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I have posted on here before about the my ex husband and I. Since our divorce 5 years ago, we really have done a good job getting along, settling differences, and most of the time we can honestly call each other friends.
However, it is getting harder and harder lately! We agreed in our divorce papers that he would pay reasonable child support and half of non covered medical dental. I carry the kids on my insurance. He has always paid his child support- but it is next to impossible to get him to pay any medical bills regardless of the amount. For years I would give up after about the 3rd time of presenting/ mentioning the statement. I chalked it up to the fact that he had a low paying job & let it go.
Now he is making twice as much money. Not once have I asked for more child support but he still stalls or does not pay the medical bills. I put much needed braces on my son (that kids teeth were jacked!). When I called my ex about this he simply said "If you do it, you pay, I simply cannot pay it." He did pay one payment and then 2 days later called and asked for his $ back. I gave it back rather than to fight about it. In the end I will have spent 5k, but at least my son can smile with confidence.
My question is - should I be thankful for what he does pay and leave it at that? In the past I my friendship (read letting him keep his $) with him has allowed me flexibility with the kids-as in it may be his visitation weekend but if the kids had plans he would trade me to allow them to go. Or should I consider re-evaluating his child support amount based on the fact that he is not contributing to medical/dental like we agreed to - even if it means sticking to a rigid visitation schedule? What would you do??
Doesn't child support increase proportionally to the parent's income?
Yes, but once again I have always told myself "at least he pays something, some women don't get a dime" not to mention I don't want court costs, but the things I let slide in the name of "being a nice non- physco ex" are REALLY adding up.
I have posted on here before about the my ex husband and I. Since our divorce 5 years ago, we really have done a good job getting along, settling differences, and most of the time we can honestly call each other friends.
Why bother even being friends? Forget it.
All he is obligated to do is pay his court mandated child support. As far as medical bills, unless they are court ordered, he is not liable.
If the things you let slide are adding up then contact an attorney and discuss it. 100% of the contact you make with him is on a legal basis. He only has to do what the courts tell him and nothing more. If you want to sit on the sidelines and twiddle your thumbs then that is your choice.
As far as court costs, well, yea the divorce/child relations industry is a multi-billion dollar empire. Marriage/divorce/children these days are EXPENSIVE. Not much we do about it other than avoid getting married or having kids.
My question is - should I be thankful for what he does pay and leave it at that? In the past I my friendship (read letting him keep his $) with him has allowed me flexibility with the kids-as in it may be his visitation weekend but if the kids had plans he would trade me to allow them to go. Or should I consider re-evaluating his child support amount based on the fact that he is not contributing to medical/dental like we agreed to - even if it means sticking to a rigid visitation schedule? What would you do??
The answer is simple. Which is more important, the money that he owes you or the flexible visitation? If I were you, I would add up exactly how much he owes you in $. Then I would ask myself if $x was worth flexible vacation time. If owes you only a couple thousand, then I would say forget about asking him for the money. But if it were $10,000>, then you're def not getting the best deal.
There comes a point where you need to decide what the $$s are worth in terms of grief and annoyance. If he is having a positive influence on the kids, pays support regularly and keeps his word about childrens activities this may be worth some $$s. Yes, braces are expensive but are deductable and other items will come up as the kids get older. Only you can decide at what point the dollars mean more than the intangibles. Good luck it is always a tightrope walk.
Yes, but once again I have always told myself "at least he pays something, some women don't get a dime" not to mention I don't want court costs, but the things I let slide in the name of "being a nice non- physco ex" are REALLY adding up.
Don't be grateful for what he is supposed to be doing. Don't let the deadbeats set the standard of what you accept for your child. No one is patting you on the back for feeding and clothing your child. He doesn't get any praise when he is backing out of is obligation. He is taking advantage of your kindness.
I'd send him a certified letter reminding him of his obligation along with a list of bills he has not paid. If he does not comply, take him to court. I'd also ask for an increase in child support as he is supposed to provide according to his income. You don't forego your child's needs to keep the peace with your ex. If he can't understand this, screw him. He's not the kind of person you want to be friends with anyway. You can ask the court to have him reimburse you for court costs and attorney's fees.
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