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I guess i don't have much patience. I was really betrayed in my relationship, we separated (about a week and half) and for some insane reason I've wanted to get back with him and try to believe his reasons and excuses. Well now he's disgusted with himself for his traitorous actions and doesn't want to be around me ("or anybody"), he needs time!?!
Now I've never believed in this time giving thing. I've always been true to my feelings. I love you then I want to be with you, if I don't love you then bye. So without doing anything wrong (he committed the error), sure we had a heated argument when I learned of the betrayal but I do think I have the right to blow up after something like that, I've been trying to woe him in vain. He's called me too insistent and has been cold and indifferent ever since I discovered his asinine betrayal. So now I'm going to try do things his way. Although my experience tells me that those who aren't sure especially betraying, lying, insensitive, self absorbed bfs usually don't make the decision you are waiting for.
So should I go with the fact that I still for some reason love him and wait for his answer? Possibly have my heart broken later instead of sooner? Or drop this guy... I don't even want to mention the betrayal and his other undesirable characteristics.
I guess my biggest motivation for trying and wanting to work things out is that I don't want to believe everything I've done and felt has been in vain. I've bent over backwards for this dude and I can't see how he could accept it all then betray me like that. I want to accept a less heart wrenching reason. A reason that can be forgiven and a reason that will let us continue. But maybe I'm stuck on the foolish love track.
Honestly, you are the only one who knows the answer to this, since we don't know the nature of the betrayal. I mean if you told me he lied about eating the last cookie in the jar, I'd say give him another chance. If he lied about sleeping with your sister, you need to give him the boot. We have very little perspective to work with here.
Accept that everything you did was in vain. It would be even more foolish to knowingly walk into a situation that shows all the signs of being doomed and doing even more in vain. You don't really respect him, why would you want to be with him? He is pushing you away, even after he betrayed you and you are willing to stay. What more curb do you need?
If he has betrayed you and has other undesirable characteristics, and now, in addition to all that, is pushing you away - why would you even WANT to stay? Don't you think you deserve better???
So should I go with the fact that I still for some reason love him and wait for his answer? Possibly have my heart broken later instead of sooner? Or drop this guy... I don't even want to mention the betrayal and his other undesirable characteristics.
I guess my biggest motivation for trying and wanting to work things out is that I don't want to believe everything I've done and felt has been in vain. I've bent over backwards for this dude and I can't see how he could accept it all then betray me like that. I want to accept a less heart wrenching reason. A reason that can be forgiven and a reason that will let us continue. But maybe I'm stuck on the foolish love track.
If what he did was a serious betrayal, then I would not waste any time waiting for him. If anything, he should be the one waiting for you, to forgive him. I can understand feeling like you invested a lot of yourself and don't want to feel like it all went to waste. In business, there's the concept of sunk costs. It means costs that you poured into some venture and can't recover. So now you have to decide whether to continue. Economists would say that your decision to continue should not be based on what you already spent since it's money that you would've spent no matter what you decide to do next. Likewise, whether you decide to go back to this guy or move on doesn't change the time and energy you put into the relationship already. It's a sunk cost. If it were me, I'd move on and find someone who treats you better. BTW, by waiting for him, you're sending the message that what he did wasn't that bad. That makes it more likely for him to do it again.
He needs time to talk to the person he cheated on you with. Thats my guess. Good things come to those who are lucky and work for it. Waiting is for doormats. They wait for you every night to come home and tread your dirt off. Don't be a doormat. Its a tough job.
What you feel is normal, there is no "switch" that you can turn on and off, just because your mind knows better.
Getting back with him after a serious betrayal so that you can feel that the time and energy you put in the relationship was not wasted could in fact result in you wasting your future.
So should I go with the fact that I still for some reason love him and wait for his answer? Possibly have my heart broken later instead of sooner? Or drop this guy... I don't even want to mention the betrayal and his other undesirable characteristics.
The fact that you're admitting that the betrayal isn't the only problem with this guy makes me think it might be a good idea to forget about him and move ahead with your life. It can be painful getting over a relationship but if he has these undesirable characteristics as you've described them it could end up being a much worse situation in the future.
I guess i don't have much patience. I was really betrayed in my relationship, we separated (about a week and half) and for some insane reason I've wanted to get back with him and try to believe his reasons and excuses. Well now he's disgusted with himself for his traitorous actions and doesn't want to be around me ("or anybody"), he needs time!?!
Now I've never believed in this time giving thing. I've always been true to my feelings. I love you then I want to be with you, if I don't love you then bye. So without doing anything wrong (he committed the error), sure we had a heated argument when I learned of the betrayal but I do think I have the right to blow up after something like that, I've been trying to woe him in vain. He's called me too insistent and has been cold and indifferent ever since I discovered his asinine betrayal. So now I'm going to try do things his way. Although my experience tells me that those who aren't sure especially betraying, lying, insensitive, self absorbed bfs usually don't make the decision you are waiting for.
So should I go with the fact that I still for some reason love him and wait for his answer? Possibly have my heart broken later instead of sooner? Or drop this guy... I don't even want to mention the betrayal and his other undesirable characteristics.
I guess my biggest motivation for trying and wanting to work things out is that I don't want to believe everything I've done and felt has been in vain. I've bent over backwards for this dude and I can't see how he could accept it all then betray me like that. I want to accept a less heart wrenching reason. A reason that can be forgiven and a reason that will let us continue. But maybe I'm stuck on the foolish love track.
Even if the relationship is hopelessly beyond repair, it does not mean that everything you've done and felt has been in vain. You have learned things, and you will use them in the future in a way that right now you cannot possibly imagine. Staying on a sinking ship because you did so much work to decorate the tables in the dining hall isn't a good reason to give up your life.
What you feel is normal, there is no "switch" that you can turn on and off, just because your mind knows better.
Getting back with him after a serious betrayal so that you can feel that the time and energy you put in the relationship was not wasted could in fact result in you wasting your future.
Very true, but I wouldn't do it just for the effort I've already put in, but for this questionable feeling that we can move past this and be happy.
I'm not 100% sure of this.
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