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I decided to change careers and am currently attending college in another city, so I put my stuff in storage and am renting a room from a single woman who has a few pets. I made several visits to this city before committing to this rental and thought I found a quiet oasis close to school that would allow me to concentrate on my studies. The homeowner, a woman in her 50s, is a generally cheery social butterfly who has introduced her friends and relatives by way of inviting them over, shares her modest home with me therefore I have access to more than just the bedroom I rent and has even let me have fruit/veggies when I'm low on produce for a recipe I was preparing. That, plus a piece of cake when her adult son came over for his birthday.
So far it sounds like the ideal room rental situation, especially since I like animals too, except for the following stuff that's caused and continues to cause friction:
- When I first met the homeowner, I thought we agreed to me paying the rent by check once a month like I did with the apartment I previously rented but after the first month she decided to demand cash payments once a week and doesn't want to issue a receipt. When probed why, she says she doesn't want the room rentals to affect her tax bracket and declare the income, I guess.
- When the school semester started a couple of months ago, she had a tendency to invite friends over without warning for dinner/for the evening and these people, just like her, were often loud, which effectively prevented me from doing my homework at the house in peace. My other room mate and I discussed it with her and she eventually reduced the invitations/agreed to give us more advance warning if she was planning to invite people over on school nights.
- The house was built several decades ago and sound insulation seems non existent with creaky floors and therefore this has become a major issue since she's a night owl and her room/bathroom is above my bedroom.
- The homeowner has a tendency to go to bed after midnight, talk on the phone for hours and it causes me stress and reduced sleep. According to my room mate, on a recent evening, she started at 9pm and when I returned home from school at 11:30pm, she was still talking. It finally ended at 11:55pm and when I bumped into her in the kitchen, she boasted about having spoken to 2 people in that ~3 hour period. This, mind you was the evening before a tough exam. I've talked to her about the need for peace and quiet at night and at first she suggested I take melatonin, even insisted I ask a doctor about it when I went to a medical clinic for another reason and finally dropped the suggestion when I told her a pharmacist advised against it for long term usage.
- She invited a friend and her kids over for a weekend, the kids (under 10) stayed up until 11pm-12am were loud/hyper and the adults ended up staying up until 2am , in a room across from my bedroom, effectively preventing me from sleeping.
- The other night she was actually setting up shelving until at least 1:15am..she had the door closed but again, the lack of insulation ensured that I heard the noise..maybe she thought that because it was a weekend, I didn't have to leave early for school so it doesn't matter?
I've tried to be tolerant to the noise issues and have adjusted my sleep schedule (I used to be a night owl, so I understand), even use earplugs, but find that waking up on time to eat breakfast and feel rested for college classes is impossible. Still, I foolishly told the homeowner and her family (when they visited) that I'm staying long term when in fact I will probably look for something else during an upcoming break. The problem is I feel like I made a verbal commitment, the homeowner will feel betrayed and it could create bad blood between us. Besides disturbing the peace, she is friendly, compliments my cooking (although I'm no pro by any stretch and I realize she's probably doing it to flatter me and convince me to stay longer) and even buys me sweets.
Socially, she's friendly but is there anything I can do to solve the noise issues this situation besides reminding her that I can hear her walking above me at 1am, the effect it has on my sleep and therefore performance at school? I feel like I've tried but she told me I knew she was semi retired when I first met her so I should live with it.
Last edited by shesagoodgirl; 10-21-2016 at 11:59 PM..
This is a BUSINESS relationship, not a sleepover at Grand-ma-ma's house!
If you want to leave, just give notice and leave! If she gave two sheets about your feelings bet she wouldn't have been so oblivious as to the impact of her life on yours. By also demanding cash with no receipts, clearly she's not looking out for your own good or payment schedule, So, leave if you want to leave and don't think twice about how she will feel.
If she gives you any hassles, remind her that the IRS is only a phone call away!
I realize I'm obligated to give a minimum of 30 days notice since it's a verbal month to month lease, however before I do that, I thought I could work out issues with her to avoid having to move. There are some definite advantages to staying here including the fact she has pets (I like animals), it's within a reasonable driving distance from school and like I said, I pretty much promised her and her family I would be staying until the end of the school year. However that said, I haven't signed a 12 month lease, so I'm under no obligation to stay for the full period. I think she receives a fairly sizable pension as she had a good career) and had a relaxed lifestyle before my room mate and I arrived, so has little motivation to adapt to the request to quiet down. Her being semi deaf doesn't help either.
