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I helped a friend write a personal ad recently. In the ad, she was adamant about not wanting a physical relationship, just someone to talk to and she didn't include a photo. By the way, she's over 50 and said so. It was a nice, polite ad and I hoped she'd get a couple of responses. She did. In fact, she called me three hours later to tell me she'd gotten 23 responses! By this morning, the number was approaching 60 and she removed the ad. She let me read the responses (as many as I could get through without moving in) and these all seem like nice, intelligent men with the best intentions.
Meanwhile, a guy I work with has been placing ad after ad (all of them pretty well-written, I think) and he's gotten very few responses.
Is this a pretty typical pattern? Any thoughts on why so many men respond?
from my exp. with personal ads, they are probably just saying things she'd like to hear, then they hope to get some a** from her anyway.
I tried the "not wanting physical", "want someone to do things with" route and that doesn't seem to work. the guys still wanted just one thing in the end.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anneee
I helped a friend write a personal ad recently. In the ad, she was adamant about not wanting a physical relationship, just someone to talk to and she didn't include a photo. By the way, she's over 50 and said so. It was a nice, polite ad and I hoped she'd get a couple of responses. She did. In fact, she called me three hours later to tell me she'd gotten 23 responses! By this morning, the number was approaching 60 and she removed the ad. She let me read the responses (as many as I could get through without moving in) and these all seem like nice, intelligent men with the best intentions.
Meanwhile, a guy I work with has been placing ad after ad (all of them pretty well-written, I think) and he's gotten very few responses.
Is this a pretty typical pattern? Any thoughts on why so many men respond?
Because men use the shotgun approach, without even reading the content of the woman's personals ad. They have a set intro story that they send (the same one) to each and every ad they come across - then if they get a response, they ask for a picture of you. They figure, if they send a reply to 50 ads, there is bound to be at lest two-three who respond. If you really read their intros, you'll see that they don't really respond to any of the material that was placed in your ad, and more often than not, they are precluded from the woman's criteria that was in the ad to begin with. I can't tell you how many times I've had "grandpa" send me a big story, and when I politely responded that I was too young for him, he chewed me a new one. (And in case any guys are wondering why women don't send a response when they aren't interested, that is why - each time I have tried to politely decline an advance, the guy turned very "ugly" towards me.)
Women actually read the men's personals, and are actually looking for something specific, not just "action". When they see something that seems to fit, then they respond. Much more discriminating in sending "feelers".
Now, not to say all men posting personals are in this category. Unfortunately, based on my 6 years of experience with online dating/personals sites, they are the majority.
With only laying out fact, the amount of men in the population outnumber the amount of women. Everything else is speculation.
There are more women than men in our population unless you are referring to the "population" in this subject matter - :-)
But more to the question - the range of men that respond covers the spectrum in the "why" - after you remove the ones who want the kinky experience, then come the exploiters (they figure you might have money and can pay their way or they need a place to live), then out of the 60 or so you might find a few who really just want the pleasure of your company, good conversation, share a meal and a perfectly platonic relationship - the others not so much. Another reason why men will respond is called opportunity. Be careful, very careful.
yeah, my exp. with it haven't been great either. these guys use a typical into, like you said, that they are into the outdoors, movies, etc. then when you contact them, or they contact you, you find out that they in fact do NOTHING they mentioned on their profile. It seems they are just looking to score. I wish I had a dime for all the times the guy tried to turn a conversation into something sexual, or try to learn sexual things about me.
this "grandpa" guy obviosly sounded like a creep anyway and you wouldn't have wanted to get to know him anyway! to yell at a total stranger because of age difference? I mean, you probably posted what age range you were looking for right?
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontH8Me
Because men use the shotgun approach, without even reading the content of the woman's personals ad. They have a set intro story that they send (the same one) to each and every ad they come across - then if they get a response, they ask for a picture of you. They figure, if they send a reply to 50 ads, there is bound to be at lest two-three who respond. If you really read their intros, you'll see that they don't really respond to any of the material that was placed in your ad, and more often than not, they are precluded from the woman's criteria that was in the ad to begin with. I can't tell you how many times I've had "grandpa" send me a big story, and when I politely responded that I was too young for him, he chewed me a new one. (And in case any guys are wondering why women don't send a response when they aren't interested, that is why - each time I have tried to politely decline an advance, the guy turned very "ugly" towards me.)
