Friendships, Relationships After College (girl, older, call, friend)

[Chanteuse d' Opéra]

Call me crazy but I've been thinking a lot about this. I'm currently a college senior, about to graduate in May. I went home this weekend & it pains me to say that I feel like a stranger in my own hometown...

A lot of people from my hometown went away to school (myself included) & the ones who did stay here went to our local university &/or community college. I'm pretty actively involved in my college but at the same time, I've only made a few real solid relationships...I had a fallout w/ my best friend of 2+ years & that really hurt me...I'm not a loner now, but sometimes I feel so alone...even though I'm involved, is that bad? I'm also kind of shy but I've not had a problem making friends, it's just maintaining the friendships that has been a bit of a challenge for me, esp. when people graduate &/or transfer to different colleges (a LOT of my friends did that esp. when I was a freshman & sophomore)

Back home this weekend, I went to a 24 hour Starbucks to attempt to study & it was a nightmare, I felt so alone I usually go there w/ a friend whenever I'm home for a break (Thanksgiving/Christmas) but I just decided to go by myself. On Saturday night, my mom & I grabbed coffee (I'm really close to my mom but we are both homebodies & that's not good for a 21-yr-old senior like me, I make an extra effort NOT to be one though)

I'm going to teach elementary school after graduation & I plan on joining a church & Big Brothers/Big Sisters, I've done some pretty extensive volunteering in college..I'm pretty proactive & I'm not afraid of doing things on my own, it's just that I just feel like I'm afraid of "growing up" & not being a student anymore.. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want to have a lack of a social life when I move back home after graduation. I also feel like my net of close friends has been shrinking...can anyone empathize?

Sorry for this being so long winded...

[Brown Leather Jacket]

I know what you mean about being a stranger in your own town. I graduated after 5 years away at college and came back just this spring, and I still haven't gotten the hang of meeting new people. Everyone I knew in college went back to their homes or to new jobs around the country. Only a few people from high school came back but to be honest, I'm not really interested in reconnecting with people from high school. I want to build a future, not cling on to the past, if you know what I mean.

[Chanteuse d' Opéra]

Originally Posted by Brown Leather Jacket

I know what you mean about being a stranger in your own town. I graduated after 5 years away at college and came back just this spring, and I still haven't gotten the hang of meeting new people. Everyone I knew in college went back to their homes or to new jobs around the country. Only a few people from high school came back but to be honest, I'm not really interested in reconnecting with people from high school. I want to build a future, not cling on to the past, if you know what I mean.

I'm glad someone else knows what I mean, it feels like it will be tougher to make friends since I won't be in that typical student setting like college for much longer...it kind of makes me sad in a way...

[TabulaRasa]

I went to college about 600 miles and several states away from my small hometown, which was not the norm for people I grew up with (most went to the local community college and left it at that, or went on to the public university 45 minutes from town). After I graduated and took a couple of years to live and work elsewhere, I took a job working for the newspaper back in my hometown. I was 24, and had been gone, essentially, for six years...not a long stretch in the typical adult world, but nearly a lifetime to the teen/young adult that my peers and I were in that interim.

I did have a few high school friends who were still in the area who were important to me and who I'd kept in contact with, and I was never an "I hate my hometown and never want to see it again" person, obviously, or I'd never have taken a job there, right? But it's different to return. Friendships change and evolve, and in some cases, fade. I did find that, at work, I met another person in my boat...a girl I'd actually gone to high school with, but she was a year or two below me and we hadn't really known one another except by sight and as a name. She and I actually became tight friends, since we'd both gone away and come back, and she was more like the people I knew in college than my hometown friends who'd never gone away.

Like you, I'm also very close to my mom, and often preferred hanging out at my parents' place with her to going out and socializing with peers or hanging out at my own apt. Being a homebody is fine, but like you, I would also at times force myself to be out and about, just because it seemed like I ought to make the effort. But the bottom line is, whether you're living in your hometown area or not, being social CAN take a lot of effort, especially when you're done with school and are balancing working life and social life more than you might have at other times of life.

[Morphous01]

Originally Posted by Chanteuse d' Opéra

Call me crazy but I've been thinking a lot about this. I'm currently a college senior, about to graduate in May. I went home this weekend & it pains me to say that I feel like a stranger in my own hometown...