Looking for another room to rent will cost me extra time, gas and take away from the time I should be spending on my school work..another reason I'd like to attempt at working things out. I just don't know how, unless I drop hints that I'm not sure about staying long term because I can't sleep at night...
I think the positives outweigh the negatives, especially if you've read many of the roommate threads on CD.
Have you tried a white noise and earplugs? I raised 5 kids and was in college when they were all active and school aged. I used to study in my bathroom after dinner with the fan on....they were still playing and active, but the fan noise helped a lot.
Or those headphones that cancel noise.
You can also study more at school. I use to study in the stacks of the medical library....it was almost cocoon like near the heat registers that hummed.
Granted, asking her to tone down the company and the noise isn't out of the realm of possibilities....but try a few more background noise ideas before bailing. You could always find yourself in a worse situation imo
link to noise machines https://www.bing.com/search?q=noise+...noise+machines
This middle aged woman, by your own description is very social and a night owl, traits that are well established. In other words, don't expect her to change her habits significantly. She may be a lovely person, but the reality is that you are both in different phases of life. Neither one of you is wrong or the bad guy in this scenario, you're just incompatible as roommates. Tell her kindly that you have different needs than this living situation can provide and give her 30 days notice. It doesn't have to be confrontational. Just recognize that it's time to move to a more suitable place that gives you the peace and quiet you need to study and sleep according to your schedule. Maybe next time ask a prospective LL what their social, sleeping, etc., habits are before committing to the room.
Last edited by FairMindedLL; 10-22-2016 at 01:27 AM..
Add me to the "just move" list. Since what you describe does not sound like a roomate situation you do not have equal status in determining the rules of the home, she gets to decide them. The way she lives creates an environment you are finding untenable and you are only going to start resenting it more and more. Leaving now would be more likely to allow you to leave on good terms than one or the other of you living in a way you don't want and getting to a boiling point. If she is trying to avoid looking like a landlord she isn't going to want to fight you over money in court, but a 30-day notice would be the right thing to do.
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Don't agree to hand over cash without a receipt, even a hand written receipt signed by her is fine, or you write one out and have her sign it
You agreed verbally to long tern but you can change your mind after all she is not claiming the money as income so the ball is in your curt. Move.
Putting shelves up at 1:15 am is what a crazy person does.
They might just be a night owl or a person who started earlier and it took them forever to figure it out and accomplish the task. One of my kids is a night owl, she does crap like that all the time and is distressed by us insisting on doing projects at the "ungodly hour" of 9 am.
The OP and the owner sound like they are on different body clocks, and it is causing issues.
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Do NOT giver her hints that you might not stay until the end of the year. The only time that you tell her that you are moving is when you give her the official 30 day notice. No good will come to you if you hint that you might leave early. It likely will cause friction and she might start trying to find a replacement roommate quickly and she might give YOU 30 day notice before you are ready, because she found a replacement roommate.
It doens't matter that you told her family you are staying long term. There is not lease and, at the time, that is what you were hoping. But there is no way on earth that she will attempt to make you stay long term because she's too worried about hiding her income from the IRS. She doesn't want any lawsuits and she doesn't want anything in writing that proves she has a rental.
Trust me, as soon as you give your official notice to move out, then she will be looking for a replacement tenant right away.
Your situation doesn't sound that bad other than it's loud and there is a lot of activity in a small house with thin walls. But in reality, you don't have smoking or fights or drunks or crime. There are some people that have drunken roommmates, people that don't get along and there is friction over dumb stuff like mail being hidden and arguments over leaving shampoo in a bathroom. Or bringing in a boyfriend/girlfriend that is there 6 days a week and doesn't pay rent and eats all your food and leaves garbage and dirty dishes and dirty clothes all around the house for everyone else to pick up.
All in all, you actually have a very good roommate situation other than the noise/activity of the homeowner. You aren't have issues parking your vehicle, you don't have crime in the area, there isn't a loser roommate that's sneaking into your room at taking your stuff. You mentioned your commute time is great and this is very very important for a student.
Maybe you can find a better place to study for times when it gets loud in the house? Maybe go to the school library for find a decent place. Then if you need some quiet - go there. This won't help if you are simply trying to sleep. For a better sleep, Google for : "sound proof foam". Maybe a few panels around your room will help make it quieter.
My suggestion to you is to casually look around for another rental when you have a break from school- Christmas break and spring break are the big breaks - right. If you find something that looks good then REALLY check it out well. It could be worse that what you have now. You would be surprised at how many roommate situations have friction/arguments because the people cannot get along.
If you find something that is better for you, then give your 30 day notice and move out.
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