (felling like drawing something, dont know the expression in english).
I asked felling the more because of who? She said it was because of me she felt that.
This make me feel bad because i was with my friends and even tough i gave her all the attention we wore always together and i interacted less with my friends if i wore alone as it is normal anyway.
I'd dont understand at that time what she was talking about. Could not think of nothing more to say that if one of us was feeling unconfortable then one of us should leave expecting that she told me the real reason.
But no, she went away with her brother. I felt abandoned and went next day as planed.
She didn't said anything when she came home, i called next day when i come asking what was going on.
She then told me that i was lying to her about C that i talked to her and din't telled her about it. I justify myself saing there was nothing to say.
We then had more planned holidays with my parents she didn't want to go and made herself unavailable, and saing that she needed time for herself, i went.
This made me angry and sad and didn't called her for one week, she didn't called also. Our common friends said that talked to her said she was sad also and stoped eating, etc.
Passed that week i talked to her asking how she was, she then started to telling me that had problems with my work (i'm an entrepenour) my friends, the fact that we still dont live toghether (i cant afford an house right now), the dating, everything was wrong. She stoped telling me about her life during that days but i suspect that she's seeing some one. Asked her about it and she shut up. She said i should continue my life.
I insisted the most to be with her, trying to understand everything but never got a direct reason why she wanted to end the relationship. The only reason i got is because i must had an affair with C that i continue to see when i met with that group of friends (C is only a friend and i could never have a relationship with her, and i'm not the type of guy to have sex with friends) later i suspect that her best girlfriend (i never liked her) made her head about this.
We ended up broking up because of this.
I got very bad, she was bad also but she dont wanted to see me, stoped anwsering my calls, i went to her house one day to see if she was ok, she wasnt home and even said she would put police on me if i do that again.
I only meet her for 1 year and don't know her background for this reactions.
But it made me feel like she was crazy and i felt good for not having to continue a relationship with someone that acted so cold like this.
I stoped trying to contact her, restarted getting back in contact with other old friends, folowed my live.
Has passed 2 months now and we never talked again and even met someone else that was aware off all of this because of my friends and we starded to date.
Me and ex have common friends that i talk to, they say she was not fine for a few weeks but she dont talk to them about me, always change topic on that.
I still think about her and dont want to see her soon because i dont know how i will react and dont want to mess with my new dating friend.
So i've shared this to you to comment, still have a great interrogation point in my head, what went wrong?
What was going here? Any thoughts and ideas?
Your ex has trust issues. Maybe boys have lied to her before. Maybe she felt that C had interest in you and that's why she never liked her. Girls can often read signs that guys can't. When we don't like someone, we want our closest partner to be on our side and if he's not, well then, he must be on the other side. That's our logic. I'm not saying that its right, I'm just trying to help you understand how we think.
In the end, you made a choice. You chose your friendship with C over your relationship with your girlfriend. Whether that decision was wrong or right is up to you.
Personally, I don't believe that guys and girls can ever be true friends without there being some sort of physical attraction (unless one of them is gay). It will always be somthing in the back of your mind. Casual friends... I can see that, but not the kind to sacrafice a good relationship for.
MommyV i dont take that gay explanation, i know my sexual orientation and from that logic if you have many guy friends you must be lesbian.
C is a hottie, i like her physical but never advance to her because i got to meet her first and dont identify with her as relationship material, she divorced because of a jack ass and got dumped after. Now gets sex buddies that fall for her and then she dump them after a while, not very inteligent and a bit gold digger. I'm not into that and besides loved my ex.
C has game i understand her moves but its just a game i play along up to an extend that does not involves kiss or sex, i'm very logical on that.
We are friends and i support her when she needs and got her support after breaking up and nothing more.
I could have had sex with C if i want to but it would be just physical and i dont need nor seek that.
I can get women easy and prefer to invest in a quality one for a future fullfiling relatioship or then remain friends. Because of that i have many girl friends.
I'm just not that demanding with friends like C and tolerate their faults that wont tolerate on a possible gf. She knows and understands this.
I forgot to mention that she attended dance classes that i dont go very often and she invited her class guys friends group to be with us on a coffe some times, that was kind of uncorfortable to me the first times but i understood that they wore just friends and never bothered her about it. I see this as mutual i have female friends, she can have too. No problem for me.
Anyway i had made clear to ex that i had choosed her and reduced contact with C but it was impossible to completely and imediatly break contact because of common friends.
