Please help me find my ideal retirement location! (pension, beach, friendly)

[Escort Rider]

I'm counting on the collective expertise of all you retired or soon-to-be-retired folks!

Here are my requirements: (note the plural)

1. Low cost of living, including low property taxes and no state income taxes, sales taxes no higher than 5%.

2. Need a newish two-bedroom, two bath home in a safe, pleasant neighborhood with a nice yard for $100,000 or less.

3. Said home must be within walking distance of world-class opera, symphony, major museums, genuine ethnic restaurants, and a good supermarket.

4. No traffic congestion within 50 miles.

5. No humidity or bugs in the summer.

6. No snow in the winter.

7. Close proximity to major international airport as well as internationally recognized hospital and an excellent public library.

8. Friendly, helpful people who are easy to get to know but who also respect the boundaries of others.

9. Excellent government services (but keep in mind #1 above).

10. Low utility costs.

11. Within easy walking distance of hiking trails that have a rural feel and no traffic noise.

And no, I am not willing to compromise on any of the above points. (I did say "requirements" in the plural above, did I not?)

I will much appreciate any help and guidance you posters can give me. I am excited about finding my ideal retirement location!!

[Vic Romano]

The only two places I can think of are Shangri-La and Utopia...

[Vision67]

Answer: Null Set

[Mr5150]

Seems we've seen a 1000 of these sort of threads. Point made. Gosh, maybe this should be a sticky!

[RiverBird]

Any thread can be parodied, including any of the OP's. Seems rather adolescent in my view. But then, whatever gives one kicks.

[Mr5150]

Originally Posted by RiverBird

Any thread can be parodied, including any of the OP's. Seems rather adolescent in my view. But then, whatever gives one kicks.

At our age being called adolescent can be considered a compliment.

Have you considered acquiring a sense of humor?

[ReachTheBeach]

Hmm; trying to narrow down the alternatives. What about amenities? Do you need an elevator in the clubhouse? How many pools? Does it need to come with a pension?

[Escort Rider]

Originally Posted by RiverBird

Any thread can be parodied, including any of the OP's. Seems rather adolescent in my view. But then, whatever gives one kicks.

Your response is funnier than the original post!

[Curmudgeon]

ER, you forgot yacht docking, a sandy beach and good surf. Deep sea fishing charter a plus.

Wait. That's where I was raised.

Why, I feel more adolescent already.

[Escort Rider]

Originally Posted by Curmudgeon

ER, you forgot yacht docking, a sandy beach and good surf. Deep sea fishing charter a plus.

Wait. That's where I was raised.

Why, I feel more adolescent already.

You are so right. Don't know how I left out such essentials. Perhaps a senior moment?