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Old 01-12-2010, 07:47 AM
 
Location: USA
13 posts, read 34,966 times
Reputation: 37

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I took a look at my husband's phone a while back because he was keeping it on his person all the time. I thought it was odd, so I looked at what was on there. (Background info: Married 23 years, 2 grown stable children, no money problems, both in good shape.)

This is an email I found between himself and a subordinate of his.

Subject: Since I ran into you

Husband: Since this happens all the time, and I usually don't resolve for myself until it festers in my head, I thought I'd send you this note.

You went dark on me again.
Which is fine, I just want to know when I'm overstepping my bounds
so that I don't confuse or annoy you.

What I hate is the feeling that comes over me when I hear nothing back from you.
I immediately begin to think I've gone too far, you don't want me in contact with you, etc.
Then I try to avoid you, which is ever harder. Then it festers. blah. blah. blah. blah.
I hate that feeling. I hate avoding you even more.
So I'm sending this note. Hopefully, you'll send one back.

Have a great weekend. My friend from Dallas is taking a bus to spend the weekend with me. He is the alcoholic I've talked to you about.
He is out of the shelter and in a home now with 5 guys all recovering.
Should make for an interesting weekend.
I love him very much, he helped raise me.
It's been a painful journey watching what's he;s gone through.
Identical to my mom, except it killed her and I'd like it to not take Tom too.
Hope you're feeling well.

Peace

Her response: Dark? No, I just don't feel well. I need to get some rest this weekend. Are you in next week? We should do coffee.

Husband's response: Thanks. You know I would love to. But let's make it tea... better for you. =)
Man I wish you could get your health back in order. It must be frustrating and draining.
I don't know how you pull it off because you always look so beautiful.

<End of email>

Well? What would you make of this? Thanks.
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Old 01-12-2010, 07:51 AM
 
Location: The Jar
20,048 posts, read 18,310,364 times
Reputation: 37125
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lightbulbmoment View Post
I took a look at my husband's phone a while back because he was keeping it on his person all the time. I thought it was odd, so I looked at what was on there. (Background info: Married 23 years, 2 grown stable children, no money problems, both in good shape.)

This is an email I found between himself and a subordinate of his.

Subject: Since I ran into you

Husband: Since this happens all the time, and I usually don't resolve for myself until it festers in my head, I thought I'd send you this note.

You went dark on me again.
Which is fine, I just want to know when I'm overstepping my bounds
so that I don't confuse or annoy you.

What I hate is the feeling that comes over me when I hear nothing back from you.
I immediately begin to think I've gone too far, you don't want me in contact with you, etc.
Then I try to avoid you, which is ever harder. Then it festers. blah. blah. blah. blah.
I hate that feeling. I hate avoding you even more.
So I'm sending this note. Hopefully, you'll send one back.

Have a great weekend. My friend from Dallas is taking a bus to spend the weekend with me. He is the alcoholic I've talked to you about.
He is out of the shelter and in a home now with 5 guys all recovering.
Should make for an interesting weekend.
I love him very much, he helped raise me.
It's been a painful journey watching what's he;s gone through.
Identical to my mom, except it killed her and I'd like it to not take Tom too.
Hope you're feeling well.

Peace

Her response: Dark? No, I just don't feel well. I need to get some rest this weekend. Are you in next week? We should do coffee.

Husband's response: Thanks. You know I would love to. But let's make it tea... better for you. =)
Man I wish you could get your health back in order. It must be frustrating and draining.
I don't know how you pull it off because you always look so beautiful.

<End of email>

Well? What would you make of this? Thanks.
Well, it doesn't sound good! Especially, the "beautiful" comment!!
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Old 01-12-2010, 07:55 AM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,993 posts, read 8,927,861 times
Reputation: 8105
I think a thorough investigation is called for.

looks like it's time you guys had a bit of a talk.

yes, it could be innocent, but it doesn't read well.

the " beautiful" comment in itself is not a hanging offence tho.
I'll often tell a Co-worker, or friend they look good. compliments make the world go round.
It depends on the relationship.
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Old 01-12-2010, 07:55 AM
 
Location: California
440 posts, read 1,030,446 times
Reputation: 440
Eek! Ummm yea that doesnt sound very good at all! Have you said anything to him yet?
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Old 01-12-2010, 07:59 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
6,777 posts, read 13,554,748 times
Reputation: 6585
It sounds like he's pining over her and she's trying to give him the brush off, JMO.
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Old 01-12-2010, 08:03 AM
 
Location: USA
13 posts, read 34,966 times
Reputation: 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by sophialee View Post
It sounds like he's pining over her and she's trying to give him the brush off, JMO.
That's what I'm thinking and hoping it is. *sigh*
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Old 01-12-2010, 08:07 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 14,645,493 times
Reputation: 3784
Remember one thing, "womens intuition". You need to dig deeper and find out what's going on.
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Old 01-12-2010, 08:07 AM
 
Location: Corydon, IN
3,688 posts, read 5,014,468 times
Reputation: 7588
It doesn't sound especially damning either, though. It's entirely possible to compliment a woman, even calling her beautiful, without also saying "I want to throw you down and rough-ride the woolly-booger".

I'd say whoever this woman is, they're close and clearly talk a great deal. However, apparently there's also some distance on her part often enough to make your husband question things between them.

To be honest, I'd say he sees her as more than JUST a friend, but would not think things have gone terribly far yet. Judging by her response to him (which sounds a lot like the "string 'em along" type of excuse/answer), I'd say there may -- MAY -- be the beginnings of an emotional affair there, but I would NOT assume more, especially given the way he signed off. Nothing about affection, missing you, hugs -- it was "peace".
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Old 01-12-2010, 08:08 AM
 
Location: mid wyoming
2,007 posts, read 6,832,292 times
Reputation: 1930
I think he's heading there
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Old 01-12-2010, 08:09 AM
 
Location: California
440 posts, read 1,030,446 times
Reputation: 440
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lightbulbmoment View Post
That's what I'm thinking and hoping it is. *sigh*
Your hoping thats what it is? Ummm babe its not ok if thats what it is! If your man in "pining" over any woman but you then its NOT ok! Just bc the other woman seems to be brushing him off doesnt mean your safe from anything. You need to talk to hime asap and figure out just what this email was about, and if it was nothing then your working yourself up for no reason. However if it is that he is having an affair then its absolutely not ok!
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