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Wait a minute galaxy. It took me a year when my son left for me to move on. You can't take care of people for 18-20+ years & then just 'get a life'. It takes time to begin enjoying the freedom.
Sorry, I'm still upset by what was said. This forum engulfe us like a beloved warm blanket. We feel free to share our thoughts & feelings. Criticism is not a part of this forum. Acceptance, acknowledgement, loves & hugs are.
Sorry, I'm still upset by what was said. This forum engulfe us like a beloved warm blanket. We feel free to share our thoughts & feelings. Criticism is not a part of this forum. Acceptance, acknowledgement, loves & hugs are.
Criticism is absolutely a part of this forum. It is a public internet discussion forum for adults. "Discussion" implies the exchange of information, ideas, and opinions, which in turn implies that people will have different ideas and opinions, which means disagreement. Whenever we express our disagreement, there is at least implicit (and sometimes explicit) criticism of the opposing point of view.
I just now re-read the City-Data Terms of Service, so they are fresh in my mind. "Criticism" is not against the rules here. Some of the things which are against the rules are personal attacks, profanity, and hi-jacking threads. (Ouch, we are getting close to home on that last one!) Of course some criticism crosses over into personal attacks, depending on how it is expressed. And it is up to the moderators to decide when the line is crossed.
For example, someone wrote that I was "missing brains", and there was no other content about the thread topic included. Well, that is certainly criticism, but not the "allowed" kind because it crosses the line into a personal attack, at least in my opinion. (Not everyone agrees, and my opinion is not the one that counts. A moderator wrote to me that he or she was "not sure" if that was a personal attack, which was the most astounding and astonishing thing I have ever read in my five and a half years on City-Data. I am still reeling from that, not reeling from the poster's comment, but from the moderator's. But the story had a happy ending, as one of the senior moderators agreed with me in the end and the comment was deleted. That incident was not in the Retirement Forum, by the way.)
You, as one individual poster here, do not get to single-handedly define what this forum is, because (for one reason, at least) the Administrator has already done that for us and we agreed to those Terms of Service when we registered here, as a condition of our participation. A second reason is that it is more than a little objectionable for you to disregard and discount the thousands of other posters whose opinions may not be the same as yours. You are certainly entitled to your feelings about what you like the most about City-Data, but you don't get to exclude everything else.
So to sum up, there is nothing wrong with vigorous debate per se, and vigorous debate will usually not sound like a kindergarten where everything is sweetness and light.
Wait a minute galaxy. It took me a year when my son left for me to move on. You can't take care of people for 18-20+ years & then just 'get a life'. It takes time to begin enjoying the freedom.
You seem to have taken offense to my advice.
As noted, if you can't take it, don't open yourself up to it by posting here.
DON'T presume to tell ME about "taking care of someone" for years.
My MOTHER had a Serious Devastating Degenerating Disease. She was in a wheelchair for MOST of her life. She was diagnosed when I was 2 years old. By my age 8 she was in said wheelchair, AS the Eldest, I HAD to take over caring for BOTH her, all the household duties AND my younger siblings-and of course, attend school and get good grades to pass. I lived on at home until age 23 to help take care of her and sibs while my father worked. I was "set free" when my father {10 years older than she} was able to retire and take care of mother full time, alleviating me. Best thing was she had me at age 18, and my siblings followed sooner than later.
I stayed away only 5 years before moving back to help with her again.
SO for 15 years of my formative, puberty, and growing up years, I had the very adult responsibilities!!!! {I am MALE, think about "that time of the month" and I and the only one around to 'deal with it"???? {YUCK,gross to me @age 9!!!} SERIOUSLY. Guess who bathed/help bath her{on certain days/times}???? Guess who changed her soiled laundry and adult diapers because she could not get to the bathroom without help while we were gone to school and work??? Guess who might come home from school {I was first one HOME always} to her on the floor as her muscles would uncontrollably stiffen and she'd slide out/off the wheelchair??? Guess who had to have strength solo to pick her back up {148lbs}to the chair at age 11 {and change aforementioned soiled laundry???
YOU had little BABIES to take care of, I had an adult baby!
