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I have a real problem so serious replies only (please). I really appreciate some honest responses. I'm in an odd relationship situation. I met this guy last November (2008). We have been dating since then- the relationship moved along fast, we're officially a 'couple' and not just 'dating' at this point. Anyway, the past few months, he's been sleeping at my place- almost every night. He has a tendency to want to do it every night. I thought the novelty of it would wear off after a few months but it hasn't.
Recently he revealed something scary to me. He said that he can't understand why I sometimes don't feel like doing it or doesn't understand why I won't give 'it' to him when he asks. He said that if a man doesn't get it on a regular basis, it can make him gay. Now first off, I'm 28 years old (not 13) so this is complete nonsense to me. Secondly, my BF is not from this country, he is from an eastern european country (which shall remain nameless) and he is very new to this country. There may be some cultural differences and I'm not, by any means, stereotyping but I don't think he is educated in the area of physical intimacy. Know what I mean? Like I don't feel he has been exposed to certain things. In other words, I think maybe he is struggling with feelings for his same sex and he's trying to fight it by being overly active with me. I'm assuming he is from a culture that does not accept homosexuality so he has had to repress it all this time.
OMG what do I do?? It's not like I can prove any of this. Geez, I can't even have a conversation with him about it. I don't want to continue sleeping with him, I really don't even think I want to continue the relationship under this cloud of suspicion. How do I deal with this?
BTW, The other day, he went out with his male friend to a hang out near the beach. It's a popular tourist area- lots of rich and famous musicians actors etc and is very gay-friendly. He came over to my place later that night with some groceries and as he was putting things away, he threw away and empty box of condoms in the garbage. I asked him about it and he said 'aw what are you trying to say- they're for you!' Granted, he did leave a few in the nightstand BUT the box said 40 count- there are only 6 in my nightstand!!
There may be some cultural differences and I'm not, y any means, stereotyping but I don't think he is educated in the area of physical intimacy. Know what I mean? Like I don't feel he has been exposed to certain things.
Very likely. Sex education is not as open topic in Eastern Europe... [yet the media is full of naked and half-naked images, which teaches people that women are "always ready"]. You would have to gently "educate" him - if you are up to this <enormous> task.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BubbleBumGirl
In other words, I think maybe he is struggling with feelings for his same sex and he's trying to fight it by being overly active with me. I'm assuming he is from a culture that does not accept homosexuality so he has had to repress it all this time.
I'm not sure if a repressed gay can even be active with women, let alone over-active? Can you imagine being attracted to women and in order to suppress that, you demand non-stop sex from men? It wouldn't last long, I would imagine. Or maybe he's bi?
he said 'aw what are you trying to say- they're for you!' Granted, he did leave a few in the nightstand BUT the box said 40 count- there are only 6 in my nightstand!!
If you're absolutely sure, the numbers are accurate than that should be a major red flag and you should run...
Very likely. Sex education is not as open topic in Eastern Europe... [yet the media is full of naked and half-naked images, which teaches people that women are "always ready"]. You would have to gently "educate" him - if you are up to this <enormous> task.
I'm not sure if a repressed gay can even be active with women, let alone over-active? Can you imagine being attracted to women and in order to suppress that, you demand non-stop sex from men? It wouldn't last long, I would imagine. Or maybe he's bi?
Your last question is also one of my concerns- that could be a possibility but how does one really know unless you 'catch them in the act'. I mean honestly, anything else would just be an accusation. I would feel horrible If I'm wrong but I don't know how else to approach it. I can't ever walk away from a relationship without some sort of explanation but I really don't know what to say in this situation...
He said that if a man doesn't get it on a regular basis, it can make him gay. Now first off, I'm 28 years old (not 13) so this is complete nonsense to me.
He is either struggling with some homosexual thoughts he is haveing, or he considers that you have the intelligence of a 13 year old in a desperate attempt to get more.
There was a time when every night was 'just about right' but his methods sound a bit amateurish or desperate.
Your last question is also one of my concerns- that could be a possibility but how does one really know unless you 'catch them in the act'. I mean honestly, anything else would just be an accusation. I would feel horrible If I'm wrong but I don't know how else to approach it. I can't ever walk away from a relationship without some sort of explanation but I really don't know what to say in this situation...
For me personally, it wouldn't matter if he was bi or gay - I am not sharing with the other team!
I can see the difficulty of approaching it, - even with an American man it would not be easy. With an EE man, I would imagine he'd start a loud dramatic "What makes you think that? I am not having sex on the side with anyone!! I am so offended!! I can't believe you assuming that!!" etc etc
I would think this situation is more of a wait and see, wait and observe situation.... I would not personally engage in any sex before finding out one way or the other. You've said that he's demanding already the way he is, and you "taking a break" might probably enrage him....
If possible, discard all the dramatics, and watch for what's behind it. There is no way a man who loves you would be detracted by a break. And if he does... then he doesn't really care for you?
Just speaking as a straight guy, his rationale for doing "it" so often with you seems like he's confused about whether he's bisexual or not. I don't think he's gay, but maybe bi. But that's just from what little you've said. Could be totally wrong.
Wait... So eastern Europeans turn gay if they don't get some? That could explain SO many problems the world is facing today..
Forget about all that crap.
Thing is, either you trust him enough to be with him, or you don't. If you really don't trust him, and absolutely want to make sure, just ask him where the rest of the condoms went. I'm sure that even if he doesn't tell you the truth outright, his body language will.
My suggestion, if you don't trust the person you're with, it's time to move on. Bottom line.
Your boyfriend strikes me as being narrow minded as hell. If you break things off, I would suggest all at once. Over.
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