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7 years ago I started a relationship with a colleague. We are both married to other people and have children. We have stayed married for the childrens sake.
There has always been a bit of guilt for having feeling for each other because we are married, our relationship has always been a lot of talking an occasional hug and kisses, nothing more than this.
About three months ago one of her best freinds died very suddenly, then a few weeks later her husband laid down the law regarding being freinds with an old college freind and laying down expectations of what he expects from her. This coupled with other family problems and husband wanting them to have another child.
In the midst of all this she started to push me away and wanted us just to be special freinds. She stopped wearing a ring I brought her and when I asked her, she said no more of anything anymore. In a discussion she said she felt "feelings were useless as they were not taking us anywhere".
In the last Month or so she has started wearing the ring again, has said she just wants us to go with the flow rather than discuss the nature of our relationship.
I did her a favour the other day and as I said bye, she gave me a long hug and kisses on the cheek. When we talk I sense she wants to jump on me, but restrains herself. She said feelings have not changed, but we need to make some changes that reduce fear of anyone finding out and reduce guilt.
My question is, am I missing any subtle messages and things are over, or has she had such a bad time recently that she wants to run away from all the stresses. As the stresses decrease we will slowly gravitate back to each other, but one discovery step at a time. Is the going with the flow just another way of reestablishing the relationship and avoiding discussing a formal renewal as this will create guilt.
Last edited by CONFUSED1011; 05-01-2016 at 06:14 AM..
Reason: spelling
Yes, she is stil married, but does not want another child, her husband is the one pushing for another child. Another child to her means having to stay in the marriage longer.
7 years ago I started a relationship with a colleague. We are both married to other people and have children. We have stayed married for the childrens sake.
There has always been a bit of guilt for having feeling for each other because we are married, our relationship has always been a lot of talking an occasional hug and kisses, nothing more than this.
About three months ago one of her best freinds died very suddenly, then a few weeks later her husband laid down the law regarding being freinds with an old college freind and laying down expectations of what he expects from her. This coupled with other family problems and husband wanting them to have another child.
In the midst of all this she started to push me away and wanted us just to be special freinds. She stopped wearing a ring I brought her and when I asked her, she said no more of anything anymore. In a discussion she said she felt "feelings were useless as they were not taking us anywhere".
In the last Month or so she has started wearing the ring again, has said she just wants us to go with the flow rather than discuss the nature of our relationship.
I did her a favour the other day and as I said bye, she gave me a long hug and kisses on the cheek. When we talk I sense she wants to jump on me, but restrains herself. She said feelings have not changed, but we need to make some changes that reduce fear of anyone finding out and reduce guilt.
My question is, am I missing any subtle messages and things are over, or has she had such a bad time recently that she wants to run away from all the stresses. As the stresses decrease we will slowly gravitate back to each other, but one discovery step at a time. Is the going with the flow just another way of reestablishing the relationship and avoiding discussing a formal renewal as this will create guilt.
No OP
Just no
Why on earth did you even think this was OK?
Did the two of you even think about your families as well as your spouses?
Yes, she is stil married, but does not want another child, her husband is the one pushing for another child. Another child to her means having to stay in the marriage longer.
You want an affair, and she is married! You are just a fantasy.
Be responsible, and do not interfere with other people marriage. Find you a single woman for your "romance" needs.
You want an affair, and she is married! You are just a fantasy.
Be responsible, and do not interfere with other people marriage. Find you a single woman for your "romance" needs.
Both of them are responsible for what is happening.
Both of them are interfering in the marriages.
And yes, he should find a single woman for his "romance" needs.
The culture we live in makes it very hard to leave a bad marriage. Please read my original post, we have been together for 7 years, and agreed on no sexual intimacy.
I am not asking for opinions on.whether you think it is right or not. I know the answer to that. I am asking for a womans perspective on what she means by her words and recent actions.
You've been going on like this for 7 years???? Kissing on the cheek? Only?
Sounds like a very close non-sexual friendship but one that might be called emotional adultery.
Figure out what you really have going here and if you just give each other emotional support, lay off the body contact.
If you have been together for 7 years, you should be comfortable to have conversation, and ask her directly what are her plans and what she wants.
It's hard to say what all that means in your culture...
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