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It is not unrealistic to say that if we met again, that romance could explode again. But I'm not sure I'd want that. We'd then separate again, and then for what? To be forlorn and to miss the other again? To leave things as they are is best.
I think in your situation I would leave it to "if it happens, it happens" type of thinking.
If you are both content with the way things are, maybe it is better to leave things untouched. But if you see it happening, don't stop it.
Maybe the same thing Mark Twain was thinking in the quote that you so much appreciated.
There's a line. She crossed it. Not because of the whole "homewrecking" thing, but because, come now, what kind of prize did she think she would get? A dishonest man who has proven that he can't be trusted? Oh, hold me back.
People who cheat on their spouses are cowardly and dishonest, to all involved: themselves, their spouse, and the "other." Why people who get involved with them don't recognize that is beyond me. I would never in a gazillion years want a man who cheated on his wife to be with me. If he did it to her, he'd do it to me. It's a no-brainer, and your friend was delusional if she thought anything other.
I sometimes send good thoughts 'out into the universe' and say a few prayers for this person. That makes me feel better. A means to finding some sort of Peace and Acceptance.
This would be the "lost love" from 30 years ago to whom a whole thread was devoted in the last 24 hours and about whom you said, "He's got pics of himself online--I should get one and enlarge it and make a dart board. That smirk would look better with a few darts in it."? Bunny's in the cooking pot?
There's a line. She crossed it. Not because of the whole "homewrecking" thing, but because, come now, what kind of prize did she think she would get? A dishonest man who has proven that he can't be trusted? Oh, hold me back.
People who cheat on their spouses are cowardly and dishonest, to all involved: themselves, their spouse, and the "other." Why people who get involved with them don't recognize that is beyond me. I would never in a gazillion years want a man who cheated on his wife to be with me. If he did it to her, he'd do it to me. It's a no-brainer, and your friend was delusional if she thought anything other.
Well, here is how I understood the situation.
J didn't think she will get any prize. I want to remind you that this was not a man that she recently met and decided to wreck their marriage. This was a man that was a man of her dreams and fantasies for majority of her life. This was a man she thought of when things weren't going her way and she had a lot of "what ifs". She thought that maybe she made a mistake not pursuing their relationship when she was still in her prime, young and beautiful.
They were also friends during their young years. I mean, real true friends.
So when L offered her help and friendship, J took that chance and set herself up for the romance that she was thinking of for many years. She felt that she spent so much of her life with unanswered feelings, she needed to explore that part. J also told me that she knew very well that he won't be leaving the family and she didn't ask him for this. That's why she broke it off with him when she finally realized that her fantasies had been fulfilled, she going deeper and deeper into that rut. Remind you: she is the one who broke it off, not him.
Lastly, I had never been in the shoes of a woman who is in her late 40s/early 50s and realizes that most of her life is gone, that she spent it with a man who made her very unhappy and no matter how hard she tried to work on the marriage, it just didn't work out. And now she is alone, single and her best years behind her. How can I possibly judge her when I was never in those shoes?
It's quite sad that now she still has the regrets that at the end of the day, she should have just left it alone and not touch that part of her mystery.
Better to regret things that we have done, than to regret things we haven't done. In all honesty, this is true in the way I perceive things too.
Actually, I don't like "what ifs" either.
This is how I've tried to live my life as well. I don't regret trying to pursue things with my friend, even though it ultimately ended on a bad note. But what I learned is that if you risk tarnishing what good memories you may have had.
This is how I've tried to live my life as well. I don't regret trying to pursue things with my friend, even though it ultimately ended on a bad note. But what I learned is that if you risk tarnishing what good memories you may have had.
This would be the "lost love" from 30 years ago to whom a whole thread was devoted in the last 24 hours and about whom you said, "He's got pics of himself online--I should get one and enlarge it and make a dart board. That smirk would look better with a few darts in it."? Bunny's in the cooking pot?
Yes. I am in the process of recovering from that misadventure.
I don't really feel that way about him and I shouldn't have said that. Cried a little bit--too much --'He is this, you should do that and why did you --what a pathetic person you are'.
