what do i do ?! (dating, boyfriend, advice, friend)

[ooccarina]

hi guys,
this is my first post here but don't worry i'm not new to forums in general by any means

so anyway, i have some concerns with my current boyfriend of 10 months.

well we were going completly fine for the first 6 months, hardly any arguing, i would see him roughly every day and he acted like he actually wanted to see me etc.
he looked HAPPY.
but then i had this operation and i saw him about 4 times over 2 months and in that time he made some new friends who are into drugs and alcohol and stuff which i am NOT for valid reasons which he knows!
anyway he was gettting pressured into doing drugs, already drinking alot, ditching me to go and drink with these friends. and i said i dont want that to be a part of my life at all.
and he said 'im just going through a phase it will pass etc'

well over the last 2 or three weeks we've argued extensivley,
he cant come over he's too busy and then calls me up saying ' wow i'm so tired i was out all night drinking'
i tried to get my point across that he cant do that to me but he's very stubborn and believes hes allowed.

so we decided to take a break which horrified me because i cant remember what its like being without him.
i tried to get him to come back several times but he said every time 'i just really need to sort myself out'
so i gave him a few days, i told him i would wait for him
but then i called him about his friend who is dating my friend, and hes doing drugs behind her back. she hates it as much as i do
and we were talking about it,

and he seems to believe that its ok for him to do it behind her back, as he has told me he would do it behind mine and i would 'never find out'
so i yelled at him and told him i don't even want to speak to him ever again (why? i dont know)

blah blah blah i apologised for being a cow and he came over and we had sex.
this was a couple of days ago, i saw him today in public, and he was walking a few steps i front of me, acted like he did NOT want to see me at all, where as when he came over he was super nice and all over me, i was so happy, but now it was like he was angry that i went to see him? so i just left i didnt even say goodbye

i really get the feeling hes leading me on
but i cant let him go,

i dont know what to do anymore,
someone please give me some advice, im at my wits end





(sorry if this is really long, ive bottled it up for a while)

[yankeegirl313]

Its pretty obvious what you need to do. Move on!

[Thursday007]

dump him! dump him NOW! He's a project not a boyfriend, he's dragging you down with him whether you know it or not and notice how welll he cares for you when you became ill - he all but disappeared. You are already on your own in this 'relationship' and you are just part of the party to him. It may be the hardest thing in the world to walk away from this but find something, a class or a standing night out with friends to soften the blow and just tell him, when you're done with rehab let me know.

[PassTheChocolate]

If you take him back, you'll be telling him it's okay to do what he is doing and he'll have one less reason to stop. Don't be so willing to invite that kind of crap into your world. I know it's hard, but the best things for you are never easy. Move on.

[bbrian12]

sounds like he got someone else
and if he is into drugs, i would not bother with him
and if you had an operation and he bailed on you that is just wrong
people who really care will be there for you at your time of need so if dude is out drinking and doing drugs and possibly messing with someone else while you are at home recovering then he is a jack a$$ and you are better off without him

it really sux losing someone you care about and it takes a while to get over
but eventully you look back and say what an a$$hole and you will be glad that they are gone

[ooccarina]

well the thing is, he didnt so much bail on me when i had my operation,
he looked after me but he couldn't come over because i was very sick and we both still go to school etc.

but i totally get what you mean,
it just hard because we've been through so much

but yeah, hes giving me mixed signals and i cant cope with it anymore >-<

[floridadreamer]

I understand you care about him, but he's too in to drugs and alcohol to see that. I think you have to move on at this point. You're only going to drag yourself down with him, and I mean that literally. Next it's going to be one of those things where he says to you that if you REALLY care about him, you'll give it a try.

[VegasGrace]

What to do? Be grateful! Be happy! You don't have to spend one more ounce on energy on this loser.

[Thursday007]

Originally Posted by ooccarina

, i would see him roughly every day and he acted like he actually wanted to see me etc.
he looked HAPPY.
but then i had this operation and i saw him about 4 times over 2 months and in that time he made some new friends who are into drugs and alcohol

Originally Posted by ooccarina

well the thing is, he didnt so much bail on me when i had my operation,
he looked after me but he couldn't come over because i was very sick and we both still go to school etc.

Honey, it looks like you are already making excuses for him. Wait until he starts stealing from you to support his habits. Or the police come to your house and you go to jail because he's stashed his crap at your house, maybe when people who he owes money to show up at your house or transactions take place in your home - you go to jail too....I could go on and on about the dangers of such a relationship...but I get the feeling you are smart enough to know.

[Darthfrodo]

What mixed signals is he giving you??? He can't decide between you and the drugs and alcohol? You don't need advice as much as you need an alarm clock to wake you up. LEAVE. There's much better out there, you need to come to the realization you deserve better.