Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I was married to a Catholic man for 28 years. Our wedding ceremony was in MY Methodist Church. It was performed by BOTH his Priest and my Minister. It could just as easily been held outdoors. Wherever you are getting your information from, you should really think about a new source. If your source is the parish priest, contact the nearest Catholic university and get more accurate information. What a priest is WILLING to do is not the same as what is permitted. I know because we went through that discussion with my ex's parish priest who initially refused to perform the ceremony anywhere other than the Catholic church. My ex was attending a Catholic university at the time and had already discussed this issue with the priests at school. He stuck to his guns and the wedding went on as we wanted.
Religion was not an issue in our marriage. Everything else was.
Yes you can get married outside of the church and the RC priest can participate in the ceremony (different from performing the sacrament of marriage), but did you receive a certificate of marriage from the Roman Catholic church (not just a marriage license)? If you did, I'm assuming you went through and received some sort of dispensation.
Looks like the OP has abandoned us. Maybe she was kidnapped and is currently undergoing a brainwash session by the future inlaws.
Either that or she didn't like what we had to say.
HAHA I have not abondoned you guys!!! LOL I just had a very busy weekend-- two birthday parties for my daughter's class mates, and then holiday baking for gifts for teachers, co-workers, etc. LOL let me read through more posts and then respond to more of them
Oh and the in-laws are really nice actually. Totally not controlling at all (or brainwashing!). They actually are very laid back and sweet. We've been dating for a few years now, so I think I know them well enough to trust its not an act either!
Here is a vast list someone compiled of famous people who were either raised in or are married in a mixed marriage of Jewish and Catholic faiths. So, it obviously works for many.
Thank you all for your responses! I truly appreciate it. I will be reading the posts to various links with more information some of you kindly gave. I think it is possible that I have been misinformed. We are beginning the processes now with the church to do whatever counseling is necessary.
I do just want to say, in my fiance's defense, how would he feel if I was the one demanding a certain ceremony because that was MY religion? (Which I kind of am doing really!) The situation would be flipped--you all would advise him to run b/c I was controlling, demanding, etc.
I have not considered not marrying my fiance!! We love each other, and we work very well together!! We are happy, and not in a love-struck kind of way. We've been together for a few years now, and together he has helped me raise my daughter. We've been through a lot, and he has always been there for me...I am no spring chicken, my ex husband was very controlling. So I knew what to stay away from with the next relationship!! My current fiance is not controlling at all! He is truly a very kind hearted individual, who is motivated in life, caring and giving, intelligent and sweet. Most of all he is who I want to share my life with!
The truth is we both want a ceremony that incorporates our cherished beliefs and values. The main thing we agree on is that we don't care HOW/WHEN/WHERE/BY WHOM we get married, the point is we are marrying each other for the right reasons!!!
After much talking and thinking about the situation, we have decided to have a small catholic ceremony (performed by my husband's best friend, who is a Priest) on a Friday at a local Catholic church. Then Saturday we'll have our wedding (performed by my childhood minster) outside in a rose garden surrounded by family & friends. Afterwards we'll have our small reception. That way everyone is happy!
I've seen relationships work (and have friends in wonderful relationships!) where the parents are of different religions, Christian & Jewish, Muslim & Christian, Buddist & Hindu, etc. With us we both agree on our main belief: which is Jesus Christ is Lord. That, to us, is what is important. (NOT bashing others--this is just our belief!!!). I think with lots of prayers, and continual compromises similar to this one, we will make it!!
The big question is whether you and/or your husband wish for your marriage to be recognized by the Roman Catholic church?
That is an important point. So, too, are extended family relationships and expectations. A wedding is one hour out of a long life to come. Is it worth disappointing or angering those who will be a part of your family from then on by ignoring their wishes in a matter of utmost importance to them?
I'm now in my second "mixed" marriage. In the first, I was an Episcopal and she was Catholic. We were married in the church. Now I'm the Catholic and my wife is a Buddhist. We eloped to Reno. We spoke to my priest before we married and while he could not marry us in the church because of my divorce, he blessed our marriage nonetheless and considered it, in his words, "a marriage of conscience."
In neither marriage has religion been a point of contention, nor was raising my five children in the church and sending them to Catholic schools. Interestingly enough, neither the ex nor any of the children, all adults, are practicing Catholics any longer. Three of my grandchildren were baptized in the church and the oldest was confirmed and received communion when old enough.
My Buddhist wife attends Mass with me and enjoys it. She says she always gets something out of it.
For those who have been so vocal in their disagreements with and disdain of the Catholic Church and have given mis-information, most of you know not whereof you speak. Even if you did, having a specific religion is a matter of faith and faith is something that just is and cannot be argued.
Last edited by Curmudgeon; 12-14-2009 at 10:36 AM..
OK, so I want to say I have nothing against Catholics!! I'm about to marry one! I grew up Methodist, and I prefer to attend any Christian church that is loving and inviting and that speaks the truth. (I just don't agree with everything the Catholics believe) I typically prefer contemporary services. This makes it really difficult for us because we both do not like or feel comfortable in the other's church. But we alternate between churches, and we've agreed to raise our children in both (I have a 3 year old daughter now who we take to both services, and it works out fine). This is all fine and dandy until we got engaged... and I realized he not only wants us to, but we are REQUIRED to attend 6 months of pre-martial Catholic counseling. I'm all for talking and getting advice, what I've heard is that most priests take the view point that if any argument can not be resolved, the man is correct and the woman must submit.