Women actually read the men's personals, and are actually looking for something specific, not just "action". When they see something that seems to fit, then they respond. Much more discriminating in sending "feelers".
Now, not to say all men posting personals are in this category. Unfortunately, based on my 6 years of experience with online dating/personals sites, they are the majority.
Because men use the shotgun approach, without even reading the content of the woman's personals ad. They have a set intro story that they send (the same one) to each and every ad they come across - then if they get a response, they ask for a picture of you. They figure, if they send a reply to 50 ads, there is bound to be at lest two-three who respond. If you really read their intros, you'll see that they don't really respond to any of the material that was placed in your ad, and more often than not, they are precluded from the woman's criteria that was in the ad to begin with. I can't tell you how many times I've had "grandpa" send me a big story, and when I politely responded that I was too young for him, he chewed me a new one. (And in case any guys are wondering why women don't send a response when they aren't interested, that is why - each time I have tried to politely decline an advance, the guy turned very "ugly" towards me.)
Women actually read the men's personals, and are actually looking for something specific, not just "action". When they see something that seems to fit, then they respond. Much more discriminating in sending "feelers".
Now, not to say all men posting personals are in this category. Unfortunately, based on my 6 years of experience with online dating/personals sites, they are the majority.
I sympathize over the ugliness toward you, not cool. But you say "Women actually read the men's personals, and are actually looking for something specific." This is hogwash. When I've started on new sites, if I check the box that says I'm open to women with kids, I'll immediately get dozens of solicitations from women. They are simply targeting by age, Yes to Kids, and perhaps looks. Hardly enough for a proper fit.
I could go on and on. I'm a pretty progressive guy with some unusual values and beliefs, yet I'll get dozens of responses from very basic, conservative gals who should know that they are not even close to a fit. Online dating? It's like everyone is a pauper looking for their prince/princess.
I sympathize over the ugliness toward you, not cool. But you say "Women actually read the men's personals, and are actually looking for something specific." This is hogwash. When I've started on new sites, if I check the box that says I'm open to women with kids, I'll immediately get dozens of solicitations from women. They are simply targeting by age, Yes to Kids, and perhaps looks. Hardly enough for a proper fit.
I could go on and on. I'm a pretty progressive guy with some unusual values and beliefs, yet I'll get dozens of responses from very basic, conservative gals who should know that they are not even close to a fit. Online dating? It's like everyone is a pauper looking for their prince/princess.
I was pretty heavily into on-line dating for a while and spoke with MANY women that had been doing the on-line dating thing extensively.
Men are *much* worse at not reading the profile...I'm talking about fundamental stuff like guys that are married, smoke, don't want kids or are 60 contacting gals that have expressly ruled out these kinds of things.
Basically, if you are a decent looking woman your problem will be more filtering out the scummy guys, old guys, married guys etc. My current gf had guys 23-65yo contacting her (she is 42) and pretty much EVERY gal I dated mentioned having a married guy contact them where I only had 1 married gal contact me ever.
Because men use the shotgun approach, without even reading the content of the woman's personals ad. They have a set intro story that they send (the same one) to each and every ad they come across - then if they get a response, they ask for a picture of you. They figure, if they send a reply to 50 ads, there is bound to be at lest two-three who respond. If you really read their intros, you'll see that they don't really respond to any of the material that was placed in your ad, and more often than not, they are precluded from the woman's criteria that was in the ad to begin with. I can't tell you how many times I've had "grandpa" send me a big story, and when I politely responded that I was too young for him, he chewed me a new one. (And in case any guys are wondering why women don't send a response when they aren't interested, that is why - each time I have tried to politely decline an advance, the guy turned very "ugly" towards me.)
Women actually read the men's personals, and are actually looking for something specific, not just "action". When they see something that seems to fit, then they respond. Much more discriminating in sending "feelers".
Now, not to say all men posting personals are in this category. Unfortunately, based on my 6 years of experience with online dating/personals sites, they are the majority.
I have heard this EXACT same story for a number of women. I think I did pretty well with on-line dating because I actually did read the profiles and every woman I contacted got a personalized note. I probably only got a note back from perhaps 10% of the women I contacted...but I was contacting gals that got LOTS of contacts so that was a pretty good hit ratio.
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Sorry - you have it backwards :-)
