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After a 35 year marriage and being very near 60 I just last year went through a divorce. We had a goal of savings which now I find is split in half and the money I thought would be there, is not. Realize there are many 50-60 somethings in a similar situation. Luckily I'm in an established career where I can continue to work and like what I do.
Have you, been there and done that ? What advice can you give someone with a late in life divorce (besides find a rich widow) ?
I've never been through such a thing but I can recognize how sad it must be. My wife and I have over 40 years under our belt now and I think we both realize that neither of us are the same person we married. About all we can do is to tell the other person we love them each day and hope for the best.
If my wife ever decided to leave, I can only hope my love for her would let her go for her own happiness. I don't know how I would respond. I would definitely be a shell of a man without a heart.
I have been there and delayed the decision so long, when the marriage had been over for years, because I was afraid of being alone. Once I took the plunge, I realized how unhappy I was being married to someone I didn't love anymore. I was 56, got half of his pension, half the house, and went on my way. We were married 28 years, and I must say, I didn't miss him at all. I guess it depends on how you see your situation. If it wasn't something you wanted, of course it is painful. But, there is a whole new life on the other side ! And so many of us have gone there and survived and thrived. Have faith that you will too.
Thanks to you both, No it's nothing I wanted but that's another thread. The 2nd hardest part was realizing the Retirement Nest Egg just got lowered to half.
At least I've got some good working years left to rebuild the funds. I have an elderly client, poor health who's filing bankruptcy and selling his home.
No matter how tough we have it, there are always others who have worse.
I was a late divorce as well and I never thought that I would be in this situation. It has been 6 years now and I still don't have my footing under me, although that was less my ex's part and more my desire to put my children first. But now that they are out of the house I am beginning to start the rest of my life.
So that is what I would encourage you to do, enjoy life make friends find hobbies and activities.
The money is a real biggee for male divorcees, from what I can see. Loss of it creates a lot of anger and resentment - especially if they were the major breadwinners and/or did a lot of financial planning. I don't think women feel quite the same way about losing half their assets - unless they were quite savvy about money and were big financial contributors to those assets, and the planning, in the first place.
Females often are more angry about control, indifference, neglect, lack of appreciation - especially if husb runs off with another (usually much younger) woman. LOL And often, way after the divorce, after they get over the shock, these women finally figure out how broke they are, as well.
You've got your career, and a lot of earning years ahead of you. Forget about the money, you can always make more. Lots of widows and divorcees looking for a companion. You should be just fine in time, I would expect.
There are some couples that do well with divorce but the Woman's Health USA 2009 says that 27% of women and 15% of men did actually live below the poverty line. Older women have difficulty with poverty. The financial impact of a late divorce is a very serious blow to both parties.
I think there are two rather separate issues- the emotional, and the financial. People feel them in different ways.
By the way, if a divorced woman gets half the assets (and the man was the primary or only earner) do remember that that was the deal both of them set up when they married/had kids. It's not like it's a surprise.
I still say many women are one man away from welfare, and the ones with nice degrees in English and Psychology are less aware of it than anyone.
IMHO, most women are pretty poor at financial management and planning and don't have a good concept of what it actually costs to live, and how much they'll have available in retirement. I also think that a lot of women who get divorced in their 50's think its going to be just like it was in their 20's and they'll have all kinds of men after them, and then find out too late, that things have changed for them at this age.
I'd just keep working, and not stress over it. I doubt that you will lack for female companionship very long. LOTS of women want male companionship still at our age, and the ratios of available men/women are in your favor. The women who have been single for awhile have found this out also and in general going to put more effort into getting a man.
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