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Location: In a little house on the prairie - literally
10,202 posts, read 7,922,771 times
Reputation: 4561
Quote:
Originally Posted by mordant
Yes, this is an oft-overlooked fact and another example of evolution's indifference to human enjoyment.
The few really fond memories this writer has on this particular topic come from the time my then-wife was in her late 30s and early 40s. And it might have lasted longer but for her illness whereof she died catching up with her.
You have my full empathy, from the heart. There are some things we do not control.
It amazes me that in today's world that there are people, and not just Christians, because Muslims and some ultra orthodox Jews, who truly believe their religion allows the subjugation of their spouse.
Okay, C3 (PO)...That is not Judaism...It is the man's obligation, or Mitzvah, to ensure his wife is 100% satisfied, his sexual needs are secondary...IOW, he should be grateful if she comes onto him and desires to satisfy him...
Why do you think this guy speaks for all Christians or that it is in any way typical of Christians? I've never heard of him until you posted this. I disagree with his statements.
I didn't read much of this wingnut's page, but did he advocate beating one's wife if she refused?
Sadly, the dominant perception of marriage involves a right to sexual gratification, but it should be about commitment to sharing life with a life partner. If it had been, there would not have been the furor over SSM, IMO. Our carnal appetites have nothing to do with love and our spiritual commitments to one another. It is just sad that they have been merged and confused for so long.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mordant
Nothing?? I don't see any need to deride sexuality as carnal and irrelevant to an intimate relationship, any more than I see the need to elevate it above companionship / commitment / loyalty. Sexuality, messy as it is both figuratively and literally, is part of who we are and part of what informs our relationships. I don't know how to deny that and be real at the same time.
Nor does acknowledging sexuality necessitate some sort of right to be gratified at will without regard to the other person. It's never right to force yourself on anyone, including your spouse. But let's face it, it also implies mutual sexual surrender and exclusivity, at least to the vast majority of people ... and unless marriage partners have pretty explicit understandings to the contrary in advance, there's a reasonable expectation that they will in fact take care of each other's sexual needs, and give that some priority, though we can and should debate what's appropriate / sufficient there (hint: it's not the entitlement mentality discussed in the OP's link). And I see nothing wrong with that. Where people go wrong IMO is putting too much stake in it. But that doesn't mean it isn't important to people or can't be deeply meaningful. It's like any other aspect of a relationship; if both partners are committed to working on it, it can be worthwhile. If one or both are not, then you might as well let go of your sexual needs and desires if you want to stay in the relationship. And that's a tall order for most folks, unless they are of advanced age.
It is not about deriding sexuality but it IS purely carnal, mordant. We have the ability to bring a lot more to it, but it is not innate. In fact, the romantic mythology built-up around sexual attraction is probably the main reason for the divorce statistics. There is nothing in such attraction that is predictive of a good mate, yet it is relied on almost exclusively in selecting a mate. Romance is a fiction that is largely self-created by mystery and the unknown coupled with carnal desires and fantasies. It is short-lived and a poor substitute for developing an actual relationship. That is why long courtships produced superior and long-lived marriages.
the mans waning desire for the woman that is losing her physical attractiveness.
as they look at their no-longer-hot partner that, even though they may still love them, isn't a sexual turn-on to them any more.
it does not get any more superficial than this
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