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I have cried plenty and I have emotions and feelings.
Women I think are off base if they don't think men have emotions and feelings. Often I do think men tend to hold them in more due to societal pressure, but still most men have something there. I've seen women use the excuse "men don't have feelings" to use and abuse men to get things they want and to manipulate without caring.
Yes there are cold men, but I have met plenty of heartless cold ******* as well, so it goes both ways.
I think possibly where the difference is that men are black and white typically and women are all the colors of the rainbow. Men more simple, women more complicated with more variables and details. With our simple and basic mindset we have less of a tendency to get "emotional".
I don't mind women getting emotional, the only thing that bugs me is when it comes down to what I call insignificant detail, especially when it gets into assumptions and other nonsense that might not even be true and even if was, has no bearing to them.
Also I think women try to goad men into providing a response or reaction they want or stir the drama up and when that doesn't happen the volume goes up even more.
Mostly for the women that feel they have a problem in this area there are a few tips I have:
1. Men like to get to the point, so distill down all the babbling into something concise and simple. Usually after a few sentences of babbling and picture painting with words we will stop listening and our eyes will glaze over or focus our attention elsewhere.
2. Pick and choose wisely what you want to get emotional about. Getting emotional about the tv remote being lost or a glass being broken in the sink is not the ticket to success.
3. Quality over quantity. Women that repeatedly get emotional, will eventually get tagged with the "cry wolf" syndrome and eventually you will not be heard.
Men are very emotional about things that matter!Each man processes differently that which makes him emotional. Generally anger and bitterness are the results of major life experiences of disappointment, betrayal, and/or loss. Dealing with anger and bitterness quietly and with resolve to get past it is what men should strive for - misery does NOT love company.
As far a women crying and talking incessantly (soap opera-ish) about their problems: enough, you have a mother, sisters and friends for that - leave me out of it, I have to go to work.
I don't really have a lot of friendS (never was popular in school nor ever will be) so who I'm I suppose to rely if a type of downfall bestow on me? Online forums and come out with logic solutions practically on my own. Perhaps my parents would be somewhat helpful but they're not always right so that wouldn't be a smart choice either. In addition, it would get tedious at certain point.
Since forming friendships has been my greatest weakness from early childhood, then being super socially verbal is out of the question.. .. it makes sense. You can't eat macaroni and cheese without cheese... LOL..
As far as emotional, yes anger can count too, why necessary crying or sadness? If someone hurts me so badly, I'm be more than **** off.
How do you and your partner come to a common ground when it comes to this sort of a situation?
This topic has not been an issue. We have a great amount of resepct for one another and a pretty balanced way of approaching differences in general. I couldn't muster up the interest in a conversation with someone who thinks all women crazy.
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and some questions for women specifically...
Is your emotionality perceived as insecurity? (It's easy to be mistaken for that..)
It has been in the past, but my choices in men were far from ideal.
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Can you control your emotions?
Yes. If it seems I am losing my temper, it is because I have chosen to not bite my tongue.
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Do you cry when you're stressed or overwhelmed?
Sometimes.
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Can you help it when you cry?
I do when I am around others.
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My other half and I were talking about this just recently, and he told me that he just realized that women are emotional.. ALL women are emotional, thats just how they are.. I was shocked and surprised that he a) came to this conclusion b) that he just realized it and c) that he actually admitted that it wasnt just me who was crazy.. its ALL females who are crazy. (I say this jokingly, because so many guys still think of having and expressing emotions as a flaw, or a weakness..)
I'm with Redisca.
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Originally Posted by Redisca
I disagree that women are more emotional than men. Men are extremely emotional -- something that should become clear when you realize that rage and bitterness are emotions, too. I also disagree that men don't understand women. Men are not retarded. Some men may ignore your feelings -- but that's not at all the same as not understanding them.
Men and women are conditioned to express emotions differently. Generally, women enjoy greater liberty to cry and express sadness; men -- anger. As a society, we also choose to validate some emotions and scoff at others. That, however, doesn't mean that men are bastions of logic and women are sobbing messes. Just looking at this board should show you that this is far from being the case.
Your other half is wrong. And I don't know that I'd be too excited about being considered crazy or humor that kind of talk.
Most of us know that women tend to be more emotional than men.. and when a woman feels something or is upset about something, her emotions tend to come out. I know that I personally like to express how I feel to my partner, and sometimes he just doesnt understand why Im being so 'emotional' about something that to him, just isnt a big deal.
Ive done quite a bit of reading about this subject in the past, and I know that there's a whole science behind it. Mens and womens brains work differently. Women process information differently, use their gut instincts more efficiently, pay more attention to peoples body language, tones of voice, facial expressions, to come to a conclusion about something (a feeling..) whereas men look for factual, documented information, and then they proceed to try and fix things. If it can't be fixed, then why are we still talking about it?
What are your experiences with this?
How do you and your partner come to a common ground when it comes to this sort of a situation?
Men:
How do you feel or react when your partner (assuming your partner is female) gets upset or cries??
My other half and I were talking about this just recently, and he told me that he just realized that women are emotional.. ALL women are emotional, thats just how they are.. I was shocked and surprised that he a) came to this conclusion b) that he just realized it and c) that he actually admitted that it wasnt just me who was crazy.. its ALL females who are crazy. (I say this jokingly, because so many guys still think of having and expressing emotions as a flaw, or a weakness..)
I'd love to get other peoples perspectives on this!
Yes, generally speaking you are correct, that women tend to pay more attention to facial expressions. That is only because women, in the distant past were more concerned with social status...whereas men, if they lived very long were either loners or hunters.
That doesn't mean that modern man doesn't have an enormous cerebral cortex, capable of overcoming our ancient flaws. Men are more than capable of being empathetic, whereas women are more than capable of making sound logical decisions.
How do I feel when somebody I care about, cries? Obviously terrible. My first instinct is to try and fix it. I've learned though, through the years, that that is a major disservice. Fix it if you caused it; other than that all you can do is be there for them as they work through. If you don't let people work through things they have the same feelings over and over again, and that is fair to nobody.
Also, any man that refers to a woman as "crazy" for having her emotions...is a jerk. And I'd say that is a sign of a controlling guy. Good luck.
What others said: men are emotional too, just in a different way.
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Originally Posted by AliciaMaria
How do you and your partner come to a common ground when it comes to this sort of a situation?
We don't disagree on much anymore. If the issue is something that one of us feels strongly about, the other one usually goes along with it. We just state our piece and figure out what to do.
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Originally Posted by AliciaMaria
and some questions for women specifically...
Is your emotionality perceived as insecurity? (It's easy to be mistaken for that..)
No. I was insecure much earlier in our marriage but am not now. If you are asking whether people in general perceive me as insecure--I doubt it.
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Originally Posted by AliciaMaria
Can you control your emotions?
Usually, yes. I cannot always control what I feel inside, but I can keep a blank face if I need to.
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Originally Posted by AliciaMaria
Do you cry when you're stressed or overwhelmed? Can you help it when you cry?
My eyes get misty very easily (too easily!) at some of the weirdest things, but tears rarely fall. I cried recently at something that happened on this forum, and I cried when I saw Up. Those are the only two times I have cried in the past few months. I used to cry when I got very angry, but that hasn't happened in a long time.
I cry when i see others suffer .. i cry when i suffer ..i cry when i feel like crying .. i got a heart filled with emotions .. when its beyond control i let it out .. heck i look really funny when crying lol ..
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(I say this jokingly, because so many guys still think of having and expressing emotions as a flaw, or a weakness..)
