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I believe I’m subject to verbal and physical abuse but I’ve never experienced this so please read further.
Dating my bf for several years. We are almost older. He has generally been very loving etc. and wants to marry me or at least live together. However that hasn’t happened because of what I feel is his financial irresponsibility. I’ve talked to him a lot and to some extent it’s improved but he also lies to me sometimes about it.
In the past when this is happened he seemed understanding and promised me to do better going forward. However over the last several months he hasn’t had this reaction and instead he’s angry and starts to verbally attack me. By that I mean he criticizes me, tries to shift blame to me telling me that I’ve done things wrong and I’m the first to admit that I told him I’m human but that is it different and has nothing to do with his lies. He doesn’t apologize at all nor does he seem to understand or even make promises to do better .
and blames my daughter (who doesn’t care for him) for all our relationship issues and doesn’t even recognize it’s his lying.
During the last two recent fights he even criticized one of my adult children and her boyfriend. He never apologized for his behavior even when I called him out on it several times and told him how hurtful it.
I tried to break up with him both times and he made fun of me and said are we broke up if you broke up with me before you’ll be back. Well that is true I have given him several tries and he’s made all kinds of promises. During the last fight this past week he grabbed me and I pulled away and then he asked if it is OK if I touch you to which I said not really. When I woke up the next day I have a big bruise on my arm. This isn't the first time he’s grabbed me but he hasn’t happened in a long time and I think he feels pretty desperate not that that is an excuse.
Does this sound like verbal and possibly physical abuse? Of course he’s trying to reach out to me and be with me but I am not responding however I’m not really sure where to go from here.
You don't need to put up with this. Has his behavior changed over time, better or worse? If he grabbed you hard enough to cause a bruise, that's physical abuse. I think you should cut all ties with him.
Sounds like a bad relationship all around. I agree with augie that the fighting sounds more like just nasty fighting rather than abuse. As for the physical stuff, what I am picturing is he grabbed you by the forearms/wrists and you pulled away, then the next day there were bruises.
You said he asked after if it was ok if he touches you and you said “no.” Did he ask that right after you pulled away? And if so, what was his reaction like? Was he asking in anger like: “What? Can I not even touch you?” or was he more taken aback by his own actions and asked with concern “Is it ok if I touch you?”
Either way it sounds like things are really bad. If it’s not abuse yet, it’s getting close.
He is texting me to see me again. Thought I may meet him just to show him the bruise.
No. You need to go into No Contact -don't text him, don't call him, don't see him, and don't respond to any of his attempts to contact you or see you.
A guy who puts his hands on me in any way other than a loving way would be DONE at that point. As in "get out of my air space before I hurt YOU, guy." We need to teach women to stop being "nice" when the guy clearly doesn't deserve it.
You have to draw the line hard and fast otherwise they will keep pushing to see how much they can get away with.
Now it's escalated to physical abuse and you're still asking what to do? This has literally gone on long enough. At what point are you finally going to make a decision and get rid of this loser and move on with your life? It was bad enough when you said previously that he was trying to freeload off you and live there rent free. But now you want to stay with him after he's gotten physical with you?
What kind of example are you setting for your daughter here? I'm being totally serious. I realize she's an adult now but as such, I'm sure over this years and years long drama with this pathetic boyfriend of yours, she has probably lost all respect for you. And rightfully so. Your inability to first of all make a final decision about this guy and secondly to continue questioning it over and over again is a reflection of how little you respect yourself and why it will probably be impossible for you to gain her respect back after all of this. Her opinion of your should be far higher of a priority than continuing this farce of a relationship with a physically abusive freeloader. And that's the bottom line.
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