A lot of people from my hometown went away to school (myself included) & the ones who did stay here went to our local university &/or community college. I'm pretty actively involved in my college but at the same time, I've only made a few real solid relationships...I had a fallout w/ my best friend of 2+ years & that really hurt me...I'm not a loner now, but sometimes I feel so alone...even though I'm involved, is that bad? I'm also kind of shy but I've not had a problem making friends, it's just maintaining the friendships that has been a bit of a challenge for me, esp. when people graduate &/or transfer to different colleges (a LOT of my friends did that esp. when I was a freshman & sophomore)

Back home this weekend, I went to a 24 hour Starbucks to attempt to study & it was a nightmare, I felt so alone I usually go there w/ a friend whenever I'm home for a break (Thanksgiving/Christmas) but I just decided to go by myself. On Saturday night, my mom & I grabbed coffee (I'm really close to my mom but we are both homebodies & that's not good for a 21-yr-old senior like me, I make an extra effort NOT to be one though)

I'm going to teach elementary school after graduation & I plan on joining a church & Big Brothers/Big Sisters, I've done some pretty extensive volunteering in college..I'm pretty proactive & I'm not afraid of doing things on my own, it's just that I just feel like I'm afraid of "growing up" & not being a student anymore.. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want to have a lack of a social life when I move back home after graduation. I also feel like my net of close friends has been shrinking...can anyone empathize?

Sorry for this being so long winded...

I know how you feel..... The good news (I think) about your future is that when you start working and paying rent/mortgage you really won't have much time to sit around thinking about how you're alone and so forth. That is the good thing about work; it keeps your mind busy.

In regards to when you do have time off, from my experience, it's gets increasingly difficult to hang on to old friends as you get older, and if I were you, I would just brace yourself and try to just roll with the punches.

I mean, people will inevitability have less and less time to hang out due to other obligations that are more important (no disrespect) such as, taking care of babies, spouce support, or work.

[Chanteuse d' Opéra]

Originally Posted by Morphous01

I know how you feel..... The good news (I think) about your future is that when you start working and paying rent/mortgage you really won't have much time to sit around thinking about how you're alone and so forth. That is the good thing about work; it keeps your mind busy.

In regards to when you do have time off, from my experience, it's gets increasingly difficult to hang on to old friends as you get older, and if I were you, I would just brace yourself and try to just roll with the punches.

I mean, people will inevitability have less and less time to hang out due to other obligations that are more important (no disrespect) such as, taking care of babies, spouce support, or work.

I totally get you! Even as a college senior, you have to plan around people's schedules...I can only imagine what it will be like after grad? Although I know that some people make new friends & sometimes get along w/ those better than their college friends...?

[XodoX]

Well, what's the name of your hometown? If it's a bigger city, then you shouldn't be having any problems.

[Chanteuse d' Opéra]

Originally Posted by XodoX

Well, what's the name of your hometown? If it's a bigger city, then you shouldn't be having any problems.

It's a medium-sized city, I'm actually thinking of moving to Houston though in the summertime...

[Morphous01]

Originally Posted by Chanteuse d' Opéra

Although I know that some people make new friends & sometimes get along w/ those better than their college friends...?

Ohh yea, people build up their lives around common things such as work. So in other words, where you work will largely determine what kind and how many friends you have.

Not to get too off topic, but many aspects of our lives are really just a crap shoot (random drawing). So if you pick a job where you work in a large office, you have greater possibility to meet new friends that you can get along with. Conversely, if you become self employed, the exposure to make new friends, and meet similar people is much smaller unless you go to conventions for small businesses; but when you run a small business who has the time to do that?

That's about the only thing I miss about having a job, the constant contact with male and female associates who really become friends over time. It's just amazing how when you put on a uniform, or company badge, all off the sudden, you connect with people who you don't know; and that's exactly the reason why uniforms are used. It creates a bond among dissimilar people.

[Chanteuse d' Opéra]

Originally Posted by Morphous01

Ohh yea, people build up their lives around common things such as work. So in other words, where you work will largely determine what kind and how many friends you have.

Not to get too off topic, but many aspects of our lives are really just a crap shoot (random drawing). So if you pick a job where you work in a large office, you have greater possibility to meet new friends that you can get along with. Conversely, if you become self employed, the exposure to make new friends, and meet similar people is much smaller unless you go to conventions for small businesses; but when you run a small business who has the time to do that?

That's about the only thing I miss about having a job, the constant contact with male and female associates who really become friends over time. It's just amazing how when you put on a uniform, or company badge, all off the sudden, you connect with people who you don't know; and that's exactly the reason why uniforms are used. It creates a bond among dissimilar people.

So true! I'm going to be teaching so I hope that will be an automatic bond with other teachers at the school where I'll be working *crosses fingers*