Is there a divorce gene? (wife, soulmates, marriage, love)

[Rcm58]

I don't want to offend anyone with this post, some people have legitiment reasons for divorce i'm sure but why do most people even use "for better or for worse" in their wedding vows if they have no intentions of honoring that statement? What is a good reason for divorce besides violence?

[ellie]

Originally Posted by Rcm58

I don't want to offend anyone with this post, some people have legitiment reasons for divorce i'm sure but why do most people even use "for better or for worse" in their wedding vows if they have no intentions of honoring that statement? What is a good reason for divorce besides violence?

Do you want a list?

[birdrgal]

I don't get how a "divorce gene" fits into your question.

Are you asking whether some people are genetically unable to honor a commitment? or marriage vows in particular?

I don't think anyone promises "for better or worse" with the INTENTION of leaving. Well, yes some do but they're going into the marriage with motives other than love (for financial purposes, because of pregnancy and they don't believe in abortion, for immigration/citizenship, etc).

But over time, things and people can change dramatically. Everyone has their tolerance limit and when that's reached, the marriage is over and the intelligent rational adult thing to do is acknowledge that and move on with their lives separately.

Just my 2 cents, having BTDT.

[sun queen]

Originally Posted by Rcm58

I don't want to offend anyone with this post, some people have legitiment reasons for divorce i'm sure but why do most people even use "for better or for worse" in their wedding vows if they have no intentions of honoring that statement? What is a good reason for divorce besides violence?

I think when people get married they're so happy and full of bliss till divorce is not even a consideration. I don't think they have any intentions of breaking up, but sometimes worse is too bad to stay. U typically don't find out how bad worse is immediately. If u knew what was going to happen before it happened u wouldn't go into the marriage. Violence is a good reason to leave and so is catching that lying, cheating, poor excuse for a human...Oh excuse me...flash back. I am an optimist and a hopless romantic.I still believe in love and soulmates and marriage. It may be risky, but when it is right it is absolutely worth it

[Roaddog]

Divorce is easy and the grass is always greener on the other side of the hill.

Some people have a good reason to get a divorce.

For some people it's just an excuse for non commitment.

Many people should not have married in the first place.

[robinhood]

I don't believe that there is a gene for it. Although it may seem that way in the incidences of a long stream fo divorces passed on for generations. I think that in this case, the children are raised to believe that divorce is acceptable and no big deal. On the other hand, I know many, many couples who both came from undivorced parents who ended up divorcing anyway. Its nota gene, but maybe the society we live in today? I can't speak from experience as to the reason divorces happen, as I've not been divorced myself. My husband and I have had times when I thought we weren't going to make it, but we always seemed to make it through and now our relationship is stonger than it ever was. I will say that the one thing that would make me cut everything off is that if he cheated on me. That is what most of the couples I know have divorced over.

[yellowsnow]

Would you be willing to live for the rest of your life with someone who no longer cares for you? People change over time and there are no guarantees you will grow together.

Very few people in their 20's, when most typically get married, know what they want in life or where they are going to be at say 45. Marriage is supposed to be a joy and a comfort. Not a prison sentence. We only have one life and we all deserve to do the best we can. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy.

[The716]

As far as I'm concerned, Infidelity is the main reason. One time and I'm gone with No looking back, no discussion, no trying to "talk about it". It could never be the same again.

[Roaddog]

Originally Posted by yellowsnow

Would you be willing to live for the rest of your life with someone who no longer cares for you? People change over time and there are no guarantees you will grow together.

Very few people in their 20's, when most typically get married, know what they want in life or where they are going to be at say 45. Marriage is supposed to be a joy and a comfort. Not a prison sentence. We only have one life and we all deserve to do the best we can. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy.

I've been married 30 years, my wife and myself have changed in many ways, we don't agree on a lot of things but that doesn't mean we don't get along and need a divorce. marrage is not joy and comfort it is a commitment and both people have to work at it, when things get rough you work through it and your bond becomes stronger.

[Rcm58]

[quote=Roaddog;936701]I've been married 30 years, my wife and myself have changed in many ways, we don't agree on a lot of things but that doesn't mean we don't get along and need a divorce. marrage is not joy and comfort it is a commitment and both people have to work at it, when things get rough you work through it and your bond becomes stronger.[/QUOTE

I agree, i've been married 27 years and neither my parents or theirs ever divorced, I guess i'm just curious as to why I no longer know many in my age group that are still married. One couple we were friends with the husband found someone else while his wife was working two jobs to put him through school, he said she never had time for him. Thats cold!