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There's this guy in his mid 30s who believes he's 'the type better on his own', who never wants to do 'anything of what society says needs to be done' and whose image of happiness is about being on his own, at 40, 50, 60 years of age, enjoying a glass of good wine and a good meal in a nice location on the coast of a lovely sea.
Somehow this image, although lovely from a cinematographic point of view, appears somewhat sad and incomplete to me.
I don't know if he truly truly always felt that way or it was deception caused by women (he was abandoned by mother and cheated on by girlfriends) that led to this 'settlement' in his mind.
But if the major cause is not the above evidence then that leads to the conclusion that such people exist - people who do not need other people. (But then, why does he go on dates ?)
Is not wanting anyone to grow old with better in the sense that it proves you're balanced enough on your own, or is it an act of selfishness or emotional immaturity?
It's reactionary rationalization, much like the responses from some women saying any guy that doesn't have them is selfish, etc...
It's a defense mechanism.
Much like a woman that can't have children or is coming up on not being able to in short order saying she never wants kids. You might need to reinforce it even if it isn't true to keep from going mad sometimes.
The last I could take at face value. His, not so much. Anyone that thinks they're better off alone 9 out of 10 times is trying to rationalize it. Human beings are not meant to be this way.
I'd speak with him about it, but try to let him keep partially re-enforcing it in his own head, probably better for his short-term mental health IMO...
And with the pressure you get after 30 from it of being seen as a "failure" as a man for not getting one, along with usually being more "detached" from others to start since at puberty you're told to recoil from affection, the average single guy after 30 that stays that way their depression rate skyrockets, as does the suicide rate. I think it's 1 in 3 for single males, as to 1 in 12 or so for females.
Last edited by Waynec613; 06-08-2009 at 05:18 PM..
There's this guy in his mid 30s who believes he's 'the type better on his own', who never wants to do 'anything of what society says needs to be done' and whose image of happiness is about being on his own, at 40, 50, 60 years of age, enjoying a glass of good wine and a good meal in a nice location on the coast of a lovely sea.
Somehow this image, although lovely from a cinematographic point of view, appears somewhat sad and incomplete to me.
I don't know if he truly truly always felt that way or it was deception caused by women (he was abandoned by mother and cheated on by girlfriends) that led to this 'settlement' in his mind.
But if the major cause is not the above evidence then that leads to the conclusion that such people exist - people who do not need other people. (But then, why does he go on dates ?)
Is not wanting anyone to grow old with better in the sense that it proves you're balanced enough on your own, or is it an act of selfishness or emotional immaturity?
I know a few people like that. They are quite happy and content with their lives and want to live that way forever. The great Tom Leykis is a name that comes to mind when I think of guys like this. Often times its women who try to say bad things about guys like this or try to armchair psycho therapist them to try to determine if something is "wrong" with them. "Did you grow up in a happy household?", "Did you have bad relationships?", "Did someone break your heart?", etc. Women also say that guys like this are unhappy and lead unfulfilling lives but this is far from the truth.
You need to understand that different people have different things to make them happy. Has nothing to do with selfishness or emotional immaturity. It just has to do with men finding happiness with themselves and not "needing" a woman or children to find happiness.
There's this guy in his mid 30s who believes he's 'the type better on his own', who never wants to do 'anything of what society says needs to be done' and whose image of happiness is about being on his own, at 40, 50, 60 years of age, enjoying a glass of good wine and a good meal in a nice location on the coast of a lovely sea.
Somehow this image, although lovely from a cinematographic point of view, appears somewhat sad and incomplete to me.
I don't know if he truly truly always felt that way or it was deception caused by women (he was abandoned by mother and cheated on by girlfriends) that led to this 'settlement' in his mind.
But if the major cause is not the above evidence then that leads to the conclusion that such people exist - people who do not need other people. (But then, why does he go on dates ?)
Is not wanting anyone to grow old with better in the sense that it proves you're balanced enough on your own, or is it an act of selfishness or emotional immaturity?
I think there are going to be a lot more guys taking this route over the next few decades. I predict it'll actually be a cultural phenomena. Guys getting back to the basics, cutting themselves off from crap they don't really need, not having any comittments, and being content in their own company. That's the measure of a truly confident man IMO. We've been emasculated. We live in a world of group think. We are conditioned at birth to be average. We strive to be normal, fit in, start a family, get financially secure, buy crap we don't need. Be your own person. Get back outdoors. Disconnect from the world. Be different.
If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.
~ C.S. Lewis
This sums up the way I feel in this life. I thought maybe I was an adrenaline junky. There's something more to life that I can't deny. I know what it is. I hope you all find yours.
There's this guy in his mid 30s who believes he's 'the type better on his own', who never wants to do 'anything of what society says needs to be done' and whose image of happiness is about being on his own, at 40, 50, 60 years of age, enjoying a glass of good wine and a good meal in a nice location on the coast of a lovely sea.
Somehow this image, although lovely from a cinematographic point of view, appears somewhat sad and incomplete to me.
I don't know if he truly truly always felt that way or it was deception caused by women (he was abandoned by mother and cheated on by girlfriends) that led to this 'settlement' in his mind.
But if the major cause is not the above evidence then that leads to the conclusion that such people exist - people who do not need other people. (But then, why does he go on dates ?)
Is not wanting anyone to grow old with better in the sense that it proves you're balanced enough on your own, or is it an act of selfishness or emotional immaturity?
I don't understand the mentality, just like I don't get people who don't want children, but I respect their choice to be different from me. I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with either group. If they're single because "women are a bunch of untrustworthy golddiggers" or "men are nothing but pigs and dogs," then I think they have a screw loose. In those cases, I am thankful they remain single.
If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.
~ C.S. Lewis
This sums up the way I feel in this life. I thought maybe I was an adrenaline junky. There's something more to life that I can't deny. I know what it is. I hope you all find yours.
Is the other person saying they don't need intimacy? Or a relationship?
I think people are confusing them here. I'm under the impression that this individual is saying he's fine without any real romantic intimacy including sex. Which, sorry, 9 out 10 times, rationalization.
Im pretty sure that the OP is talking about a guy who does not want to be in a serious relationship as in "exclusive" or "marriage". Guys like this will still always date because they still want/need sex. But as far as having someone move in with them or spending nights - NO WAY. That would be out of the question.
If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.
~ C.S. Lewis
This sums up the way I feel in this life.
I have found myself feeling this way for a while and felt like *I* was the alien.
I know exactly what the OP's friend is referring to. It could be the result of one or a combination of things, healthy and/or unhealthy. The end result, if he has removed himself from all the other influences and rules of society and everyone around him, is refreshingly liberating. You just can't beat the feeling of stripping yourself of expectations and limitations and being happy with yourself and your own company. And if he dates, it isn't because he needs to. It's because he wants to. Not needing anyone doesn't mean you become celibate and reclusive.
I actually have a similar vision for myself, in an Adirondack chair somewhere scenic and mountainous with a laptop and my dog by my side, writing books. It is a beautiful, beautiful picture.
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