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Location: Fort Bend County, TX/USA/Mississauga, ON/Canada
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Especially in terms of finances? I know that some so-called "modern" guys don't care how much $$ a woman makes but I took a Sociology class that spoke of the differences in relationships & how income plays a part & how a lot of men actually preferred being the breadwinner over their wives?
Ladies, what about this: Imagine you are a licensed M.D.? Does it matter how much income your husband makes? Would you only consider him if he made equal to your income or higher?
Men, how would you feel dating a woman who is a teacher w/ a teacher's salary versus a high-powered attorney who makes more than you (imagine)..are some guys intimidated by a woman who is financially secure (I make more than you) or independent relationship-wise (translation: 'I don't need a man')
Bottom line, do you believe most males still hold a traditional view of wanting their woman to "need" them financially? Does it turn them off if a woman makes more $$ than them or if she doesn't?
I don't believe that "most" males do. I do, though. I would strongly prefer to be the only one bringing income into the relationship, I'll let her manage it however she pleases, as long as all the bills are getting paid.
I also don't think there are many women that would enter a relationship with a man who makes less money then they are--because they are unwilling to financially support a man, or even risk having to. (Hey, if he makes his own income, then you don't HAVE to support him...just don't expect him to wear Savile Row suits and Marks and Spencer shirts! Or take you out to Sardi's, instead of McDonald's!)
I think (to me, anyway) it's part money and part attitude. I mean, I don't care if my significant other made more money than me as long as it's never thrown in my face, as if, because I'm a man, I'm supposed to meet some socially approved standard as to how much I'm meant to make vs her.
Outside of financially, no, I don't want to be needed. That kind of dependence is enough to drive me away. Be with me because you like/respect me as a person, not because you feel as if your well being depends on my existence.
I had the opposite experience when I was in my late twenties and my BF decided he wanted to be with someone else who was in med school. He definitely saw the dollar signs as well as the prestige being with a doctor would bring him and that was that. I'm not saying that was the only reason, but it did play a large part. He was also a little bit of an underachiever, so I think he wanted to attach himself to someone who was achieving big things. So for some guys, who don't want to work too hard, they may look at a woman who makes a large salary as someone who's going to make their own life a little easier.
I don't wouldn't want my partner to depend on me but I do want to feel wanted. I would not mind a spouse who makes more than I but the very few times I have dated, I have always been the higher income individual. Women who make more than I do are kind of a turn on and challenge. Knowing that they are not attaching themselves to you as a means of financial support means that the man has to work harder in other areas pleasing his spouse.
For me, to have to support a grown man is a slap in the face. Not a good thing for a relationship. But then again, I am a passionate woman with too many weaknesses. So I might have to do it someday. But it would not come at a cheap price for him. I would probably cheat on him. And I'm not the cheating type either. But that would be a very low point.
Now on the other hand, in a healthy relationship, I always expect that the man give me all or at least half of his paycheck so I can manage it. Depending on how much he makes. This is my requirement regardless of weather or not I am employed or not. When I was younger, I never thought much about money and was preety naive, but as I got older I learned that men are supposed to show they care by working and not depending on a woman and not being broke all the time. I am not saying I need a rich man, but one that works hard is enough.
I've already made it clear in several discussions that I won't date a man if he's not financially secure. So, if I were an MD, he'd have to make as much or more. I'd also be fine with being the little lady at home with him as the sole bread winner. Some women think it's degrading; I thrive on it.
For me I would want a partner in life, someone who cares about me as much as I care about them. Communication, empathy, warmth, unselfishness and morals are the golden keys for me. What does it matter who brings home the bacon as long as its brough home. What good is it if I marry a woman who makes a load of cash if she isnt a good mom, caring parents and my soulmate, and what good would I be to her if I were the same way.
If you want to look at how happy money makes people, just feat your eyes on the rich people and hollywood types. Why do you think they have the best divorce lawyers? Thats right, because they are anticipating a divorce happening. What does that tell you about how money correlates to them being marriage material.
But anyways, if im in a marriage, I should be going full blast in trying to provide for my family. If im not focused on them solely then what the heck would I be doing being married in the first place.
Bottom line, do you believe most males still hold a traditional view of wanting their woman to "need" them financially? Does it turn them off if a woman makes more $$ than them or if she doesn't?
I dont think this can be called a "Traditional View" - men wanting their women to "need" them. I dont know any man who wants his woman to "NEED" him financially. This is a big turnoff.
I think in the Black community, this is more common where the men want their woman to need them like this. Thats probably where you got the idea for this thread. I think it gives the man a sense of power (i.e., control) over the woman and makes him feel "manly" or powerful. I also believe that its unhealthy for for any woman to "NEED" (i.e., be dependent upon) a man in a relationship.
I would much prefer my woman to "want me" rather than "need me".
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