Ex could not deal with that and prefer to end. She tolded she still loved me but acted to end the relationship. She told me that i should be like a couple we know that the guy is like her puppy and totaly lost his personality.
Even told me that i should not worry about her anymore, she will be fine alone with an altruistic actitude.
Is this normal in woman? What's wrong with you girls?
The reason girls don't like other girls is because of competition. I am married and my husband finds it somewhat amusing that I am not a jealous person. I don't compete with other women nor do I care if another woman finds my husband attractive. I think a lot of this stuff boils down to self-esteem and if you are confident in yourself then others are not seen as a threat. In my current marriage there has only been one woman who my husband introduced me to that I did not like because I had a feeling about her. She was engaged at the time to a great guy but she just seemed like she was always looking for the next best thing. Sure enough within a few months after meeting her and refusing to hang out with her, she left her fiance for a married man and they are now together but she was hunting for the next best thing!
Anyway, it boils down to competition.
The sad thing is, if a girl (or guy, for that matter) has trust issues, it's usually for a reason. A lot of people out there are cheaters. And there's a saying that is often true, "Once burned, twice shy." It's easy to blame the person who's been hurt because they're now damaged and displaying damaged behavior - also called "acting out" - but I think it's sad. It's logical - if a person once trusted and then was cheated on, that person will then probably face an inner crisis of questioning her/his own judgement and also have trouble trusting again, not just when it comes to trusting new people/new relationships but also when it comes to trusting themselves, to have the judgement to pick someone loyal and trustworthy.
If you've been deceived and betrayed by someone you really trusted and opened yourself up to it's hard to just trust again. Human beings are vulnerable creatures. I wish people could be kinder to one another. Some of the "ugly" human flaws like jealousy, being controlling, being needy or insecure, etc. come from pain and past experience. People who display those behaviors are shaped to be that way, because of their past experiences...but...when that type of person finds someone who is patient, understanding, and loving but also firm about helping the damaged person learn to stop acting out, then great things can happen.
MommyV i dont take that gay explanation, i know my sexual orientation and from that logic if you have many guy friends you must be lesbian.
C is a hottie, i like her physical but never advance to her because i got to meet her first and dont identify with her as relationship material, she divorced because of a jack ass and got dumped after. Now gets sex buddies that fall for her and then she dump them after a while, not very inteligent and a bit gold digger. I'm not into that and besides loved my ex.
C has game i understand her moves but its just a game i play along up to an extend that does not involves kiss or sex, i'm very logical on that.
We are friends and i support her when she needs and got her support after breaking up and nothing more.
I could have had sex with C if i want to but it would be just physical and i dont need nor seek that.
I can get women easy and prefer to invest in a quality one for a future fullfiling relatioship or then remain friends. Because of that i have many girl friends.
I'm just not that demanding with friends like C and tolerate their faults that wont tolerate on a possible gf. She knows and understands this.
I forgot to mention that she attended dance classes that i dont go very often and she invited her class guys friends group to be with us on a coffe some times, that was kind of uncorfortable to me the first times but i understood that they wore just friends and never bothered her about it. I see this as mutual i have female friends, she can have too. No problem for me.
Anyway i had made clear to ex that i had choosed her and reduced contact with C but it was impossible to completely and imediatly break contact because of common friends.
Ex could not deal with that and prefer to end. She tolded she still loved me but acted to end the relationship. She told me that i should be like a couple we know that the guy is like her puppy and totaly lost his personality.
Even told me that i should not worry about her anymore, she will be fine alone with an altruistic actitude.
Is this normal in woman? What's wrong with you girls?
It sounds like you're doing what you think is the most you can to prove to your girlfriend that you are not interested in C, but maybe because as you said "C is a hottie" and "i play along up to an extend", you girlfriend thinks you are not doing enough. I don't know if this is true, but it sounds like C flirts with you in front of your girlfriend and you don't want to be mean to C, so you just don't say anything. That is wrong. You should be telling C to stop out of respect for your girlfriend and you should be saying this in front of your girlfriend.
I don't think your girlfriend wanted you to be her 'puppy', but in a relationship, there are a lot of things that we give up so that we can gain so much more.
The question is, what are you willing to give up for her? If you don't want to give up anything, that is OK? There are a lot of girls out there. You sound like a very sensitive, loving young man. You will definitely find someone else if she's not the one. BTW... girls are all different, you just have to find the one that fits.
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