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This is the retirement forum isn't it? As old broads we don't get hit on much, do we?
I've never had a problem travelling by myself. In a way it is less stressful because you don't have to worry if your traveling companion is unhappy with the plans.
There are hostels and such for socializing but as an introvert it doesn't bother me too much to be by myself.
Of all my travels I will say the #1 most congenial place was Venezuela. In 1995. Girls would come up in the plaza to practice their English. Guys were friendly but not pushy. When I encountered fellow gringo travelers they were instantly my best buds/dinner companions as there was a sense of being on this adventure together. Sadly that is no more and the whole country is dangerous even for Venezuelans.
That's where she confuses me. She's the most social person I know, she knows a zillion people. Maybe she was just trying to justify herself to herself.
Your friend sounds like she's been stuck in the soccer mom mindset for decades. Of course she doesn't know self-sufficient women - she socializes with her peers, the other soccer moms, who compete by comparing HGTV (?) -inspired housing, purses and jewelry. It has been my experience that married women who are not economically viable sometimes view unmarried women who ARE economically viable as competition for their income streams.
They do not get it that those of us who can stand on our own two feet are not interested in their husbands in the slightest, outside of professional courtesy. Maybe networking when required (but that goes both ways). The mindset expresses thus: "if I lost my livelihood, I'd be desperate to find a replacement. She must be as well."
That could be why your friend appears to be out of touch.
That could be why your friend appears to be out of touch.
No soccer moms but I do know a number of women my age (65) and younger who are not economically OK or independent.
One friend always felt that work was like being a prisoner. She's very low income and owns two modest houses. I always felt that work=money= freedom and choice.
When a couple asks about you being by yourself just tell them that someday one of them will be by themselves, maybe soon.
Actually, I think this is a very appropriate comment. I noticed, at my husband's funeral, the married folk all clung to each other a little tighter when they moved past the casket. Married people can behave snobbishly toward single women.
I travelled so much for my job, starting at around age 23, often being gone for a couple weeks or more at a time, hat it never occurred to me that there was anything unusual or difficult about traveling, dining out, or attending movies, concerts, etc. on my own. I always knew plenty of other single women who were living full lives as well. Never struck me as difficult. Certainly I always took basic safety precautions, but I assume men would as well.
As others have mentioned, after doing a lot of travel by myself, it’s become irksome to travel with somebody, and have to always be discussing plans. It’s not the compromise and taking into account the preferences of a companion that gets annoying, it’s that every single thing has to be discussed, and you can’t just go do it. I suppose we all get used to a certain way of doing things, and it becomes hard to change.
As others have mentioned, after doing a lot of travel by myself, it’s become irksome to travel with somebody, and have to always be discussing plans. It’s not the compromise and taking into account the preferences of a companion that gets annoying, it’s that every single thing has to be discussed, and you can’t just go do it. I suppose we all get used to a certain way of doing things, and it becomes hard to change.
Right! As for me, I realized this early on, but it really came into focus when I became a real tennis fanatic and wanted to attend the US Open. I KNEW that any other sane person wouldn't want to go there early and stay till the end, which you can do including night matches sometimes until midnight. And I surely didn't want to hear, "are we done? can we go home now? can we go to lunch?" right in the middle of the match. And I like to take in the matches at my leisure, being indecisive as to which ones I want to see and when I just want to watch practices. So I went by myself, met tons of like-minded and knowledgeable fans and have been doing it ever since (when I'm not volunteering or working as an usher to see the matches for free!)
Hey single ladies:
Recently I was up in Canada, and I visited my aunt's retirement living complex. She pays only $2000 a month. The beautiful building was a large 6 floor complex built along side a river. It is for people who can care for themselves, even if they need a mobility aide. My aunt has a 1 bedroom apt with balcony. There was a kitchen area with no stove, but it had a fridge and a microwave; LR with balcony; large bath and bedroom. There was no "hospital like" odor in the place.
All meals are taken in a beautiful well appointed dining room on the first floor. They will also deliver the meal to your apt. Amenities included a theater, exercise room, chapel, games room, and full activity program with outings each week. Nurses are available. Each resident had a small table with flowers, or engraved stone outside of their door, or similar personal item outside their door. My aunt took great pride in showing me each floor. "Handi-Transit" will pick residents up to take them wherever they want to go in the city, for a fee.
I am certain this kind of place would be double in price if it were in the US. Nevertheless, I found it depressing, and wondered what kind of place I would be living in when I get to her age 85. I would miss cooking on a stove. My aunt seemed happy, but all I could think was that might be me in 20 years.
Actually, I think this is a very appropriate comment. I noticed, at my husband's funeral, the married folk all clung to each other a little tighter when they moved past the casket. Married people can behave snobbishly toward single women.
Very true! Once I was single again one of my friends pretty much left me out of the picture; and anytime I would talk about something I'd accomplished on my own her remark would be, "Oh, I my hubby takes care of those things."
Actually, I think this is a very appropriate comment. I noticed, at my husband's funeral, the married folk all clung to each other a little tighter when they moved past the casket. Married people can behave snobbishly toward single women.
Of course they clung tighter to each other, they couldn’t look away from seeing their own future.
I don’t know if it’s being snobbish or self-preservation, but my charitable instincts have been dampened toward younger single female retirees that insist on having single family homes they can’t maintain. Buy a house if you can do the work or afford to hire the work done, but depending on other’s generosity is not a plan. I’ve been happy to help out when DH or I can, but when we begin feeling used, it’s not a friendship anymore: we’re unpaid labor or a source for tools.
I have no illusions about my skills for maintaining a single family home. I’m fairly proficient, but I can’t do the heavy, more skilled aspects like my DH or my sister who expertly maintains her own home. If DH goes first, I will not be keeping our house by using/abusing my neighbors and family in order to stay.
There is a difference between wanting to help elderly neighbors who have come upon hard times with health or money, and younger retirees who want it all without the necessary skills or means to stay in place or move to a new adventure.
Last edited by jean_ji; 04-09-2018 at 01:57 PM..
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