Her last 5-6 years on earth were/had to be HELL on earth for her...NO muscle tone left, several strokes, aphasic communications, loss of voice, vision deteriorating towards blindness. I still dropped by when my father needed to go do things when I moved back to the area. All by the tender age of, and dying at age 57. Finally SHE was free!
SAD.
I always thought growing up, that I HATED my mother, but I, after moving away at 23, after some time for reflection, finally could see. I didn't hate HER I hated what the DISEASE did to her!
SO, Yeah, I KNOW how to spend a lifetime taking care of someone and then...GETTING A LIFE! Yeah I GOT ONE of my own!
yes, I, ma'am, am EXPERIENCED.
May be why I never had any children....I done did my share of taking care of someone for a lifetime {hers}.
What a beautiful day it was when we buried her, some 15 odd years ago.. hopefully YOU will never have to bury the ones YOU took care of {your children}....
You seem to have taken offense to my advice.
As noted, if you can't take it, don't open yourself up to it by posting here.
DON'T presume to tell ME about "taking care of someone" for years.
My MOTHER had a Serious Devastating Degenerating Disease. She was in a wheelchair for MOST of her life. She was diagnosed when I was 2 years old. By my age 8 she was in said wheelchair, AS the Eldest, I HAD to take over caring for BOTH her, all the household duties AND my younger siblings-and of course, attend school and get good grades to pass. I lived on at home until age 23 to help take care of her and sibs while my father worked. I was "set free" when my father {10 years older than she} was able to retire and take care of mother full time, alleviating me. Best thing was she had me at age 18, and my siblings followed sooner than later.
I stayed away only 5 years before moving back to help with her again.
SO for 15 years of my formative, puberty, and growing up years, I had the very adult responsibilities!!!! {I am MALE, think about "that time of the month" and I and the only one around to 'deal with it"???? {YUCK,gross to me @age 9!!!} SERIOUSLY. Guess who bathed/help bath her{on certain days/times}???? Guess who changed her soiled laundry and adult diapers because she could not get to the bathroom without help while we were gone to school and work??? Guess who might come home from school {I was first one HOME always} to her on the floor as her muscles would uncontrollably stiffen and she'd slide out/off the wheelchair??? Guess who had to have strength solo to pick her back up {148lbs}to the chair at age 11 {and change aforementioned soiled laundry???
YOU had little BABIES to take care of, I had an adult baby!
Her last 5-6 years on earth were/had to be HELL on earth for her...NO muscle tone left, several strokes, aphasic communications, loss of voice, vision deteriorating towards blindness. I still dropped by when my father needed to go do things when I moved back to the area. All by the tender age of, and dying at age 57. Finally SHE was free!
SAD.
I always thought growing up, that I HATED my mother, but I, after moving away at 23, after some time for reflection, finally could see. I didn't hate HER I hated what the DISEASE did to her!
SO, Yeah, I KNOW how to spend a lifetime taking care of someone and then...GETTING A LIFE! Yeah I GOT ONE of my own!
yes, I, ma'am, am EXPERIENCED.
May be why I never had any children....I done did my share of taking care of someone for a lifetime {hers}.
What a beautiful day it was when we buried her, some 15 odd years ago.. hopefully YOU will never have to bury the ones YOU took care of {your children}....
Now you need to deal with the rage and the chip on your shoulder. That can be a bigger form of enslavement than any other.
I've had a box of beautiful European china in the garage for 7 years, never opened never used. Still wrapped in its original tissue paper. There was no place to keep it in the house, and it's fragile stuff.
You know what I did? I brought it in and unwrapped one of the tea cups and had coffee this morning in my fabulous china for the first time.
First time out of the box since the day I bought it! In my newly kid-free zone.
Wow, that is gorgeous china! What a great start to living your life the way you want. Have fun finding out how different it will be!
Are you pining for them already? Feeling "useless" not having anyone to care for/raise? Feeling "empty nest syndrome"? Depressed?
"beer-thirty" is anytime you THINK you need it! But, I doubt it will solve anything.
GEt a life, get involved with volunteer work, OR try the senior center if you are old enough. Maybe volunteer to foster a child, FIND SOMETHING to DO!
Aren't you the sympathetic one!
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In my newly kid-free zone. 