In addition to that, and this is the real kicker, I'm realizing that the wedding I want is not going to happen. I don't want a big wedding, in fact there were only going to be 30 people invited, mostly close family and maybe 10 friends. But all I wanted was for it to be outside; in a garden or on the beach. But Priests feel that they must control that aspect of your life as well--so alas, no outside wedding.
Am I being immature or am I justified in feeling weary of this? Of course I still want to marry him no matter what, I just am wanting to be selfish about this one day!! Thoughts? Anyone ever been through Catholic pre-martial counseling?
My husband and I had to do the Catholic pre-marital counseling. It was kind of silly - just a lot of sitting around and listening to someone talk about all phases of marriage. We had to share our thoughts with the group and also had to do some letter writing to each other as a couple. I don't recall it having any kind of affect - we just needed to do it in order to get married in that church.
Thank you all for your responses! I truly appreciate it. I will be reading the posts to various links with more information some of you kindly gave. I think it is possible that I have been misinformed. We are beginning the processes now with the church to do whatever counseling is necessary.
I do just want to say, in my fiance's defense, how would he feel if I was the one demanding a certain ceremony because that was MY religion? (Which I kind of am doing really!) The situation would be flipped--you all would advise him to run b/c I was controlling, demanding, etc.
I have not considered not marrying my fiance!! We love each other, and we work very well together!! We are happy, and not in a love-struck kind of way. We've been together for a few years now, and together he has helped me raise my daughter. We've been through a lot, and he has always been there for me...I am no spring chicken, my ex husband was very controlling. So I knew what to stay away from with the next relationship!! My current fiance is not controlling at all! He is truly a very kind hearted individual, who is motivated in life, caring and giving, intelligent and sweet. Most of all he is who I want to share my life with!
The truth is we both want a ceremony that incorporates our cherished beliefs and values. The main thing we agree on is that we don't care HOW/WHEN/WHERE/BY WHOM we get married, the point is we are marrying each other for the right reasons!!!
After much talking and thinking about the situation, we have decided to have a small catholic ceremony (performed by my husband's best friend, who is a Priest) on a Friday at a local Catholic church. Then Saturday we'll have our wedding (performed by my childhood minster) outside in a rose garden surrounded by family & friends. Afterwards we'll have our small reception. That way everyone is happy!
I've seen relationships work (and have friends in wonderful relationships!) where the parents are of different religions, Christian & Jewish, Muslim & Christian, Buddist & Hindu, etc. With us we both agree on our main belief: which is Jesus Christ is Lord. That, to us, is what is important. (NOT bashing others--this is just our belief!!!). I think with lots of prayers, and continual compromises similar to this one, we will make it!!
Thanks again!
Good for you! It sounds as though everything is going to work out beautifully and I wish for you and your future husband an eternity of love and communication on all levels for many years to come. Cheers!
I've seen relationships work (and have friends in wonderful relationships!) where the parents are of different religions, Christian & Jewish, Muslim & Christian, Buddist & Hindu, etc. With us we both agree on our main belief: which is Jesus Christ is Lord. That, to us, is what is important. (NOT bashing others--this is just our belief!!!). I think with lots of prayers, and continual compromises similar to this one, we will make it!!
Great compromise and I think you're right. I, too, think you'll make it!
My husband and I had to do the Catholic pre-marital counseling. It was kind of silly - just a lot of sitting around and listening to someone talk about all phases of marriage. We had to share our thoughts with the group and also had to do some letter writing to each other as a couple. I don't recall it having any kind of affect - we just needed to do it in order to get married in that church.
My friends went through that. They had to get married in a Catholic church and during the counseling, they had to take a compatibility test. They, among a few other couples took it at the same time. Questions on the test were "how much money do you make?" and "how much of your money will you give to the church?". Um, its none of their business how much you make or how much you will give. That to me was just ridiculous. I just think its wrong for a church to turn people away. After all, I was brought up on the fact that God accepts everyone and doesn't turn anyone away. Since I'm a non-denominational believer, that means I believe but I don't believe that you are only allowed to stand on one foot and hop around as long as you don't hop around counter clockwise on days that have an r in them and in months that don't have a day past the 30th. To me all these rules and regulations get in the way.
My wife and I had an outdoor ceremony and the priest that married us was recommended by the wedding hall. He was the nicest man you ever met and he had 3 types of ceremonies. We chose text from all 3 and we were happy with it and he was perfectly fine with it. We did set up a meeting with him and there were no issues, no tests, nothing. We are in our 30's, we both have a good head on our shoulders and we're not young and impulsive. We both know what we wanted and that we wanted to marry each other. He performed the ceremony and everyone enjoyed it. We did not hear one complaint to us nor through the grapevine.
I'm trying to say here that we did it the way we both wanted it. Not the way a parent, aunt, uncle, grandmother, or whatever wanted. No disrespect to anyone, but you can't make everyone happy. So the best thing to do is do what will make you both happy.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Compromise