I never got an opinion on why it might be so extraordinarily difficult for an intelligent, very decent human--who is male to simply say--'I wish things had been different'. sigh--An acknowledgement of our shared history would have been nice. He wanted to be 'Friends'. I may be a very strange and defective person but I have friends and we sort things out and move on.
I happen to have a friend that doesn't believe in apologies. Learned a lot from that relationship, if he only knew. This man would seem to be the complete opposite of G but if you scraped away all the external differences --there are similarities. Independent sorts and very sensitive people.
G and I no longer keep in touch. When she was going through some of the most difficult times in her life I thought I was being helpful and said all the things that I don't like to hear myself.
All I can do with this man is assume for that for deeply personal reasons he has to stick with 'No Regrets'. From that I infer that he probably has some regrets and is protective of himself. Fine. I had to make a choice and I chose to risk 'opening the door'. He closed the door.
I was kind and I have 'No Regrets' about that. In my circle of friends we are able to work through things like that. How others live I can't say.
We really should never have met I can only assume. My family has proven to me that 'It's in the past, don't mention that' is about the worst way to live that I can imagine. He's the one with a BS in psychology and a Master's in Counseling--so I thought--'Maybe' but I was wrong. <insert sarcasm here>
Things just got off to a bad start this time and however, 'insane' I am I still believe that it would have been 'nice' to know that we were no longer dating. He knows that.
Then why send me an email to say--'I enjoyed Mardi Gras and have a sunburn'? I guess I could have said, 'I hope you feel better and I'm glad you had a good weekend. Take Care' --just as I had done before but to what purpose?
It's too stupid and childish for me to imagine what I am supposed to do.
And what on earth I am to think about the political joke. I had mentioned politics along with everything else. Was that some vague way of indicating topics that were 'comfortable' to him for discussion? At this point I certainly don't know. I do know that he isn't stupid and functions at a high level professionally.
Ah, well--it's sad---how difficult communication seems to be. Education doesn't seem to help--nothing seems to help.
I can only hope that some of my students, 2nd graders, 4th graders can remember that we talked about saying 'I'm sorry' when you hurt someone's feelings. I'm pretty sure that isn't some 'strange' idea that I came up with on my own.
'No Regrets'---that's a cop out no matter who says it.
I definitely think it's better to leave things the way they are. Case in point, my ex-best friend and I.
We were perfect for each other, and everyone knew it. We hung out nearly 24/7 for 4 years straight. Everyone told me to go for him, everyone told him to go for me, but for some reason, neither of us did. We didn't want to. What we had in our friendship was great, and it was exactly what we both needed at the time. He hated kids, I wanted some of my own. We were both religious, but had very different beliefs. On the surface, we were perfect. Inside, there was nothing pretty.
He ended up dating a subordinate of his and knocked her up. The day he took her out on their first date, he never spoke to me again. It hurt like hell (it still does, sometimes), but imagine how much worse it would have been if we had actually dated.
I'm greatful, nearly every day, that we never tested the waters with a lover-relationship. We were definitely better staying the way we were. I have no regrets with our relationship, and I'm glad I don't.
I definitely think it's better to leave things the way they are. Case in point, my ex-best friend and I.
We were perfect for each other, and everyone knew it. We hung out nearly 24/7 for 4 years straight. Everyone told me to go for him, everyone told him to go for me, but for some reason, neither of us did. We didn't want to. What we had in our friendship was great, and it was exactly what we both needed at the time. He hated kids, I wanted some of my own. We were both religious, but had very different beliefs. On the surface, we were perfect. Inside, there was nothing pretty.
He ended up dating a subordinate of his and knocked her up. The day he took her out on their first date, he never spoke to me again. It hurt like hell (it still does, sometimes), but imagine how much worse it would have been if we had actually dated.
I'm greatful, nearly every day, that we never tested the waters with a lover-relationship. We were definitely better staying the way we were. I have no regrets with our relationship, and I'm glad I don't.
Why did he do that??? Is it because he felt like he didn't need you anymore?
Why did he do that??? Is it because he felt like he didn't need you anymore?
It beats me. It's been over 6 months and I still haven't heard a word from him.
My guess is he just replaced his connection with me with someone else, and once that was done, there was no need to keep me around.
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