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I'm wondering how many people have found themselves in this situation.
Being around each other 24/7 now most of the time, in retirement, is very difficult for both of us.
It is basically ruining our marriage. Our incompatibility has really come to the forefront now.
When we were both working, we had varied schedules so we each had a lot of time alone, and less time together. Thus we enjoyed the little time we had together.
Now it's different - we're almost always together and it isn't working for either of us, to the point both of us are always bickering and annoyed with each other.
Here's my list of reasons why it's not working out in retirement. (Note we retired to another country where she cannot work and also is having trouble making friends, for various reasons.)
She likes to go out and do things, I like to stay home a lot
She talks on the phone for hours a day and hearing a one-sided conversation is just as annoying as hearing a 2 sided one for hours at a time
She is constantly tinkering around the house making noise whereas I like to enjoy the Quiet, which is why I retired to a nice quiet country area (we both thought she'd adjust to it)
She likes to *** all the time on the phone or with neighbors and I'm mostly an introvert; we do talk but I don't like talking nearly as much as she does
I like to stay home and just relax most of the time, she'd rather go out but she doesn't drive and there's no bus system here like there was where we lived before
She is mostly extroverted and I'm very introverted
She wants to go back to work, but I don't want to move back to the USA so she can do so (she can't work here as we're not citizens)
There are other factors but basically my retirement (and us both not working) has ruined our marriage. Perhaps it wasn't that strong to begin with but we got along pretty well for 15 years before my retirement.
Just wondering if this has happened to others here and if not how did you avoid it?
Do some people really want to be around their spouse 24/7/30/365?
I can't even imagine it. You'd have to REALLY be "on the same page"!
There are other issues with our marriage so this is not the only problem but it does seem that we got along pretty well before retirement.
my Husband and I are on the same page ,unfortunately I am being plagued with chronic back pain that is capricious and when my back goes out my heart aches for him. The man deserves to enjoy his retirement,not have to be stuck in the house dealing with me.
Sorry it’s not working out. It’s ironic that our marriage and retirement isn’t the issue but health related and seriously hurting our time together.
My wife and I are on the same page, the only time we're apart is if one has to leave our homestead to shop or Dr appointment. We're retired, live very rural, on a very large tract of land, so there's always something to do.
Sounds like you two need a common project / interest.
I was worried about that, but since my husband has retired, we still enjoy each other's company. I think it's because we each have our own daily routines, and our routines include some alone time for each of us. Basically, I do my thing, he does his thing, and we get together every hour or so for a few minutes, then go back to our own activities.
You don't have to be together every minute of the day. We live on a big piece of property and there are lots of things to do outside, plus he has his shop that he spends time in every day, and I have my little corner where I spend time doing my hobbies and using my computer. I would imagine it would be more difficult to have alone time if you lived in a tiny apartment, but even then, you could each go for walks or run errands for alone time.
Rather than making a list of reasons your wife annoys you, try making some changes in your routines.
More later, OP, but I just wanted to let you know that I know exactly what you mean.
I have a very long thread on trying to convince my husband to move to Arizona with me, six years of trying in fact. I just gave up on that dream. I still want to move to AZ but I may be doing it solo.
Retirement can be a tough time for relationships. Worse if you didn't expect this going in. Some marriages don't survive it.
Last edited by fluffythewondercat; 07-15-2018 at 06:39 PM..
Like you and your wife, my wife and I had different dreams re retirement.
She wanted to live in or near a city in the USofA and I wanted to live out in the country side in another country.
My retirement came first, by many years, so we bought property and when I retired we built this house on it. In the countryside. In another country.
(Note that she never mentioned that she was going to hate living out in the country until years after we bought the property and then when it was finally time for me to retire and move she started saying she didn't want to live here. )
I truly felt she could adjust to living here. But I was wrong, she hated it and hates it.
My point is that a difference in how one wishes to live in retirement is a BIG issue, or at least can be. It is a big factor in my wife being very unhappy now that I'm retired and may lead to our divorce or at least separation.
I grieve for both of you. I know you're angry at your wife but she didn't hide the fact she wanted to live the urban life in the U.S. Your dreams clashed.
You moved your wife, who doesn't drive and "likes to go out and do things" to someplace where there's no bus system?
Hard to believe, right?
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