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Good evening everyone...lately I been having this nagging sensation that I am stuck in a rut.
I have been married for over 9 yrs. to a good man, great father and provider...but unfortunately the romance has been drained out of our relationship and we are now just "together" for the sake of the kids it seemsss.
We married when I was 18 and he 24. I married cause I was in love...I didn't have my first kid till 20.
But, I'm 28 now and feel like I have outgrown a lot of the things that used to keep me "in love" with him. We barely talk anymore and I have withdrawn myself from him a lot because I really don't want to know what he thinks any more. I'm tired...its been an exhausting 10 yrs. and sometimes I wonder..."what if?" have you ever had that feeling? like right now...although I love my children to death and wouldn't contemplate being away from them for 1 day...I still would love to live carefree...running wild...living like a hippie or a nomad...someone that is in one place one week, and on to another the next.
What is wrong with me? I don't know what to do with myself lately...my husband is not a bad man...I just don't know if I like to be with him anymore...
any advise? I really am feeling a bit lost tonight...otherwise, I wouldn't even ask...I don't really have any friends to talk to about these things...but I'm burning up inside.
Is there anything you can do to "restart" your relationship? From what I'm reading it sounds like you have hit the "7 year" rut - (in your case 10 year). Boredom from time to time will pop up in any realtionship. It can be over come. However, if you have grown apart that's a more difficult matter.
Can you talk to your husband? Can you & he get away for a weekend, alone?
I still would love to live carefree...running wild...living like a hippie or a nomad...someone that is in one place one week, and on to another the next.
mmm; that just made me realize how happy I should be to be single. I travel from time to time, and I would like to do so alot more.
I believe you can still do that even if you are involved with someone though, but marriage....maybe different story. Hell I wouldnt know
I think your biggest hurdle to the way you're feeling is because you married so young, too young (my mother married at 16). At 18 through your 20's you are still discovering what kind of person YOU are and changing and growing into your own skin. You did that while trying to get to know someone who was doing the same thing is a marriage which can be difficult. You feel sort of lost in a way because you are different than you were when you married.
I think everyone, married or single, goes through their coulda-shoulda-wouldas. Every lifestyle has it's good points and its bad. I'm sure plenty of single people can tell you about the ruts they're in - well, hell, just read the realtionship forum.
While you didn't mention education or employment, my own mother, after we children we born, went back and finished high school and then college and starting working in a law office. Aside from being a pretty big achievement under the circumstances, it provided her with intellectual stimulation that seemed to be lacking for her. You may want to consider school or community classes which would also give you an opportunity to develop friends. Also, you may try planning something like a three day trip with the two of you every three months or so, it's like anticipating that first date all over again.
Marriage goes through some huge ups and downs for some people, but like every living, breathing thing it grows and changes and you need to grow and adapt with it and find ways to revive it continually.
If you don't already have a great career, plan for the future and go to school if necessary. Fix it so you can easily support yourself and the kids. In the meantime work on what you have. Down the road, things may need to change. If they do, you will be ready.
Good evening everyone...lately I been having this nagging sensation that I am stuck in a rut.
I have been married for over 9 yrs. to a good man, great father and provider...but unfortunately the romance has been drained out of our relationship and we are now just "together" for the sake of the kids it seemsss.
We married when I was 18 and he 24. I married cause I was in love...I didn't have my first kid till 20.
But, I'm 28 now and feel like I have outgrown a lot of the things that used to keep me "in love" with him. We barely talk anymore and I have withdrawn myself from him a lot because I really don't want to know what he thinks any more. I'm tired...its been an exhausting 10 yrs. and sometimes I wonder..."what if?" have you ever had that feeling? like right now...although I love my children to death and wouldn't contemplate being away from them for 1 day...I still would love to live carefree...running wild...living like a hippie or a nomad...someone that is in one place one week, and on to another the next.
What is wrong with me? I don't know what to do with myself lately...my husband is not a bad man...I just don't know if I like to be with him anymore...
any advise? I really am feeling a bit lost tonight...otherwise, I wouldn't even ask...I don't really have any friends to talk to about these things...but I'm burning up inside.
This is why 18 year old kids shouldn't get married.
Now that you are, however, you owe it to your kids to work really hard to keep this family together. Don't get caught up in "what if" fantasy's and spend a second of your time wondering how green the grass is on the other side.
There is nothing wrong with you, what you are going thru is very normal for someone who married too young. You just have to deal with it and not give in to it. Seek some professional counseling to help get things back on track with your husband. Growing pains are part of life - hang in there
I think your biggest hurdle to the way you're feeling is because you married so young, too young (my mother married at 16). At 18 through your 20's you are still discovering what kind of person YOU are and changing and growing into your own skin. You did that while trying to get to know someone who was doing the same thing is a marriage which can be difficult. You feel sort of lost in a way because you are different than you were when you married.
I think everyone, married or single, goes through their coulda-shoulda-wouldas. Every lifestyle has it's good points and its bad. I'm sure plenty of single people can tell you about the ruts they're in - well, hell, just read the realtionship forum.
While you didn't mention education or employment, my own mother, after we children we born, went back and finished high school and then college and starting working in a law office. Aside from being a pretty big achievement under the circumstances, it provided her with intellectual stimulation that seemed to be lacking for her. You may want to consider school or community classes which would also give you an opportunity to develop friends. Also, you may try planning something like a three day trip with the two of you every three months or so, it's like anticipating that first date all over again.
Marriage goes through some huge ups and downs for some people, but like every living, breathing thing it grows and changes and you need to grow and adapt with it and find ways to revive it continually.
Yup, and whatever you do don't cheat, or worse yet find some poor sod who is lonely and seduce him into a torrid affair. You'd be better off divorcing than doing that to yourself and some poor pitiful soul you could potentially scar for life.
Things like this happen. It's a terrible situation to be in, and there are no easy solutions. I feel for you!
I think what stuck out to me in your post was the "i have no friends." Maybe thats where you need to start. Friends can be a great resource for many things. Including how they overcame the same situation you are now in. Afterall, your situation is not unique. You dont mention if you work outside the home or not. If not, maybe it is something you should consider. People with occupied minds tend to have less time to reflect on "what ifs." But please realize that you are not alone. I dont know any adult who hasnt had a "what if" moment or two in thier life. Good luck young lady.
I think what stuck out to me in your post was the "i have no friends." Maybe thats where you need to start. Friends can be a great resource for many things. Including how they overcame the same situation you are now in. Afterall, your situation is not unique. You dont mention if you work outside the home or not. If not, maybe it is something you should consider. People with occupied minds tend to have less time to reflect on "what ifs." But please realize that you are not alone. I dont know any adult who hasnt had a "what if" moment or two in thier life. Good luck young lady.
WELL SAID! I think everyone goes thru rough patches- I know you have been together for 9 years so you feel like you know each other inside out- but you probably don't know EVERYTHING about him- you should try to date each other again get excited about going to an event- something out of the norm- see what happens.
This is why 18 year old kids shouldn't get married.
God isn't THAT the truth. I am so thankful I married later in life. I did so much before I got married, by the time that came around, I was ready to slow down. So OP, I have no words of wisdom for you, other than to try counseling perhaps? Have you discussed this with the hubby? How does he feel?
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Good evening everyone...lately I been having this nagging sensation that I am stuck in a rut. 
