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That's just common sense. Why have some bizarre and complicated life when you can have a simple straight forward one? The whole divorce thing is out of line. You don't get divorced because "He yelled at me...or she cheated on me and I am so hurt and angry that I am willing to walk out the door and leave my kids behind......No. Those who got married and have kids who are divorced HAD THEIR CHANCE...you get one kick at the can...if you miss that is your problem. Why should some poor single guy who has never been married or had kids have to fix your life?
There are so many more factors to a person other than are they divorced and do they have kids. The world is not black and white and just because you may "look good on paper" doesn't mean that translates into the real world. I am a single mom and do not want for dates with great guys. Some of these great guys also are divorced and have kids. If you want to find real love, you will look at the person.
Several women have posted on this thread that their career-success and child-free status has reduced their dating-chances, instead of improving them. It’s as if having more to offer instead connotes actually having less! Women with serial divorces, children, and dead-end jobs apparently have less trouble attracting men, than women with established lives and minimal “baggage”.
I have no statistical data, but intuitively I agree with the above, and find very much identical outcome from the man’s viewpoint. That is, guys who are established financially and in their careers, have no offspring and are either never-married or have had a “clean” divorce without lingering maladies, are at an apparent dating disadvantage. Maybe we’re too focused on our careers and don’t sufficiently socialize. Maybe everyone in our social circle is married-with-children and there isn’t a pool of candidates for dating.
Now a note about divorce. This is directly pertinent to Oleg Bach’s comments (with which in large measure I personally agree), but is intended in general. Today’s society is all about “fulfillment” in marriage. If children are involved, then maybe the partners will endure, to raise the children. But in a childless marriage, the modern sentiment is that if it’s no longer fun, it shouldn’t continue. A marriage is treated almost like a casual hookup. Divorce is initiated not for infidelity, battery, cruelty or depravity, but out of sheer boredom, or a belief that a “better” option is available. The result is that we shouldn’t judge divorced people too harshly, especially if they were not the initiators of the divorce. I live and work in a conservative milieu where divorce is comparatively uncommon. But when it does happen, typically it’s initiated by the wife, after many years of marriage, leaving the husband not because of some surreptitious love tryst but over abstract feelings that the marriage has run its course and now a change is merited.
Taking the liberty of “hijacking” this thread to make a sweeping remark about modern dating… we’ve seen myriad complaints about women or men being too shallow, having too high or narrow standards, being reluctant to approach, feeling disaffected by conflicting signals, and on and on. The overarching theme here isn’t that we’re all asking too much, but that modern society does not accord sufficient options for men and women to meet. This is especially true for child-free adults who are no longer college-age and whose careers leave little time for casual mingling. Online dating was an initially promising alternative, but has become widely discredited. We need better ways for men and women to meet, to talk, to assess one another. If dating is a “numbers game”, we need systematically more effective ways to raise the numbers.
So true! Had to rep ya for that one. I read some of these threads and think "Man, some people have dealt with some serious drama!!" I've never seen it with any of my remarried friends, kids, no kids, doesn't matter. Everything went smoothly. But when I see a man say "I don't want to deal with another man's kids, or drama with a woman's ex", you know what? That's called BAGGAGE, guys. You have it, too. Face it. Get over it.
Everybody has "baggage". Just try to contain it to carry-on size, and make sure it fits in the overhead bin, and you should be good to go.
Lol, that's not baggage that's just a pref. I do agree though everyone has baggage unless your like 18 or something, some baggage is just more pronounced, harder to get over than others.
Being a 31 year old male I would prefer a single/never married/no kids, with that said I would not say no to a woman with one kid though (no more than one). I imagine my pref. will always be the same even if I'm still single and closing in on 40, but I would be realistic in that the chances of that happening when I'm older would be a lot lower (since I won't be able to date women who are in their 20's the older and older I get which has the highest % of women with no kids/never married/etc..)
I am in my early forties, never married with no kids myself. Personally, I would choose never married with no kids, hands down. I also prefer a women who can support herself and is successful in her career since I would want someone at equal levels. This means I would be able to support myself and not expect her to support me. Although I like kids, I prefer no kids because the kid or kids will ALWAYS come first to her, ALWAYS and I don't want to be responsible for other man's kid(s).
So, never married, no kids is first choice and divorced (would have to evaluate the situation) with no kids would be second. With kids, more then likely a deal breaker for me.
No man in his right mind wants a woman who lost at marriage. No man with any common sense wants or needs something second hand when he can have new. No man with any common sense wants a woman with children...They want their own children - not the offspring of another man. I don't know why someone would even ask such a question with such an obvious answer? If you get married and have kids..You do your duty and stick it out for at least 20 years....unless you are horribly abused by your spouse...There is no excuse for divorce.
I would agree on the women's side too. I don't see why any woman who is childless would want to become involved with a man with kids. She will never come first and yet will be expected to be involved with the kid. She may see her paycheck go to support another man's family while she gets crumbs. Same thing with divorce, while some are justified many others are not and no I don't want a man who failed at marriage either.
My first choice is never married/no kids. If I had to choose it would either be widowed or divorced with no kids (depending on the views). After that comes divorced with kids and never married with kids and neither of these cases are ones I would be involved with unless the guy adopted as a single dad and there is no mom.
It depends, has the never married woman dated before. I would prefer that she has dated before. Has she been sleeping around a lot. Has she been focusing on career, or does she hate men and realize that she want children.
There is a lot of factors to consider, so the question is impossible to answer. One thing is certain, I do prefer childless.
Me personally I prefer never married woman and no kids because I want a woman that mirrors me in that aspect. Over the years being single and dating, haveing some women here and their I had to take a look at reality and see things at face value. Over the years I have seen women with multiple kids, divorced, dead end jobs go in and out of relationships as well as men broke, excon, multiple kids with no shortage of relationships. What I realized is this that women are going to ask me of I havr ever been in an meaningful committed relationship, obviously im going to say no, but for women their going to see my lack of commitment as baggage which in their eyes is worse than a divorce or even worse than being a single parent. I do attract women with kids as of lately but I would only prefer to date a woman with one kid, only two if both kids are from the same father, remember its only date. As for dating divorced women, for me its a no, she will probably bring insecurity issues and irresponsibility of holding an oath together. I spoke with a woman who is divorced, 29 year old Latina and she belives all men cheat. I told her thats what happens when people marry young these days who dont know what they want.
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